“Christina”
I whirled towards my friend, faltering awkwardly for words; "Oh, uh, hey, I was just about to call y-“
"Okay, stop." She arched her brow at me and gave me one of her looks. ”Look, I know you've been weird since Tyler left, and I have a gut feeling it's more than just that."
I shuffled my boots, kicking at the fall leaves around our feet. “No, it’s-”
It's that I'm in love with a man I can't have, and I'm embarrassed that I made a fool out of myself with my best friend and now everything will change. Oh, and I'm fucking eighteen years old and pregnant.
I wanted to say all those things to her, but somehow, I couldn't. Well, not all of them; not yet.
"I don't know, I just-” I sighed and finally caved, “Okay, I feel kinda embarrassed and like maybe I crossed a line with, you know - that night.”
Anna gave me her most serious look. "Oh you mean when you let me watch you fuck your hunky older boyfriend with the big dick?"
I blushed scarlet and she giggled. "Ahah! Well, I'm glad to see the slightly prudish, blushing little Christina I love isn't totally gone now that she's got a boyfriend and having sex and all.”
I reddened deeper, still shuffling the toes of my shoes in the leaves. ”Nope, she's still here." I finally dragged my eyes up to my friend, seeing her grinning at me with a smirk on her face.
"So, listen, I'm sorr-"
"Damnit, Chris!” She burst out, rolling her eyes at me and huffing. “I’m the one that got all creeper on you and started spying on you guys. I'm the one that needs to apologize here. Why do you think I finally just cornered you like a stalker?”
“Anna, you don-"
"Will you shut up and let me buy your love back with frozen treats?" She held up the two plastic cups full of icy mocha-colored slush. She was doing her very best to force a fake frown through her grin, and I started to giggle.
"So, we're good? You aren't weirded out that I wanted you to- to-"
Anna sighed, interrupting me. “Yes, dummy; we're always good. Even if you are this new exhibitionist deviant.”
I rolled my eyes, feeling my cheeks burn again.
"Which, I love, by the way," she added quickly with a dramatic sweep of her arms. “Christina Ames, you're my best friend and I love you, and ohmygod, look I even had them put whipped cream on these fucking things, so just forgive me, okay?”
I loved this girl.
*****
Later, back in the dorm room after we'd binged through at least two thirds of a season of old Sex In The City episodes sitting on her bed, she finally shut her laptop and turned to me.
“So, you really like this guy, don't you.”
I chewed my lip and looked at her quietly, before I slowly nodded.
“No, I mean, you really like him.”
I sighed. “Yeah, I really do. Actually I'm totally in-”
I stopped myself as I faltered for the word before dropping it and looking down at my wringing hands. "I don't know, Anna, it's- it's complicated.”
She nodded, rubbing my back with her hand. “So, do you want the sappy 'go get him girl' pep talk or the tough love dose of reality."
I chuckled. “Straight talk; give me the tough love.”
She smiled wryly at me. "Chrissy, he's twice your age, and he’s just went through a divorce like five months ago. I mean, he obviously cares about you, and I could clearly see it was a lot more for him than just the ego boost of fucking a young college girl,” she winked at me. “Believe me, I was looking for it.”
This was a sore subject for Anna, who's parent’s had gone through a pretty messy divorce right at the start of senior year back home.
“Look, I’m just saying…” She took a breath and looked at me, biting her lip. “You wanted the tough love?”
I nodded.
“Where does this go, Chris? Are you going to ‘bring him home to meet the folks’ at Christmas? Dude, he’s friends with your parents.” She chewed her lip as she put an arm over my shoulders. “Look, I’m not trying to be a bitch here, but I’m just worried about what happens to you if this all goes nowhere.”
The tears came then, quietly, and she pulled me into a hug as they started to flow. It really was hopeless. What future did we have? I mean even if he and I were to have a-
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“I need to tell you something."
Chapter 16