She looked in his direction, a lascivious glint in her eye then turned back to me. “You are no longer carrying his child, nor do you have a ring on your finger. Until then, he is fair game.”
Before I knew it, my hand connected swiftly with her face, the echo from my skin slapping hers sounding loudly throughout the lobby.
“Don’t you dare mention my child, you fucking bitch!” I hissed quietly. I was furious. She stood there stunned, holding her hand against her pink cheek. “Get this through that thick head of yours: Bryce. Is. Not. Interested. In. You. He wasn’t years ago and he isn’t now. I am the one he is looking at when he says ‘I love you’. I will be the one he gets down on bended knee for, and before you know it, we will be married and you’ll be working for me. So pull your fucking head out of your arse, or you’ll find yourself unemployed.”
I gave her the once-over with my critical glare then left her there to dissect my words.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, it is an emotion so intense that it takes control and overpowers your senses, leaving you feeling at a loss entirely. Without grief, we would never appreciate the joy we had beforehand. Never value what we lost. Never be truly grateful. If all had gone to plan and the world was a place where fate was written in the stars, I’d be holding my newborn baby girl Bianca in my arms this day. But it’s not. Life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, love and loss. And life would not be worth experiencing if it weren’t just that. You can’t have the good without the bad, you need to somehow learn to accept the bad and adjust it in a way that you can endure and overcome.
Bryce was busy with overseeing the precinct’s set up of the Christmas Extravaganza that was held every year. I’d asked Lucy to fill in for me in the office as I was not in the right frame of mind to work. I needed some time to myself to clear my head, not only from the wave of grief I had been feeling on and off since waking up this morning, but from the dreaded feeling of my fall that kept torturing me. I still suffered flashbacks on occasion but had learned to acknowledge them then let them go. It was quite possible I would never be rid of them. Then again, maybe one day I would. For now though, accepting them and moving on was what Jessica had encouraged me to do and I was doing that.
***
I popped my Live Trepidation CD into the Charger’s CD player, and remembering what Matt had said at my birthday party, I pressed track four. The sound of an acoustic guitar riff filled the speakers in my car, automatically coercing a smile at the recognition of Bryce’s musical genius. The tune was sweet yet the twang of the strings plucked in quick succession indicated its intricacy. Derek’s smooth voice filtered through the speakers shortly after, singing lyrics of awakening and coming to life, about the concept of a revelation that one can be lost then found. I liked the song and automatically connected with it, but it was not just a connection resulting from Bryce being the sole instrumentalist—it was significant to my life’s recent journey—it was appropriate.
Derek escalated his vocals along with Bryce’s strumming, singing the chorus that instantly triggered a sense of déja vu, the lyrics being ones I had seen before.
‘You’re all that I want and nothing else.
‘I’ve fallen hard and will never get up.
I cannot let go...I won’t.
You’re infectious, my love.’
Oh, my, God. It’s the song Bryce was writing when we’d first gotten together. I quickly turned it up and listened in surprise and wonderment. Having Bryce’s declaration immortalised in the form of a song captured me entirely and left me stunned, but it also warmed my heart immensely.
When the song finished, I smiled. Is it naive to believe that Bryce loves me as much as he appears to love me? I shook my head, once again feeling that I had to pinch myself daily where he was concerned, having believed in the past that a love like ours was a love only found in fairy tales. But I was wrong. He had proved that time and time again; his devotion for me was evident in everything that he did.
I pulled out my phone and typed him a text:
I just listened to track 4 on your CD.
If anyone is infectious, it’s u, my luv. - Alexis
I hit send, sighed contentedly then looked out the window, taking in my surroundings and therefore losing my smile. It’s amazing how your heart can play tug-of-war, fighting between happiness one second and sadness the next then somehow finding that in-between to keep it sane. My heart was currently in that predicament, as the last time I was here I’d had to say good bye to my daughter.