I hadn’t spoken to her since the fire and Gareth’s death. I really wasn’t sure what she was thinking or how she felt toward me. It made me nervous to think that this may have a detrimental effect on our friendship, and if it did, I would try my hardest to make it right again. Sam was my friend, an unorthodox one at that, but she was my friend and had helped me settle in from being a stay-at-home mum to a working professional again—she’d helped keep me sane.
As if she felt me staring at her, she looked up and caught my eye. I smiled at her warily and hoped for the same response. Thankfully, I got what I thought was a sympathetic smile back, so I nodded respectfully at her then gripped Bryce’s hand as the minister began to speak.
After the service and burial, I took a moment to linger above Gareth’s plot while clenching a book to my chest. I’d wanted a few moments alone to pay my respects, having an overwhelming feeling that I had to let Gareth know in some way that I was aware of what he had done for me.
I took a deep breath, knelt down beside his grave and looked down at his casket. “Thank you. I know you sacrificed yourself for me, I could see it in your eyes right before you told me to run. I knew at that moment what you planned to do, and I want to let you know that I’m truly sorry I couldn’t help you.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes. “You’ve probably already read this, Gareth, but just in case you haven’t, I thought you might like it. Plus, you kind of remind me of Samwise Gamgee.” I dropped my book of The Fellowship of the Ring into his grave. “And don’t worry, I’ll make sure Lauchie gets a new one every year, I promise.”
I spent a few more moments alone by Gareth’s grave thinking about life—past, present and future. Bryce and Lucy were talking to friends and family, and Nate and Charli were both at school. I felt it wasn’t necessary, nor was it responsible to allow them to go to the funeral. Charli was too young to understand Gareth’s condition or reason for his death, and Nate was too smart for his own boots and would piece together the story. So much had happened in my children’s lives this past year as a result of my actions and decisions, and although some of those changes had been good and for the better, some of them had been incredibly hard for them, too. I didn’t want to add another painstaking event to the list of things they would have to decipher and work through. They didn’t need to know their mother was almost killed by their soon-to-be stepfather’s mentally ill cousin. Instead, I had told them that the apartment had caught on fire due to an explosion, and Gareth had tried to save me. It wasn’t entirely far from the truth. In my eyes, he was a hero after all.