"But you told me?"
"I-I just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling…like an oddity. Alone."
I half smile again, and hesitantly take his gloved hand. He doesn't pull it away. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
I just hold his freezing, gloved hand for a few seconds in silence as he gazes down at the floor and I at him. "Your hand is like ice," I say.
"Yeah. I was hovering for awhile."
"Here." Before he can protest, I yank his glove off. I rub his hand with my slightly warmer ones. "You must be freezing. Why didn't you say anything?"
"I'm fine."
I grab his other hand, de-glove him, and rub the two together. "You must be soaked through."
"Really, I'm fine."
I shake my head. "I think there might be another set of sweats here somewhere. You really should get out of that suit."
He pulls his hands away. "I-I don't think that's a good idea. No."
His vehemence not only shocks me but cuts me to the core. Anger festers into the wound. I can't take much more of this bullshit. "What? You don't trust me not to look? You can go in the other room. I'm not trying to see you naked or get you to reveal your stupid-ass secret identify. I know I'm not trusted enough to be part of your inner circle. I just want you to be comfortable."
"I told you, I--"
"I know, you would tell me if you could," I say with an eye roll. "Forgive me, it's just, given my experience with your type, if I find that damn hard to believe. I mean, hell, we barely know each other. I am aware of this. I shouldn't expect you to…" I rub my temples and groan. "Okay, we shouldn't have this conversation now. I'm too emotional. I'm bound to say things I don't mean to." I scoot away from him and lay down on the bed again. "You should go. I'll be fine. I promise no more skinny-dipping."
He turns around, face expressionless behind the mask. "I don't think I should go anywhere right now."
I glare. "I told you, I'm fine. I'm not a danger to myself, okay?"
"I don't…you shouldn't be alone." He pauses, his jaw setting. "Justin wouldn't want me to leave you alone in this state."
"And how the hell would you know what Justin would want?"
He's silent, then, "Because. He asked me to look after you, and I promised I would."
My eyes narrow. "When the hell did this happen?"
"During your…ordeal last year. He said should anything happen to him, I was to look in on you from time to time."
I scowl. "Is that why you've…" No. No way. The thought is too horrible. "Never mind. Look, I am not a charity case. I absolve you of your stupid promise, okay? You don't have to…just go, okay?"
"I'm not…" He moves up the bed closer to me. "I want to be here. With you. I do."
I don't have the energy to fight him, especially when I don't want to win. I don't want him to leave. "Thank you," I whisper. He smiles, which brings one to my face too. I look away again before I turn red. Time to change the subject. "What was he like? With you? Justin?"
"Professional. Intuitive. Stubborn. Take charge. He and Tempest butted heads, but we respected him."
"You obviously knew who he was. His real identity."
"And he knew ours. A situation arose, and we all needed to know."
"Did he ever talk about me?"
"Oh, yes," he says with a proud grin. "He compared you to a lioness. Strong, capable, intelligent, fierce. He told me you would walk through the fires of hell if it meant saving someone, even a total stranger. He loved you very much, Joanna. So much."
Fresh tears spill from my eyes, but when I try to blink them away they fall. "Do you think," I choke out, "he was proud of me?"
Nightingale scoots even closer to me, visibly disturbed by my tears. He cups my head in his hands, and I place mine over his. "Of course. How could he not be?"
"I…" I chuckle wryly and shrug. "Panic attacks, moodiness, alcoholism, cheating, take your pick. Not quite the lioness he pitched, huh? How disappointed you must have been."
"God no," he says almost breathless. "I think you are…the most infuriating, challenging, frightening…breathtaking, insightful, astonishing woman I have ever met." He moves in even closer. "You awe me. You're a marvel." His thumb wipes a tear away. "An absolute marvel. And I'm blessed every second we share together."
I can't do this anymore. I surrender.
Not taking my eyes from his, I press my cheek against his hand, enjoying the softness and gentility of it against my skin as a fire alights inside me. I kiss his wrist where the veins cross and his pulse thumps double time. He doesn't move but his breath grows ragged as I trail my lips up the palm to his little finger before nuzzling his hand again. With my other hand, I reach up to his face, lightly brushing his exposed chin before tracing his lips with my thumb. They quiver. "I've dreamed about these lips," I whisper as I smile, "almost every night since we've met."