I pull away to find him holding out a handkerchief. "Thank you." My great seduction scene is ruined. I'm about as sexy as a hundred-year-old man in a Speedo right now. Oh, God I'm all snotty, and I'm sure splotchy. I blow my nose. "I swear I was a stone cold fox a few hours ago." He watches with a smile, and when I'm empty, I smile back. "We never get anything right, do we?"
"I don't know." He meets my eyes, and his smile grows. "I think we manage the important things."
My smile matches his. "Such as?"
"Respect. Friendship. Acceptance."
"Is that enough?" I ask.
"Absolutely not."
He grabs the back of my neck and brings my lips to his. Even in my less than pristine physical condition and emotional vomiting, he still wants me. And God knows I want him. In this moment, I want him more than I've ever wanted a man before. Even Justin. Yet that fear from before whacks into me with the force of a car crash. For a split second, I have the urge to push him away, but fight it back with equal force. I'm not letting anyone sabotage this, especially not me.
When I imagined this, and I've lost track of how many times I've played this potential scene over in my head, I was the aggressor. He was the virginal, blushing flower who only ever slept with one woman years and years ago. This astounding man continues to surprise me. He literally rips off my shirt, buttons flying everywhere. My pants and underwear receive similar consideration. He has me at a disadvantage. I haven't a clue how to remove his uniform. All my groping and nary a zipper is found. He takes care of that too. There's a secret zipper around the waist, a fact I'll file away for next time. He's not shy, that's for sure. He stands naked for a moment, allowing me to snap a mental picture. He may appear skinny and weak while dressed, but without clothes he's chiseled and powerful looking, like a wild cat. He pounces like one too.
The world falls away as it always seems to do whenever we're together. There's nothing but him. The feel of him. The taste of him. His smell. And those eyes. I've never gazed into a man's eyes as he moved inside me. Every time I close my eyes, he caresses the eyelids, and I open them again. It's beyond intimate but makes this already blissful experience so much better. He seems instinctively to know where to touch, where to nibble, when to change rhythm. We just fit. And when we bring each other to nirvana, I have never felt so close to another being before. Like we're one. And this one, I'm never letting go. I'll die first.
We lie together on the small bed with my head resting on his chest and a dopey smile on my face. "Now, aren't you glad you came?" His grin changes and I realize what I actually just said. He chuckles, and a second later I join in. "Shut up. You know what I mean. Lord, you get laid once and all of a sudden your mind needs a good scrubbing."
"I've always had a filthy mind. I just hide the fact better than most."
"Oh huh, yeah. Just keep telling yourself that."
"What does that mean?"
"Let's just say on more than one occasion I've caught you undressing me with your eyes. I was just too much of a lady to say anything."
"You are one to talk, Miss Fallon. The night we met, you were all but licking your chops while we talked. I feared for my virtue."
"Yeah, it took a lot of willpower for me not to drag you upstairs to a hotel room and have my way with you."
"I wish I had known that. When you vanished, I thought I'd done something wrong. I flagellated myself over it for months."
"I'm sorry." I bite my lower lip and smile mischievously as I move up closer to his mouth. "I'm sure there are multiple ways you can think of for me to make up for it. In multiple positions." I give him a smooch before resuming my position right over his heart. "Just give me a few minutes to recover. Not all of us have super-stamina."
"Oh. Shame. Guess I'll have to end things then. No other choice that I can see." I playfully nibble his chest in retaliation. "Ow!"
We both chuckle for a few seconds before growing quiet. "I am sorry, you know. About that night. About how I've handled a lot of stuff."
"As am I. But…my view is that whatever has gotten us to this point, this moment, is fine. It was necessary. It's forgiven. Because without it, we wouldn't have this."
"When you put it that way…" We grin again. Mine drops first. "But seriously, why did you decide to come tonight? The few times we almost reached this moment, you put the brakes on. I know you thought it was for my own good, but still."
"You can be incredibly persuasive when you want to be." He smiles, but I don't. I want a real answer. "'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men to do nothing.'" My eyes narrow in confusion. "He does not get to win, Joanna. He does not get to dictate my life anymore. I refuse him that power over me. And as I was flying around the city tonight, blindly searching for him, I realized how idiotic I was being. How there was this brilliant, sexy, astounding woman waiting. For me. A woman who I wanted to be with more than anything in this universe. And if it only allows us tonight or a million tonights, I don't want to waste a second of the gift it finally bestowed upon me."