From A to Bee(29)

A comedian recently commented that he knew he was getting old as he had actually met all of his friends. I know exactly what he meant now that I have all these online 'friends'. Saturday was the first day I physically met one of them and fortunately Quinn was as nice in person as he was on Twitter. It's always difficult to know what they are really like in little snapshot sentences of 140 characters but Quinn seemed a lovely guy and as camp as a row of pink tents, which only added to his charm. An asset to his company certainly, he further convinced me to purchase a Beehaus at some point but I simply cannot justify the price tag at the moment. Starting up beekeeping isn't exactly cheap and this is just one purchase too much for now.





APRIL 1



On reflection, I wish that I had sat back at the start of this year and made myself a list. After all, I am a bit of a list man. Literally every day I write lists for almost everything that I do. Unless I can tick things off throughout the day I am a little bit lost and that is pretty much where I am now. I seem to be obtaining equipment a little bit randomly and as and when I think about it.



Today I decided I had to buy a bee suit, and so did a great Internet search. It seems there are lots of options out there. I did a detailed search, looking at the colours, quality and price. I have to be honest, usually I will try to get away with the cheapest option but I wasn't that keen to go for the bargain basement option here. The last thing I wanted was to wear out a bee suit quickly and discover a hole mid-inspection which the bees would have discovered moments before.



Instead I went to the company that most people seemed to accept as the best suit company out there, B. J. Sherriff, and ordered my suit. Apart from the fact that most of my association wear their suits, I think it was more the fact that they have this great big 'Sherriff' badge as their logo on the breast of the suit so it reminds me of playing Cowboys and Indians as a child. I never got to be the sheriff as a boy and was constantly shot at by my mates and had my bows and arrows broken in two. Now was my chance!



As a result of the suit purchase, I also ordered a variety of other items, which included a rather large and shiny looking smoker and something called a hive tool, which I knew to be important.



Looking forward to when they arrive, if only to try on the bee suit.





APRIL 4





The package arrives.



Today I am feeling another step closer to my one pot of honey as my bee suit, smoker and other fancy, highly technological equipment arrived. Since we live in the middle of nowhere, our post usually arrives about a year behind everyone else's and so I was quite surprised it arrived so quickly. Though I had ordered an extra-large bee suit, large smoker and hive tool and was expecting a huge parcel I was amazed to see that it was in fact tiny; little more than Easter egg-sized, apt for the time of year but far more exciting!



I opened the box with anticipation, with Jo in tow wanting to see what on earth I was going to look like.



When I opened the parcel the first item that caught my eye was a fantastic shiny smoker. When I say shiny I mean mirror shiny. The extent of the shine brought back memories of my years as a mountain climber at university. Back then, shiny equipment was looked down upon. We would get to the mountain with all of our climbing gear wrapped around our waist and I remember the day that I had just bought my own gear and headed up to the base of the mountain with pride. I felt like a cowboy who walks into the wrong bar and the music stops, like I had just said something really inappropriate in the lull of conversation. Everyone was looking at me and I could see them looking at each other and I am sure I saw one whispering to the other, 'Oh look, here's a novice'; and they would all stop climbing and watch me attempt a climb. I remember so well the urge to get out each individual bit of kit and scratch it so no one would know next time. Every time I get something shiny I think of that moment and it always makes me smile.



Now I imagined reaching the apiary, and as others saw the sparkle of my new smoker they would gather round as I tried to light it, ramping up the pressure until the puffs of smoke came regularly, white and even – which is always a joyful moment, apparently.



Continuing through the package, next out was the 'hive tool', which is used to help you get out each frame when you are checking the bees. I have heard others refer to it as the 'beekeeper's friend' as you can't really do anything without it. I unravelled the tissue paper it was wrapped in and then all of the bubble wrap and out popped the brightest bit of kit I have ever seen in my life. It was bright orange and not only that, it was shiny as well. It is undoubtedly the brightest thing that I have ever owned. My thoughts, however, were then taken to a very different place when Jo mentioned what a lovely ice pick it would make. I am not sure if it is just me but a female voice uttering the words 'wonderful ice pick' transports me back to the film Fatal Attraction and instant nightmares. I quietly hid the hive tool in my jacket and moved quickly on.