Do YOU, and use what I share to give yourself permission to find it, and OWN YOUR SHIT!!!
How To Meet Women Effortlessly – Being With Yourself:
Being observant and aware of others is a beautiful quality we can all apply. When you stop focusing on all the things you hate about yourself or want to fix, and instead choosing to just BE WITH YOURSELF with appreciation and self love, your focus begins to move outward to others and you begin to wonder how you can impact the people around you in a positive way.
So there I was, minding my own business in a small cafe in the center of Barcelona. There were 2 girls sitting across the cafe on their own, having a very obvious deep and emotional conversation. Both were fully facing each other, with hands holding and interlinked.
It was very clear that something traumatic was after occurring. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but I could FEEL it. The feeling was a heavy quality. It was weighty.
I reverted my attention back to my laptop and daily emails, but every now and again, i would feel the heaviness in the small rustic cafe rise to palpable levels. It was a pretty quiet day with only 2 other tables taken up. As their conversation went on, the feeling I was having towards the one girl in particular continued to avert my attention away from what my analytical brain was doing(responding to a client who was asking me how can he break up with some of his girlfriends as he has too many).
Eventually, I gave up, closed my laptop and sat back.
I tossed the end of my tea back and prepared to leave. I looked up and noticed her friend had left, probably to the toilet I assumed. I continued to zip up my laptop bag and make my way out. As I was walking towards the girls table, she looked up from her lap and we made eye contact. BOOM!!!
It was as if we knew each other, like we had met before. She was a petit brunette girl with olive skin and jean shorts combined with a pink vest top. She was utterly gorgeous, but that is not what I noticed.
I noticed that her eyes, in that second she looked at mine, were glazed and holding water. She had puffyness under her eyes as if she had being crying, or was definitely about to.
In that moment I stopped. Put my bag down. Sat down beside her. Put my arm around her, and she nestled her face into my neck and started to silently sob. The jumping of the shoulders was the first very clear sign. I sat there with this complete stranger, not saying anything. I just stayed present in myself and gave her the secure space. I didn’t react to her, as doing so would of been pointless.
I sat with her, breathed with her, held her. Thats it.
Her friend arrived back from the restroom, and stopped when she saw us. She took 2 or 3 seconds to register in her mind what was happening. We looked each other in the eye, I gave a soft smile, she returned it, sat down on the other side, and we both consoled her.
This went on for about 10 minutes, which seemed like an eternity. Once I felt she had vented fully, I decided to apply one of the most beautiful gifts the masculine can give the feminine…that is changing her mood, not her mind.
The first words I spoke, after this eternity of tears was whispered: “Hey, I will need to get your address so I can send you all your snot back once I pick it off my shoulder”.
She erupted into a relived giggle, and we all started laughing. “If there was an olympic sport for the amount of tears produced, you’d get gold” i said.
I chose to lighten up and be playful with her and she followed by saying in her dutch accent “You are the greatest tissue ever”.
We exchanged names, and chatted for a bit. She informed me what was happening that day, and why she was so upset. We all talked a bit more, got ice cream, then parted ways.
The reason I am sharing this with you, is because the core of why this took place, is the exact reason I meet women so effortlessly in my daily life.
Being observant and aware of others is a beautiful quality we can all apply. When you stop focusing on all the things you hate about yourself or want to fix, and instead choosing to just BE WITH YOURSELF with appreciation and self love, your focus begins to move outward to others and you begin to wonder how you can impact the people around you in a positive way.
The way it feels to me, is i am so content inside, that I want others to be able to feel what i do, so I shower them, with me.
BUT, you do not want to shower them with unawareness. Stick with me here, il explain.
Lets take the man who learns pick-up structures. He is forever in his own head, because that is where all the techniques he has learned from the pick up coach goes. The information goes into his head. Originally, why did he want this structure and information?…because he was not ok with himself(if he was, women would of been dripping off his purpose). The very fact he is not ok with himself, means he refuses to ever feel into himself or to listen to himself. He lives in avoidance OF HIMSELF, like a scared little boy. Most of us do, its crazy when you really think about how the things you do are a means of avoidance. Some in big ways, others in little ways, but avoidance none the less.
Television
Video Games
Netflix
Alcohol
Drugs
Junk food
Right down to places you go and where you position yourself.
So, this guy, he is not happy in himself, he feels confused and sad.
Because society advertises everything outside of ourselves as a means of happiness, he must then focus SO much internally to do the things which will allow him to continue this avoidance, such as, in this example, learning cool pick up techniques to impress girls as he does not all ready feel good enough in himself.
This man lives in his head to the point his awareness of the world around him is miniscule, and only ever seen in relation to all HIS needs and insecure wants. Its like a veil of poison that continues to feed itself.
Lets as an example say that this man is in the coffee shop I was in. He looks over to this table. What does he see? The girls? The emotion? The situation? No, usually not. From my own experience of being around these men, he sees 1 thing… a “2-set”. This is what 2 girls together is referred to in the pick-up manuals. Also the words “targets” can be used.
From this immediate moment, his relating to the girls and the situation takes on a completely different path of unawareness and refusal to think outside of himself. He starts formulating his tactics to approach, not once asking himself ‘hmmm, i wonder how this wonderful person is feeling’. Its all me me me me me! He needs, to validate.
Finally, once he feels ready and equipt enough and completely disconnected from his body…He approaches the table.
“Hey, I saw your when i was eating my lunch, who the hell are you? your hot.”(this being an example of some over the top forced alpha type behaviour, to seem strong and effective)
These particular girls would of most likely met him with a “FUCK OFF, we’r busy”, as he showed zero sensitivity to their situation.
This is literally how I meet girls and people in general all the time. I notice something and I say it, before I even think about the fact I should go talk to her because she looks hot. Im already over there, because I saw something or heard something that interested me, which i chose to allow fall out of my mouth.
Not in one instance do i go to a rehearsed universal pick-up line. It starts with observation or awe, and ends in sexy time.
Unawareness to others comes from an insecure self indulgence of your own blown up and overly exaggerated problems(which are created by you and have no basis is reality).
This is usually one of the first red flags that arise with guys when they first start the process of coaching with me. I see them interact with girls, completely disconnected from the fact that they are talking to another human being with feelings and emotions. The most effective way to communicating with anyone, man or woman, is to be relatable to them. As people, we desire to be really understood.
Women especially, want a man who does not need to ask “is everything ok?”. or “What’s the matter?”. She wants to be around a man who knows HER.
Women are beautifully subtle, and they are also as obvious as a wrecking ball. Women desire your knowingness. She craves for you to feel her and where she is at, from the very first moment you lay eyes on her. This gives her ultimate security with you.
The first step to feeling her, is to feel yourself. You must be self aware. Not in terms of your mental wanderings, but about the fact you are mentally wandering, so you can then re-avert your awareness to your physical body and retain presence and space.
Some of the shit men say to girls when they first go and speak to them is shooting themselves in the foot. They blow themselves out.
Practically speaking, I want to inspire you to become more observant of the people around you. Stop seeing them as a sea of bopping heads robotically going about their day. Understand that they are each innate individual beings, cosmically intricate in who they are and what they may be experiencing. It deploys a sense of wonder and intrigue when I watch people .
When I spot a woman I am attracted to, I become endlessly curious about her. I become aware of her, and REALLY feel her. Where is she at right now? What might she be feeling? Thinking? Does this mean she always wants me when I go and say hi? Hell no, of course not, and I couldn’t care less. My only responsibilty is to be connected to who I am, and show up fully. This allows me to connect with the women I have a deep chemistry with, and it also allows me to meet who I do not have chemistry with, which can be equally as fun.