She’d never heard his voice sound so tightly controlled, so much like he was holding himself in. It frightened her a little. Hadn’t he said he wanted kids and had every intention of being in the baby’s life? Or had she completely misremembered that?
“I...”
Have no defense.
Really, she didn’t. It was only due to her own cowardice that she hadn’t told him right away, and as a result, she’d ended up alone over the last couple of days anyway. Nausea turned her stomach over and threatened to expel the chicken noodle soup she’d eaten earlier to settle it.
“I can’t do this now,” she whispered and sank to the hardwood floor outside her bathroom. She’d thought...well, it didn’t matter that she’d thought maybe there was a chance things might magically work out.
“Or ever?” he countered. “You didn’t want to tell me because you realized our publicity campaign would be over, right?”
Stricken, she stared at him. He thought she’d kept this quiet because she was worried about publicity? “That makes no sense, Logan. Why would our opportunities for publicity end just because I’m pregnant?”
As if that was the most important thing to hash out. He hadn’t asked how she was dealing with it, how far along she was. Whether she’d gone to the doctor. None of the things she’d expected. His reaction was almost...cold.
A shiver worked down her spine. This situation was unraveling fast. Potential for miscarriage aside, now that he knew, she’d honestly expected more of a positive reaction.
“Oh, you’re right,” he said silkily in a dark tone that did not sound like that of a man happy to find out he was going to be father. “Why not continue faking our relationship no matter what? Should be easy. We’ve been doing it this long, pretending we like each other for the camera. What’s an unexpected pregnancy between friends?”
There was nothing friendly about his sarcasm, and his point cut through her. He’d been faking it this whole time. While she’d been fighting her feelings and trying not to fall for him, he hadn’t been engaged in a similar battle. She’d created a fantasy in her head because he’d given her a few intense looks during sex.
Nothing about their relationship was real. Hadn’t she learned that lesson by now? She should have. The pain radiating through her chest was exactly what she deserved for daring to pretend they’d been building something neither of them could walk away from.
“My mistake,” she said, proud of how substantial her voice sounded when in reality, her insides felt hollowed out. Fitting that she could fake even this. “I misspoke. It seems as if it might be best if we ended our public relationship. The sooner the better, so we have time to work on a recovery plan.”
“And our private one, too.” Then he twisted the knife in farther before she had a chance to fully process that. “That’s why you didn’t tell me, I’m guessing. You knew it would be the end of us and opted to keep the devastation to a minimum.”
Miserably, she nodded and shut her eyes against the blackness spreading across Logan’s face. At the end of the day, that was the gist of it. She hadn’t told him out of pure selfishness. She’d eventually miscarry anyway and there’d be nothing holding them together. But even that had been imaginary, because there was nothing holding them together now, either, apparently.
Why not let him leave now instead of then? It was a simple matter of timing.
Obviously he didn’t want her or the baby. Or maybe he didn’t want the baby strictly because it was hers. Hadn’t he always said she wasn’t his type? They were ill suited for each other. That was why he’d always asked her to dress differently, after all.
“I can’t do this now, either,” he growled. “Congratulations. You’ve successfully provoked my temper. I have to get out of here.”
She scuttled out of the doorway so he could stride from the bathroom. Without a backward glance, he stormed from her condo and took the majority of her heart with him.
The only piece left was tucked in next to the fetus still growing in her womb. For now. She lived in fear of the day she’d wake up in her own blood and know that she was once again alone.
* * *
Trinity forced herself to lie in the bed she’d made, continuing to go to work and do her job, but it was far more rote than she would like to admit. Her body hurt all the time and her creativity fled along with her ability to feel anything other than miserable. Thankfully, she’d gotten far enough along in the Bloom campaign that her creative team could run with it.
Logan didn’t call. She kept her phone in her hand constantly and cursed every time it buzzed and there wasn’t a message from him.