Fulfillment(72)

“Oh, you are my saviour.” I gripped the railing, balancing myself and shoved it directly into my cast. “I hate this thing. I hate it with a passion. I hate all orthopaedic surgeons and I want to wage a war against plaster and fibreglass.”

“That would be an interesting war,” she murmured. “People have fought and died for much less.” She continued, “So, would you like to tell me what happened now that Bryce has gone?”

I nodded and grabbed hold of my crutches. “Let’s go inside first, I think it’s about to rain.”

We both made our way inside and sat opposite each other on the lounge.

“Would you like a drink?” I offered.

“No thank you, dear.”

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yes, I’m just fine.”

“Can I get you anything at all?” I offered again.

“Alexis? Are you being overly polite or are you trying to delay the inevitable?” Grrr, you smart, smarty-pants doctor of smarts.

“Okay, Gareth is what happened,” I admitted with defeat, while continuing to scratch my leg with the pen.

The mention of Bryce’s cousin, her patient, got her full attention.

She snapped her eyes to mine. “How so?” she asked probingly.

I shrugged my shoulders as I nonchalantly rattled off my reasons. “He came by to visit. Scott and I have a history. I don’t really know how to act around him. He makes me feel uneasy. And, his aftershave triggered a flashback.”

She raised her eyebrow then frowned at me. “Tell me all about it. I want to know what happened from the moment he walked in to the moment you passed out.” She patted her pockets, looking for a pen. I reluctantly offered hers back.

“Never mind, I’ve got another one.” She reached into her briefcase and pulled out another pen. Brilliant, I probably would not have relinquished this one anyway.

I repeated everything that had transpired like she asked me to, while she sat there and took her notes.

“Alexis, we’ve been through the possibility of your flashbacks being a result of your inner guilt—”

I cut in. “But I don’t feel guilty anymore. I’ve honestly accepted that the fall was not my fault. So why would my mind persist on trying to convince me of something I am already convinced of?”

“Well, that’s a good question. And my answer to that is that this recent attack may just be a result of your anxious feelings toward Gareth. It may be completely separate from your fall altogether.”

I shrugged my shoulders. Maybe she was right, although I wasn’t quite sure.

“I can prescribe a mild antidepressant drug for you, if you’d like. But, honestly, I don’t think you’ll need it. I think we should continue our talks, I also think you need to get back to your normal everyday life. You’ve been working again, which is good. How about your friends? Have you seen any of them?”

“No, not yet,” I answered, quickly.

“Why’s that?”

“I’ve just wanted time with Bryce, alone. It’s too soon to see them.”

She nodded. “That’s okay, Alexis. You can see people when you are ready to see them. I’m glad you’re consciously making that choice.” Her voice sounded soft and reassuring. “Think of it as a process, a routine, a cycle as such. As time moves on and you go back to doing the things you have always done, you will find that you are moving on out of habit. Now, if that doesn’t happen for some reason, we will look at other methods to help that eventuate.”

She put her notepad down and picked up her phone. “Now, if Gareth triggers another attack I want to know right away. That, in itself, is perplexing, but as I said it may just be a result of your dislike for him—”

“It’s not that I don’t like him. I just get the feeling he doesn’t like me and that makes me feel uneasy.”

“Well, that’s fair enough. It might be best to just avoid him initially though, or practice the breathing techniques I taught you for when you do come across him again.” She started typing into her phone. “When are you planning on seeing your children next?”

“Tomorrow,” I answered with a smile.

“Good. After you explain to Nate and Charlotte what has happened, you may find you feel less anxious and that a weight of relief has been lifted from you, a weight you did not know you carried.”

“I’m fully aware that I am carrying that particular weight, Jessica.”

“Of course you know you are carrying that weight, Alexis. But that weight could also be linked to you being anxious and fearful in general, not just over telling your children. Do you understand what I’m saying?” She rested her hands on her lap.