I had the epiphany that nothing is worth this pain, anxiety, depression, and consistent loneliness. How on earth did I expect any woman to be with me, if I did not even know who 'me' was?
I had hit rock bottom.
I had two options, to end it all, as nothing was worth continuing this agony, or decided to try one more thing...stop giving a fuck and be the guy who has nothing to lose.
This was the beginning of my life, I was re-born.
As I was so terrified of what people thought of me and if they liked me or not, this was the first issue I had to deal with. How? By making an agreement with myself.
If I felt angry...BE ANGRY! Don't hide it. I gave myself permission to be a grumpy asshole.
If I felt sad...BE SAD! Cry, sob, sulk, externalize how I felt.
I had bottled up SO much shit for years that when I began to do this...the old Chris everybody knew, disappeared. I was no longer that forcefully smiley guy. I stopped attempting to force my naturally introverted self to be extroverted. I stopped being accommodating to everyone, and I chose to be entirely selfish, and firstly look after myself.
Now, I am in no way telling you to go and do all this. Because I am pretty sure you are not as damaged as I was.
Through the process of allowing myself feel and express, something happened. I lost friends I had for many years. Why? Because I no longer filled my role within the group dynamic. I moved on.
My Seductive Epiphany
At this moment, I had also stopped with all the pick-up lines, routines, and canned stuff I had been learning and trying out for a few years during my damaged phase. I got very limited results, and when I decided to really stop caring, was when I stopped caring about trying to get girls to like me.
I truly believed I was hideously unattractive both physically, and as a man. I didn't even feel like a man. I felt like a scared little boy.
So, along with all the other safety nets in my life, I threw my pick-up books, videos, and paraphernalia away, and gave up. No more girls for Chris, I didn't deserve them. That's how I felt.
My seductive epiphany came one night as I was sitting in the corner of a dark bar, on my own in Ireland.
I was by myself, oozing a pissed off vibe...but an incredibly free and pissed off vibe. I did not care who saw me, how they felt about me, or what they call me. I was contently pissed off, with zero pressure on me to do anything. I let my pain at the door on new years eve. As I said, nothing was worth it.
As I buried my lips into the deep brown whiskey in my glass, I noticed there was a girl standing opposite me with some friends. She was beautiful, but I didn't care. I remember thinking "I would totally fuck her, but I don't even care anymore."
This was coming from a place of giving up. Letting go. I was in not prepared to go and try to do stuff or take on a particular behaviour in order to impress her. That caused me pain and confusion in the past where after all my pick-up efforts, the fruition of my effort never paid off, and plus, she was way too fucking pretty for me anyway.
We made eye contact quite a bit over the space of about an hour. It was in a very matter of fact way, with my asking why the hell does she keep looking at me, piss off.
I went to the bathroom, came back to my table, and over she strutted.
She said hi with a warm smile.
I said Hey, in a very confused way. I was waiting for her to ask me could she and her friends take my table. This was not the case!
She looked at me square in the eye and asked could she sit down. I said yes, in a suspicious manner.
"Are you ok?" she asked. "Yes" I blankly responded. "I'm fine".
"You don't look it. I'm Ciara"
She extended her hand and I shook it. At this point she stood up from across the table, and came and sat down beside me on the couch. She was very persistent in asking me why I was there on my own.
I was very matter of fact about everything. I told her I did not want to speak to anyone, that's why I am in the corner. The conversation went very deep very fast. Before I knew it, I began to get genuinely curious about her as a person, and started to ask her questions.
Fast forward 2 hours later, and her friends had left her with me. I had explained to her in depth why I was the way I was, and the agreement I had made with myself. In turn, she told me lots about herself. I respected and appreciated many parts of her, and actually forgot that she was a "HB9".
Out of nowhere..."Chris, you have no idea how horny you are making me, I want to go home with you."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME I thought? I did NOTHING!
I had nothing to prove, therefore I did not, and guess what, she found that sexy, honest, strong, deep, and safe. She felt safe with me.
That night I was brought home by the most attractive women I had ever spoken to up to that point in my life. We had sex...the first time in about 2 years.
To this day, that is the most valuable experience I have ever had. Without that, I do not know where I would be now, or what I would be doing.
It kick-started a journey. A journey of questioning what women really find attractive in a man.
I stayed on the path of letting it all go, and staying in a "given up" state. What this did for me, was allow me to never even feel the need to try and get a woman, or convince her to like me. I was who I was, I felt how I felt, and I expressed it internally, without care.
I started as INCREDIBLY verbally direct which I then began to refine with the more women I experienced and questioned on why they were with me. I began to smooth out the edges so to speak.
The effortless of seduction was very annoying at the beginning. I thought "you mean to tell me I was lied to for my entire life by society on what I must do to get girls". I presumed I needed to impress her, be her knight in shining armour, have the coolest clothes, the best lines and routines, the most money, the best job, so on and so forth.
I was moving through life like a scruff, with no money, no job, and yet I was taking very beautiful women of socially handsome and high value men...effortlessly.
It seemed the internal freedom I granted myself, was intoxicating. Women wanted to be around it in any way they could. It's like they could smell it. I was being checked out on a constant basis. I'm talking getting seriously eye-fucked by girls holding hands with their boyfriends.
It was intense, crazy, slightly confusing, but INCREDIBLY liberating.
That, was the internal situation which was going on. In terms of practically, I had to begin to show up and take action in my life. I started to do it, quite easily actually. When I let it all go, and felt like I really had nothing to prove, I began to throw myself into situations everywhere without caution.
I stopped trying to impress people.
I stopped trying to be cool.
I stopped trying to be friendly if I didn't feel the need to.
I stopped trying to say the perfect thing.
I promised myself I would never again break who I am, just to please someone else.
I dedicated myself to me...which in turn, meant I could later share myself with the world and really give, because I wanted to, not because I felt if I did it, I would gain something in return. I didn't need anything.
Approaching women, why the hell not.
This, in essence is how I began to be with many women every week. Practically, of course I had to go and approach, lots. This allowed me to refine everything which was incredibly uncalibrated.
Take what you will with my above experience, and come to your own conclusions of how it might relate to your current situation, internally. It is THE most important aspect of being truly successful with women on a consistent basis, and what I base a huge amount of my coaching on, getting guys to that core.
You MUST be showing up!
You MUST be speaking to, interacting with, and questioning women on how you make them feel.
You MUST learn from your mistakes.
And you MUST leave your ego at the door!
You deserve everything I do, and I deserve everything you do. Know this!
Magic:
I turned towards her as she beamed. We locked eyes, all I could see was her femininity, all I could feel was her lips, which In my head, were already wrapped around the cusp of my penis. She was fucking magic!
I would firstly like to apologise if the explanation of events is somewhat difficult to understand. I find it incredibly hard to verbalize magic. Magic is what I call the intense energetic connection felt between 2 members of the opposite sex, where one is incredibly polarizing to the other. I will do my best to get across in detail the scene, combined with the internal and external pattern and information. To me, sexual attraction and seduction is in no way based on techniques or lines, or even rules for that matter. Its magic…which comes when you are empty enough to allow it, even if it can be absolutely terrifying! (I may at times sidetrack off topic, but this is how my mind works when I’m trying to get it all out)
In she walked, and before I even laid eyes on her, her presence hit me like a brick wall. My energy left the soles of my feet and rocketed its way up to my solar plexus, then hit my chest, aggressively shifting my breathing, control vanished. This manifested in an increase in blood pressure, and what some men may refer to as “anxiety”.
This feminine creature had instantly overwhelmed me, and uprooted any sense of grounding I previously had. The difference between me and the unaware man, is I felt this instantly. I immediately regained presence, and with a deep and controlled breathe, I re-rooted my energy back down to my core, and pushed my awareness back out into the environment.