She narrows her green eyes at me. “Look, he hasn’t always been like this. He didn’t used to crave blood until you came along.
“Aislin,” Alex warns, helping me slip off my jacket. “Don’t.”
“You know it’s true,” she says. “I can tell that you think it.”
“You can think whatever you want.” I get to my feet as the prickle does a nagging dance on the back of my neck and I fill vindictive. “But I’ve actually talked to him about this long before he even bit me, and he told me the craving is always there.”
She gives me a cold, hard stare. “Well, you forced him to delve into it.”
“You know what, you’re right.” I head around the couch and toward the hallway. “But you’ve also done a lot of shitty things, too, like help everyone make sure my soul is detached. “
It’s a great exit line and I take the opportunity to leave the room. I go to Laylen’s room and find him out on the deck with the blood of the woman still on his hands, shirt, and jeans. His arms are resting on the wood railing as he stares out at the ocean waves rolling up against the sandy shore.
I walk up beside him and put my own arms on the railing. I gaze out at the ocean, waiting for him to speak first because I can sense that it’s one of those moments. He needs to say what’s on his mind first before I can plan what I’m going to say, so it’ll be the right words.
“For the last few years,” he finally starts with his eyes fixed on the ocean, “I’ve felt so empty. After I was turned into a Vampire, Alex and Aislin wouldn’t have anything to do with me—none of the Keepers would. My parents were already gone, so…I was basically all alone.” He turns his head to the side and then meets my gaze. “I pretended it was okay. I shut down and it helped, but all that crap I’ve kept bottled is slipping out and I don’t know what else to do other than feed because that’s what my instincts are telling me to do.”
I place my hand on his arm in a comforting gesture. “Laylen I’m so sorry for making you bite me… I didn’t realize how bad things would get.” I shake my head. “I’m really screwing everything up.”
“No, you’re not,” he says. “I wanted to bite you. It was my fault.”
The prickle emerges and suddenly I know I need to say something important. I turn to face him and he moves with me so we’re facing each other, my neck angled up to actually look at him. The sun shines from behind him and I blink against the brightness.
“I know you want to take responsibility for this,” I say. “But I kind of need to, you know. It’s part of learning and I need to learn because I spent so much time in this dark, subdued, hindering place. It makes it hard to know what’s right and what’s wrong. I need to learn from this and I need you to accept that if I wouldn’t have been there to make you do it, then we wouldn’t be in this place.”
He opens his mouth, but then quickly shuts it when he spots tears forming in my eyes as my guilt becomes too much to keep bottled inside me. He lets out a sad sigh and then wraps his arms around me, tensing just a little before relaxing into me.
“All right, Gemma Lucas,” he says, kissing the top of my head. “You can take the blame for this one, but the next thing we screw up together is all on me.”
“Deal,” I whisper against his chest as hot tears stream down my cheeks. “I’m sure there will be many more. At least on my part.” I listen to his heartbeat. “You’ll be okay, right?”
It takes him a moment to answer. “Honestly, I’m not sure.” He carries doubt, yet I don’t anymore. I’ll make sure to help him, no matter what sacrifices I have to make. I will make up for what I did to him.
We don’t move. We barely breathe as we hold onto each other and stand in the sunlight out on the deck. We stay that way for a long time, just two friends who understand each other. Two people who know what it feels like to have no one. Maybe that is no longer the case, though.
Maybe we have each other.
Chapter 25
“I feel like today is the day,” I tell Alex as we sit down on the bed, cross-legged, facing each other with the Ira positioned between us on the white comforter.
It’s been two days since Laylen’s episode and he seems to be feeling better, for the most part. He’s talking to me again and I even caught him smiling, which has so much beauty in it that it’s almost heart stopping to witness. I in no way think he’s completely gotten over it, however. I know it will take time. A lot of time. But I’ll make sure to be there for him through it.