Full Throttle(65)

“Come here.” He reached for her again. “Hold me, Abby.”

She wrenched herself from his grip, her heart beating frantically. She could maybe—the jury was still out—live with Rosa’s blood on her hands. But Carlos’s? No. No! “Call the dean,” she begged him. “He’ll let you back into the program. He’ll let you finish your rotations, and—”

“My decision is made,” he told her. “Now, come here. I want you to—”

“No, Carlos.”

He lifted a brow, shaking his head in confusion. “What? I don’t underst—”

“I need you to…to go. I have to…” Call her father or…or the dean. Something! She shook her head, begging him with her eyes.

His chin jerked back a second before his expression hardened. “I see.”

Did he?

“Okay, then…” He swallowed, his throat seeming to have trouble with the maneuver. “So, I guess I…I guess I’ll be seeing you.”

“What?” Why did that sound like a final farewell? “Wait! I—”

When he turned to her, the smile on his face was the saddest thing she’d ever seen. It hit her with the force of a wrecking ball and she nearly doubled over with the impact of it. “I do understand, Abby,” he assured her. “But even though…” he trailed off, swallowing again as he reached for the door. “Just…if you ever need me…don’t hesitate to call, okay?”

And then, just like that, he was gone. Never to be seen again until a few days ago. Though he’d always remained a constant in her thoughts, in her heart, in her life, seeing as how that was the deal she’d struck with her father. You promise to keep an eye on Carlos and let me know of any change in his circumstances, and I promise to keep living the lie.

And, oh! How she’d hated her father for tossing Carlos out of the frying pan of the Rangers once his stint with the Army was up and into the fire of Black Knights Inc. She’d threatened to go to Carlos and tell him the truth, but her father had assured her it had been Carlos’s decision. He could have finished medical school. He could have joined the Secret Service. He’d chosen the Black Knights. Chosen them of his own free will because that’s the life he apparently wanted. And so she’d held her tongue. Again.

When she lifted her eyes to his now, it took everything she had to stop her hot tears from spilling over her lower lids. Despite the warm, humid air inside the hut, she was cold. Cold through and through. Down to her bones. Down to her soul.

“I didn’t reject you that day,” she whispered, shivering. “I swear I didn’t. I sent you away because I had to call my father, call the dean, call whoever would listen to me and whoever might have the power to persuade you not to join the Army.”

His brows pulled together, his frown smoothing away his dimple. “So that’s why they both tried to talk me down? I always wondered why either of them would take an interest in me.”

“But nothing would dissuade you.” She shook her head. “You were so stubborn. So determined.”

“I was hungry for retribution,” he admitted. “I wanted to make those cowardly hijos de putas who killed my sister—and all the other evil men in the world—pay for what they’d done.”

“And have you?” she asked, searching his face, not allowing herself to focus on the fact that she herself fell into the category of one of those cowardly hijos de putas. “Did the battles in Fallujah or Lashkagar or Sangin or all the missions you’ve been on with the Black Knights quench your thirst for vengeance?”

He tilted his head. It was strange that, at a time like this, she should notice the crystalline drop of water that hung from the lobe of his left ear. It slowly coalesced and fell to the mat and she found herself watching its journey. Then her gaze was riveted to his face when, with narrowed eyes, he asked, “How do you know about those battles? Those missions?”

And shit on stick. She’d just outed herself. “I—” She had to stop and take a deep breath. There were those smells again, the rain on his skin, the gun black. “I made my father promise to keep tabs on you. I made him promise to tell me when something important happened in your life.”

For a moment, he didn’t move, simply continued to watch her with searching intensity. Then he jerked his chin in a nod. “Well that explains the look on your face back in the jungle when I asked how you knew about the Black Knights,” he said, his stern expression sliding into one of contemplation. “But why? Why would you do that?”