I left her on the bed while I went to shower. I thought again of her diary entry about me fucking her in the shower. Maybe next time I would bring her in here and tease her with the shower head. I would hold her against the glass walls like she had written, and fuck the life out of her while the shower stall filled with steam.
When I returned to the bedroom, she was asleep again. She was still naked and lying on top of the blankets. I covered her up after staring at her for a minute, kissed her forehead, and made my way into the kitchen to fix us some breakfast.
Allie had always loved the pancakes I made. It was a recipe I had grown up with, and every time I made them, Allie would eat to the point of death. She would complain for hours afterward about how full she was while rubbing her stomach and pushing it out as far as she could. We would then proceed to make pregnancy jokes, which sometimes ended with Allie going a little quiet. I had avoided those jokes the last couple times she ate my pancakes, suspecting it was a sore spot for some reason. I had never gathered the nerve to ask her what it was.
I added the best ingredient, cinnamon, to the pancake batter. As I was pouring it on to the pan, Allie emerged from my bedroom. Her hair was up, and she was dressed in her clothes from the night before. She looked sleepy, but cute as ever as she sat down at the counter.
"Pancakes?" she asked, smiling up at me. "I'm so spoiled."
"You know it. Your favorite."
We were quiet for a while. I flipped the pancakes, and Allie watched me contently.
"Steven," she said abruptly. "You need to give me my diary back."
"Awh, come on, Allie. It's too good. We never would have done any of this had I not read it."
"I want you to stop reading it."
"Why?" I asked, unable to stop myself. I knew it was private for her, but I was sure she had enjoyed the sex as much as I had. I had fulfilled her fantasies. What was the downside to that?
"Because it's not fair. At the moment, the sex is great. But afterward, I feel confused. I know you said no labels, and that this can be just a friends with benefits kind of thing. But Steven, I don't know if I can do that. I need to know. I need to know how you feel about me. Please. I need the truth."
Deep down, I had always known how I felt about Allie Wright. It was a no-brainer. She was the one person on the planet I couldn't live without; she was the only one who knew who I really was.
"I'm in love with you, Allie Wright. I think I always have been," I said, holding her stare. She wanted the truth. There it was. Plain and simple and out in the open.
She blinked. At first, I thought it was because she was so shocked by my answer. Then, as her eyes grew glassy and wet, I realized she was trying not to cry.
"Allie," I said hurriedly, "please, don't cry. It's okay. We don't have to let this ruin anything. Forget I said it."
"Shut up, Steven," she said, tears clinging to her bottom lashes now. "I love you, too." She dabbed at her eyes and sniffed in a not so ladylike fashion. I had for force myself not to laugh at her. She looked so damn cute.
"These are good tears, right?" I asked.
She nodded, still dabbing her eyes. "Yes. Now give me my diary back. You know my deepest darkest secret now. There's nothing else for you to read in there."
"That's your biggest secret? That you love me?"
"Yes," she said, nodding once.
"Alright," I said, pointing at the pancakes. "Make sure these don't burn. I'll get your diary."
I returned to the bedroom and grabbed her diary while mulling over her words. She loved me too. How had I been so oblivious all these years? How long had she felt this way? As long as me?
I brought it back to her, telling myself that if I ever really wanted to read it again, I would be able to find it. She had always been bad at hiding things. In high school, she had written a book of poetry and had been horrified when I found it stashed in a basket on top of her parents' fridge. Being a tall guy, I had spotted it from across the room. I figured it hadn't occurred to her since she was so short.
Back in the kitchen, I handed her the diary.
"Thank you," she said, clutching it to her chest the way a toddler might a teddy bear.
I shrugged and transferred the pancakes to a plate. I set out the maple syrup and butter, and we sat and enjoyed our meal together. Allie's diary never strayed more than a couple feet from her side. Me having it must have really been bothering her. This only made me more curious about what the other entries said.
"Want to spend the day together?" I asked, popping a bite into my mouth.
"I would love to," Allie said, looking up at me apologetically. "But Melissa and I have plans to go shopping together this afternoon. She needs new business clothes for work."
"Business clothes," I said dryly, "that sure sounds fun. Staying here with me would be worth your while, I assure you. We could watch movies all day. I could go get us snacks while you shower. Then, you know, we could take a break every hour or so and just fuck around." I winked.
"Steven, I can't. Melissa needs my help. She has clothing commitment issues."
I arched an eyebrow. "You're going to say no to all of this?" I laughed, gesturing at myself.
"Believe it or not, yes, I am."
"Is this punishment for stealing your diary?"
"If you want to look at it that way, you can," she said.
"Are you upset with me?" I asked, starting to feel a little worried that maybe I had taken things too far.
"No, Steven, don't worry about it. Everything is fine. You gave it back. No harm done. I don't like backing out of plans. You know that about me. Especially with Melissa."
"Alright, alright," I conceded, trying not to let her see how disappointed I was. "Another time then, I guess."
She smiled at me, and the warmth in her eyes chased away some of the worry in my gut. We continued eating our pancakes, and soon, Allie was joking about that state of my disastrous kitchen. Things felt normal, despite the now ever-present sexual tension between us.
Try as I might, I couldn't think of anything besides fucking her again.
Chapter 10
Allie
I had left Steven's house a little after ten in the morning. He had tried to seduce me into staying one last time at his front door by hooking a thumb in the belt loop of my jeans and tugging me against him. It had almost worked. Had he kissed me, I might have still been there, lying with my legs in the air with his cock in me again.
But I wasn't. I was at home brushing my teeth and getting ready to meet Melissa. I had been considering whether or not I was going to tell her about Steven and me hooking up. I decided that I should because she had always been such a good sounding board for me. She gave me the best advice, and I knew this was something that I shouldn't carry around with me without telling someone. I needed to share the burden.
I met Melissa at the mall outside her favorite shop. We wandered through the racks, and she pulled out several pencil skirts, blouses, and blazers and asked me for my opinion. I nodded along with her, not really paying much attention.
"Okay," Melissa said finally, leaning up against one of the sales racks. "What's the deal, Allie? You're acting super weird. Is everything okay?"
"Oh. Yes. Sorry. I'm okay."
"I'm not convinced at all by that answer," Melissa said.
I stepped closer to her and lowered my voice. "I fucked Steven."
"What?" Melissa exclaimed loudly. I shushed her as my cheeks burned. "Oh my God, Allie," Melissa gushed, "are you serious?"
"Yes, we hooked up. In all honesty, we hooked up like five times, but that's beside the point."
"Um, no it's not. You fucked him five times? How was he?" Melissa asked, giggling sheepishly and covering her mouth.
"You have no idea," I said, feeling that stirring desire again below my belly at the thought of the sex. "But it's afterward that things got complicated. I told him to give me my diary back. And at some point in the conversation, I ended up confessing my feelings for him."
"What exactly does that mean? What feelings are we talking about here?"
"I told him I loved him."
"Holy shit, Allie. That's a huge deal! What did he say?" Melissa's eyes were glittering with curiosity.
"He told me he loved me too."
"What?" Melissa clapped her hands together and squealed. "This is huge! What does this mean? Are you guys a couple now?"
"No," I said, shaking my head before she got too excited. "We're just friends. Like always. Just friends. We're going to keep hanging out."
"You're going to keep fucking him, in other words," Melissa said with a not so subtle eye roll.