Her parents—before they died—used to take her sister and her camping at Saragon Lake next to the Saragon National Forest. During the summer months it had been an every weekend kind of thing. Helina and Lizelle used to play hide and seek in the woods connected to the campground. During their ‘expeditions’, they had come across a small, almost invisible opening at the base of the mountains. It had been big enough for them to pass easily thorough, but of course, they had been small children at the time. They had called it their “secret closet.”
Fresh tears started to pour out of her eyes as she remembered the times she and Lizelle had shared those moments. Helina knew that she would go to the spot that her sister loved so much, where their memories were strongest. She didn’t know if she would be able to find it. It had been years since they had been there, but she knew she had to try.
An hour into her drive she turned off onto a dirt road. Finding it became easy when the sights, sounds, and even smells of the forest penetrated her senses and ignited her memories of the time she used to spend there. As she pulled her car into one of the open spots, she knew she would need to get rid of the SUV so they wouldn’t find any evidence of her. She looked around the empty campgrounds and tried to remember the way she and Lizzie used to go. Grabbing as much as she could, Helina started off the way she thought looked familiar, bags in hand, fear making her move fast. She looked around at the towering trees, her skin prickling at how silent everything around her was.
An hour later, she stood in front of the same boulder she had passed four times already. She dropped her bags on the leaf-covered ground and sat down, feeling defeated. The only sound she could hear was the beating of her own frantic heart. It was as if the earth had opened up and swallowed everything that was living.
She leaned her head against the hard, cold stone and closed her eyes. She felt like screaming to the heavens. She opened her eyes again and stared at what was right in front of her. Nestled in the base of the mountain was their “secret closet.” Bushes and a sapling covered the opening, concealing it to where it was almost invisible. Helina felt a smile break across her face despite everything that had happened. She grabbed her bags and headed to her new home.
She dropped her bags as she pushed the bushes and sapling to the side and eyed the opening. It looked much smaller than she remembered, and she doubted if she could squeeze through. She dropped to her hands and knees and started to move herself into the small space. Her shoulders scraped across the jagged opening and she winced in pain. Finally, after her shoulders burned and her hands and knees were embedded with pebbles, she stood up. It was definitely smaller than she remembered, but it felt secure and safe and that was what she needed.
Walking through another opening and down the slanted earth, Helina smiled at what revealed itself. In front of her was the same bubbling natural spring that had been there so many years ago. The crystal clear water bubbled in its pureness and smelled fresh. She sat down on the naturally smooth rocks, took her shoes off, and dangled her feet in the warm water. It wasn’t the wisest thing for her to do at the time; for all she knew that monster could be waiting for her right outside the entrance. She moved her feet around in slow circles as she thought about a particular memory of Lizelle.
Lizelle had been fifteen, and she had been twelve. It was another weekend of camping and they had just snuck off to their special place. They never got into the water—were actually too afraid their parents would find out. Their mother had been so overprotective of Lizzie that it had been sickening. Now that Helina was an adult she could relate to her mother and why she felt the need to be so protective of her sick firstborn. Of course at the time that was the thing Helina hated most about her.
Helina had tried to talk Lizelle out of it because she knew how mad their mother would be if she ever found out. She remembered clear as day: Lizelle turning toward her with her big hazel eyes, the ever-present dark circles around them.
“Lina, please don’t tell mom. What if I never get the chance to feel this water? What if I die tomorrow without letting its pureness wash the dirt away?”
Helina knew Lizelle hadn’t been talking about the dirt literally, and she hated how negative her sister had become. Lizzie had stripped down to her bra and underwear as she sat on the smooth rocks and watched the churning water. She had stayed in that water for so long that when she came out her fingers and toes had looked like prunes. Even though Helina had tried to talk her out of it, she was glad her sister hadn’t listened. Lizzie had the most beautiful smile on her face, and a glow that surrounded her entire being. That had been the last time they had come to their secret spot, the last time they had gone camping.