"Car bomb. Brendan's Hummer. I don't know how he knew, Jem. I don't know how he figured it out. I didn't say a word, I swear on Justin's grave I didn't."
"I know."
"It doesn't make sense. I said Brendan was coming over because we were having an affair. He wasn't in costume, he didn't fly me out, he was just…Brendan Darby. I'm missing something. What did I do wrong? How did I slip up? I-I--"
"This is in no way, shape, or form your fault. It--"
"It's not yours either," I cut in. "I swear it's not."
"I think Lexie would disagree with you." He gazes down. "How is she?"
"Devastated. Scared. Pissed. At you, at me, at life. I'd give her a few days before you reach out."
"I'll take whatever she needs to give me. I deserve it. Everything I touch, everything, I damage. Destroy. My best friend is dead. No matter your viewpoint, if I hadn't come into your lives, you wouldn't have been attacked. Lexie would still have her husband, and Brendan wouldn't be in a body bag right now. You'd all be better off."
Dear God. I am having a massive dose of déjà vu. It's as if I'm back at Rebecca's funeral in a church office standing across from Harry, except in this case I'm Harry. Almost those exact same words spewed from my mouth then. The guilt was so heavy inside, I was a millisecond from being flattened by it. If Jem feels half of what I did then, my heart breaks for him.
"Okay. I'm not gonna lie. I won't sugarcoat it. Would I have been in the hospital last night if we weren't in each other's lives? No. He attacked me because of you." Jem's face contorts into agony before turning away. I touch his cheek and move his eyes back to mine. "Hey. Let me finish." I remove my hand from his tense face. "You come with baggage. More than most even. But I'm still here. Brendan would be too. He and Lexie were for years. They put their lives on the line for you time and time again. So ask yourself: why? We know the risks. Been though them firsthand with the scars to prove it. So why don't we go running for the hills?"
"Why?"
I reach for his hand and stare into his beautiful blue eyes. "Simple checks and balances, genius. Because you're worth it." I entwine my fingers with his. "And I can't speak for the Darby's, not really, but…you brought me back to life. You," I roll my moist eyes, "I don't know, restored my faith that good things are possible in this God awful world. You gave me hope. That's…worth a psychopath or two in your life. And I don't know about you, but I'd rather have a year of brilliant than ten of just okay. And you, sir, are brilliant. Never doubt that for a moment."
We stare into each other's eyes, his searching to see if I'm full of shit, determined to prove I am. I'm fighting through a lifetime of hell, of self-doubt, of dysfunction, anger, and self-hatred. But I just need one crack in the wall, one tiny pinpoint through the mortar. When I see a small smile crossing his face, sad though it may be, I know I've succeeded. I've won. I step into him, folding his arms around my body before doing the same to him. I've never been a hugger or physically affectionate in any way, but I can't stop touching this man. He just brings the tenderness out of me. Never thought it possible. Never.
"You're brilliant too," he whispers.
"Only around you."
Shit. The mood is destroyed as Doris starts beeping to let me know someone's calling for a video chat. I've only used that feature once or twice before, so I don't know who could possibly have the number. We break apart and look at Doris, then one another. I have a feeling I should take this call. Jem sidesteps out of view of the webcam as I move to the computer. I pull up the tracking system in case it really is who I think it is before I accept the call.
"Motherfucker."
"Hello to you too, Miss Fallon," Jordan says onscreen. "Looking well."
The villain sits in what looks like an office with bookcases, file cabinets, and I believe a map slightly out of shot. Nothing distinguishable to allow me to glean where he is. And least he resembles his brother less than yesterday with his hair slicked back and fleece sweatshirt sans glasses. It's still eerie, same face and all.
"Go fuck yourself, psycho."
"Charming. You attempt to kiss my brother with that mouth?" He moves his head to my left. "Has she, Jem? Tried to kiss you?"
"He's not here," I say.
Jordan raises an eyebrow. "You were a far better liar yesterday. I know he's there."
"How?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out." He gazes past me again. "You hiding under your girlfriend's skirts now, big brother?"
"She's not my girlfriend," Jem says harshly behind me.