Again, I nodded. Words were escaping me.
“When do I find out if I’m a match?”
“The panel meets this afternoon. We should have an answer then.”
“Good,” I said, tired beyond belief.
The nurse and Dr. Caldwell left me with her, and I finally used that time to break down. I buried my face in her limp palm, kissed the top of her hand and memorized every pore. I spoke into her ear, not sure if she could hear me, but I did it anyway.
“I love you, Caroline Hunt.”
I sat back down and breathed deeply, resting my head by her leg and keeping my hands on her skin. I just wanted to be near her. I just wanted to save her, and I couldn’t do that by myself.
No amount of money could save her entirely. Nothing I really had worth giving could save her, except my kidney and a faith that God would save her if it was His will.
Ellie came into the room crying and I stood and hugged her fiercely. Emmett, Jonah and Bridge as well as a few of the other hands like Pete and Drew sat with us. We had too many in the room, but the staff there didn’t have the heart to kick us out.
We all sat with her and watched a machine breathe for her. We watched her because she was too beautiful not to.
“Mr. Blackwell,” we heard outside Cricket’s room at three in the afternoon.
My heart raced faster than it ever had and I wondered if I would go into cardiac arrest before I even a chance to save her.
I stood and left the room, sliding the large glass door shut behind me. Dr. Caldwell stood before me. I breathed deeply, trying to compose myself.
“And?”
“I stood outside the panel doors and just heard some news. It’s decided that you are a suitable match as a living donor for Caroline Hunt, and you have been approved for transplant.”
I couldn’t answer him, couldn’t respond. I collapsed on my knees, unable to support myself. I buried my face in my hands. Dr. Caldwell bent over me and patted my back.
“Son, this is very good news.”
I stood and braced a hand on the wall next to me. “This is wonderful news,” I said simply.
“We’ll prep you both for tomorrow.”
“Of course,” I said, a confusing combination of happy, sad, worried, ecstatic and overwhelmed.
I sighed and ran my fingers through my disheveled hair before sliding the doors back open.
“I just talked to Dr. Caldwell and Cricket will get a kidney tomorrow,” I told them.
“What?” Ellie asked, stunned.
“She will?” Bridge asked, sobbing, then hugged Jonah.
“Yes,” I told the room, unable to stop my own tears.
Everyone jumped up and hugged, cried and the relief on their faces made the sacrifice all the more sweet.
Ellie looked at me and her face contorted in pain, but she also looked hopeful. She hugged me tightly around the neck. “It’s your kidney, isn’t it?” she asked, stunning me.
I pulled her away from me and answered her with a simple nod. She hugged me tighter and cried a little bit harder. “I love her, Ellie.”
“I know,” she said and kissed my cheek.
We all sat and reveled in our good news, talking and in such a hopeful mood.
“You know,” I told Ellie softly, “I hadn’t even gotten a chance to tell Cricket.”
“That you love her?”
“Yes,” I said, a little bit sad.
“Spencer, my darling, she already knows.”
I shook my head, looking at her beautiful face.
“Spencer,” Ellie repeated, “she knows, my boy.”
“How?”
“Oh, I knew it before you did and so did she, though she was too stubborn to admit it,” she laughed.
“You’re not upset about Ethan?” I asked her.
“Spencer,” she said, “I love Ethan like a son. He’s a very good boy, but I never thought he was right for my granddaughter. Ethan is very consistent, he’s got very set ideas about things, and Cricket is the very opposite of that. She’s impetuous and very open and Ethan tried to stifle that. Now, I never disliked him, ever. He was patient and kind and he did love her very much, but he was not meant for Cricket.”
I breathed a little easier. “I was so afraid you would hate me for taking her away from him.”
“No one here does. We’re not blind, boy. We see things as they really are.”
“Thank you,” I told her.
“Everyone can see the way she looks at you. The way you look at her. Everyone knows how much you love her. Everyone recognizes a good fit when they see it.”
It was so comforting to hear her words.
A knock came at the glass door and Jonah told them to come in.
A man walked into the room, towering over us in our chairs, the smile on his face was so malevolent, so malicious, my hands shook violently. I stood quickly.