"Oh, I don't know, Allie. Maybe when you started fucking your best friend?"
We both burst out laughing. It felt good to laugh again, even though it was at my own expense.
Our salads arrived, and we chatted a bit about other things. Melissa ended up talking a bit about her work, which I didn't mind. She needed to rant, and I was more than willing to be her sounding board. After everything she had done for me over the last few months, it was the least I could do. Without her, I knew I wouldn't have come out the other side still employed.
After we had paid our bills, Melissa leaned in close. "Okay, I have fifteen minutes left. Spill the dirty details. I want to know everything. How was he?"
I giggled and rolled my eyes. "He was better than ever. Not to mention, he's somehow even hotter. He's got the beginnings of a beard going on. He looks like a rugged businessman now."
"Shut up," Melissa half-squealed half-whispered.
"Serious," I said. "And he does this new thing with his hair. It's shorter on the sides and slicked back on top. It's so sexy."
"Right, right," Melissa said, rolling her hand in the air between us to encourage me to skip ahead to the good parts. "And in bed?"
So I gave her the details. She listened in electrified silence, her mouth falling open when I revealed the juicy parts. When I was done, she sighed wistfully and poked at her empty plate. "I need a man who will do that to me," she said.
"Well, I'm sure one will come along," I said with a small shrug.
"I don't know. Steven isn't exactly representative of the male population. He's kind of a rare find, you know? Good looking. Successful. Hot as hell. Good in bed. A trustworthy friend. It's not fair to roll all those qualities up in one person."
"No, it's not," I agreed with a nod. "It's kryptonite."
Chapter 19
Steven
Dante's would be crowded and busy within the next couple hours. For now, it was humming with that "before the party starts" energy. People were clustered at tables sipping on martinis while the DJ was readying his line-up for the night. The lights were on but dim, and the steady hum of conversation was heavy in the air.
Chance and I were sitting at the bar in our usual spot. We were sipping on cold beers and snacking on peanuts, and I was deliberating whether I should mention my run in with Allie the previous day.
"So," Chance said, interrupting my thoughts. "What's going on with you, man? You've barely said a word all night."
I twisted a shell to get to the peanuts inside. I popped them in my mouth, washed it down with a mouthful of beer, and shrugged. "I've been thinking, I guess."
"Thinking about what?" Chance pried.
"Whether or not I should tell you that I saw Allie yesterday."
Chance arched an eyebrow and put his beer down. "Oh really? Did you finally get the balls to call her?"
"No," I said. "I saw her at a diner. She was on her lunch break. I sat with her. Then she invited me back to her place for dinner. We talked, and things felt almost the same as they used to. It was good. I told her I forgave her."
"Just dinner and talking then?" Chance asked. He had always been able to see right through me. Before even asking a question, he knew the answer. He just wanted to hear me say it out loud.
"Dinner led to other things," I admitted.
"Right. So you guys fucked again, hey?"
"Yeah," I said, draining the bottom of my beer glass and catching the bartender's eye. I pointed at our beer glasses to order Chance and I another round. When the bartender gave me a thumbs up to acknowledge he understood, I looked back at my friend. "She asked me to spend the night after. I should have seen it coming, but it threw me off a bit. I didn't know what to say. Staying felt like a dumb move."
"So you blew her off?"
"Sort of. I told her it wasn't a good idea, and I left. It was kind of awkward. It surprised her, I think. But she handled it well." I thought of the way Allie had pulled the covers over her naked lower half. "At least, I think she did. I don't know."
"Dude," Chance said, almost scoffing. "Why would she handle that well? She invited you to dinner, and you agreed to come over. Then you talked and got everything out in the open. You forgave her. Then you fucked her."
"Yeah," I said hesitantly, already suspecting the direction Chance was taking the conversation.
"What impression was she supposed to have after that? Of course, she asked you to stay. If I know Allie, which I do, she would have been as bent out of shape as you were the last three months. You were a fucking mess, man. Don't even try to deny it," he added when I opened my mouth to object. "You drank more in three months than you've consumed in your entire life. I would know, I dragged your ass home four nights a week for the first month. Allie would have been just as devastated. And then, all at once, she thinks those ninety days are behind her. When she lets herself be vulnerable, you shut her down again. Man, sometimes you can be so thick-headed."
The bartender passed us two full glasses of beer. I stared down at mine as guilt tickled my gut. "Shit," I said.
"Yeah. Shit," Chance agreed, polishing off his old beer and reaching for his new one. "Listen. You can do what you want to do. If you don't want to go all in with Allie, that's your call. But let's be real for a minute here. You can't be friends and fuck her. It's not going to work. You want more than that, and so does she. And you both deserve more than that. Tonight is the first time in months that you've seemed like your old self. Do you think that's a coincidence?"
"No," I admitted. "But Andrew-"
"Man, forget Andrew. She buried that for a reason. She obviously doesn't want him. She was sixteen for fuck's sake. It was a mistake. You know, a mistake? The thing people make all the time and should be able to put in their rearview mirror? Let her move on. She's a good person. Correction, she's an amazing person. She doesn't need you holding this over her head. Right?"
"Right," I said, meaning it for the first time since I found out about Andrew and Allie.
"Exactly. Steven, you've loved the girl for years. Stop sidelining yourself. Don't lose her again. You might not get another chance." He lifted his glass and nodded down at mine, encouraging me to follow suit. I lifted mine, and we tapped them together. "To putting the last three months behind you and getting your head out of your ass," Chance said.
"Nice toast," I said, a smile tugging my lips.
"You'd better believe it. Now leave the rest of your beer for me and get the hell out of here. You have a girl to sweep off her feet."
A short while later, I was standing in front of Allie's buzzer again. I had a bouquet of white roses in one hand, which, now that I was at her place, I thought might be a bit overkill. But Allie deserved overkill.
I pressed the button and waited. My stomach rolled with nerves. I couldn't help but worry that I would be too late. Maybe me ditching her the night before had sealed the deal. Maybe she was going to move on and leave me behind. After cutting her out of my life for three months, I wouldn't be surprised if she decided to turn the tables and kick me to the curb.
I swallowed.
I waited for five minutes before I concluded that she probably wasn't home. I glanced at my watch. It was nearly ten o'clock. Allie wasn't a party girl. She was usually snuggled in her pink plaid pajamas by this time. The ones that looked so cute on her; the ones with the drawstring in the front that I had always fantasized about untying.
I retreated down the steps and got back into my car. I tossed the roses on the passenger seat and pulled away from the curb, my mind running over the possibilities of where she might be.
I hoped she was at her sister's house. Sometimes they had old-fashioned girl's nights where they would make sangria and watch chick flicks. They were few and far between nowadays, what with Melissa working sixty-hour work weeks, but I tried to convince myself that it was possible.
If she wasn't with Melissa, I hated to think of where she was.
What if she was with another guy? Maybe she had met someone when we weren't talking. What if after I left her last night, she had called him up looking for comfort?
My grip tightened on the steering wheel. I was such an idiot. Everything had felt right for the first time in ages when I was with Allie last night. The conversation, the laughter, the sex-everything. How could I have thrown it away so easily?
I parked my car in my driveway and walked around the other side to grab the roses. I slammed the door closed, frustrated, and walked up the driveway to my front door. I dug into my pocket for my keys, pulled them out, and accidentally dropped them on the pavement.