Friends with Benefits(31)

"Oh, I'm sorry. If you're busy, I can call back later."


"Stop it. It's fine. I'm happy to chat. What's up?"


I fiddled with my mouse cord and chewed my bottom lip. I was so nervous  to ask the question I needed to ask. Andrew waited patiently on the  other end for me to gather the nerve to start talking. When I finally  did, my words came out in a rush. "I know this is childish, and I know I  shouldn't be asking you, but I wanted to know if you've heard from  Steven since the party. Like, have you guys had a chance to really talk  about everything? I want to know what I can do to make it up to him. I  want him so badly, Andrew. I love him. You know I do. But I don't know  if there's any way he can forgive me for what I did."


"For what we did," Andrew clarified.


"Sure. What we did. The point is, I can't figure out what's going on in his head."


"Well," Andrew said slowly, "let me be honest with you."


My heart started racing. My palms were cold and sweaty. My mouth was  dry. Was I ready for his honesty? Was I going to be able to handle it? I  assured myself that whatever Andrew said couldn't be worse than the  constant state of not knowing I was currently suffering through. I  needed the truth more than I needed the illusion of it.


"Steven is in love with you, Allie. He knows it. I know it, and  somewhere deep down you know it, too. But he's bad at handling his  feelings. Something else you and I both know all too well. He's-for lack  of a better word-being a total baby about this whole thing. He still  feels betrayed."


"Is that why he won't call me back?" I asked. "Because of the betrayal?"


"Wait, what? He still hasn't called you back?" I could see Andrew's  expression of incredulity like he was sitting right in front of me.


"No," I said. "He hasn't. I haven't heard from him since the night of the party."


"He's such a little twerp," Andrew muttered.


I glanced over at James in his office to make sure he was still on the  phone. He was. His hand was pressed against his forehead, and he was  doubled over like someone had just punched him in the gut. I really  needed to call that author and tell them that they were my idol.


I hunched forward over my desk so that James couldn't see me if he  looked my way. I was also hidden from view from the other employees who  were working at their own desks.


"Do you think he will call eventually?" I asked.


"Sure," Andrew said. "But how long are you really willing to wait for him?"


"For as long as it takes," I said. "I was the one who hurt him. I get  where he's coming from. I lied to him for ten years. You and I hid  something huge. He's having a hard time shaking that off and moving on."


"Allie, give me a break. It's been four months since he found out. Not  to mention, what happened then holds no merit on who we are now. You  have your own life, and so do I. We were never involved after that.  That's what he's worried about. Sure, he's hurt. But he also doesn't  trust us. Which, I might add, he has no place not trusting us." Andrew  finished with a huff. I imagined him leaning back in his chair and  crossing his arms over his chest.


I twirled the phone cord in one finger and sighed. "If the trust is  really the most important part, and it's broken, I don't know how I can  come back from that. How long will he hold this against me?"


"Your guess is as good as mine," Andrew said. "But you and I both know  how stubborn Steven is. He gets it from our mother, undoubtedly. You  remember how they were when they used to fight? Like two pit bulls. I  get chills thinking about it."         

     



 


I smiled involuntarily. "I remember. They would do it at the dinner table when I was over sometimes. So awkward."


"You're telling me," Andrew said. "You got to go home after. I was stuck  inside with the two of them until one of them tuckered out. You know  how often that happened? Never."


I laughed and shook my head. "It was good talking to you, Andrew. Thank  you for helping me put things in perspective. I guess I need to wait  until he comes around. Then, maybe he'll be ready to talk. Maybe we can  finally bury this whole thing."


"That's the spirit, Allie cat. Chin up. Steven's a good guy, and he  cares about you. Things will all work out as they should. And, once he's  forgiven you, make sure to give him a smack upside the head. He  deserves it."


I laughed. "Thank you for everything. It means a lot."


"You're welcome," Andrew said.


We both hung up the phone. I sighed, feeling a bit better about my predicament, and then looked up.


Someone was standing in front of my desk. At first, I thought it might  be James. A little sliver of panic caught in my throat as I prepared to  be yelled at.


But when my eyes swept up to meet the face staring down at me the panic vanished.


Steven was there. He was wearing a navy blue suit with a cream colored  shirt underneath. The top buttons were undone. He had just come from  work, presumably. In his left hand, he held a beautiful bouquet of white  roses. The edges of the petals looked like they had been dipped in  sparkling silver.


The smell of them wafted over to me. I grinned at him, reaching out to  stroke one of the soft petals. "Steven," I said, "these are gorgeous.  You didn't have to-"


"Was that Andrew you were talking to?" Steven asked flatly.


I blinked.


I was just noticing the hardness of his eyes and the tightness in his jaw. He was angry.


"Oh," I said, realizing how bad things must have looked on his end. I  wondered what part of the conversation he had walked in on. Had I been  laughing, or giggling? Had he misconstrued the whole thing? "Yes, it  was, I was calling him to see if he had heard from you. I was getting  worried. I hadn't heard from you since the party." I trailed off.  Nothing I was saying was getting rid of the anger in his eyes. "Steven?"


Steven tossed the flowers down on my desk. One of the petals fell from  its place and landed on top of the phone. Steven turned around, his  shoulders hunched, and made for the door.


"Steven!" I called, racing around the edge of the desk and reaching out  to catch his arm. He yanked himself out of my grip and continued  walking.


I stopped, staring after him as he tore the door open and vanished from view.


My heart felt like it had fallen into my stomach. Everyone in the office  was staring at me. I could see pity in the eyes of most of the women.  They knew what was happening. They knew my heart was broken. The men  seemed more confused than anything else, and they kept glancing at the  door Steven had left through.


Then another door opened behind me.


"Allie Wright," James Lipton called from behind me, "would you join me in my office for a moment?"


I couldn't do this right now. Sitting down with James was too much. I  fought with myself not to cry. I had to keep it together for a little  while longer, and then I could be free to cry until there were no more  tears left.


I turned to James, staring at the floor, and shuffled into his office.  He closed the door behind me and gestured for me to sit in the guest  chair in front of his desk. I did as I was told and sat with my hands  resting in my lap. James sat in his chair and leaned forward on his  desk. I didn't know what was coming. I didn't care.


"Allie, you know you're not allowed to have visitors during work hours.  That rule is in place to avoid situations like this. We don't need our  receptionist making a scene in the middle of the workday. It's a  distraction."


I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded.


"You know I like you, Allie. I don't want to have these conversations  with you. You're one of my favorites. I trust that going forward you  will know better than to entertain male company, or any company for that  matter, at your desk?" James leaned forward and peered up at my face.


He seemed oblivious to my tears. It was either that, or he didn't care. I  hated him more than ever. "I understand," I said through clenched  teeth.


"Very good," James said, straightening up in his chair and shifting his  pencils and papers on his desk into neat rows. "You may go."
         

     



 

I stood up and hurried to the door. When my hand was on the handle,  James spoke my name. I paused, not turning back to him. "You look very  nice today, by the way, Allie," he said.


I opened the door and left, letting it fall closed behind me. After I  returned to my desk, I gathered my things and left the office. I didn't  care what James thought of me leaving an hour early. Or if anyone else  in the place had a problem with it. I needed to get out of there. To  escape all the prying eyes. To be somewhere I was free to let it all  out, to cry, to grieve.


It was over. Steven hated me.





Chapter 27