‘I guess I should get inside.’
‘Before your dad comes out with a shotgun?’
I gave a small giggle at the image.
‘Yes, that’s right. And also Matt will be calling soon from Germany, so…’ My voice trailed away. It was the worst thing I could have said. The warm air between us immediately froze at my words and the bristle that ran through Jimmy was almost palpable.
‘Of course.’ And with those two words, the fledgling thing that had fluttered to life between us was shot down dead.
I asked him to join us for dinner but wasn’t surprised when he declined. He did walk me to the front door though, taking my arm as the path was even then beginning to ice over. But it was the guiding hand of a friend and nothing more. I couldn’t believe a mood could change so instantly and it made me question my own perception of the rest of the afternoon. Had there really been anything new there at all, or had I merely imagined I could feel something more than just an old and treasured friendship?
He took the door key from my fingers and slid it into the lock, but before he rotated it, I placed my hand on his arm to stall him.
‘Are we still all right for tomorrow? Because I can go on my own, you know. No problem.’
His eyes gave nothing away.
‘Of course it’s still OK. Why wouldn’t it be?’
Because I’d gone and ruined the moment by conjuring up between us the one obstacle that had always been in our way. The obstacle that I was now engaged to.
‘No reason. It’s just… Well, it doesn’t seem a great way for you to spend your day off: escorting your newly deranged friend around London.’
He pulled me against him then and enveloped me in a brief hard hug; all friendship – nothing else.
‘Not newly deranged,’ he contradicted and then, clearly unable to resist, ‘You’ve pretty much been this way ever since I’ve known you!’
He released me then, and turned the key in the lock all in one smooth movement. Giving me a gentle nudge he propelled me into the warm hall.
‘And I told you before, I think it’s a really good idea. I’m sure it’s going to help. Now go inside in the warm and I’ll see you in the morning.’
The arguments I thought I’d have to put forward to convince my dad it was a good idea for me to return to London the next day proved to be unnecessary once he knew that Jimmy would be accompanying me. It did make me wonder if he’d have held the same opinion if I had chosen a different travelling companion. Even so, as I waited for Jimmy to collect me the following morning, my father was still clucking around like the proverbial old mother hen.
‘You have got your medication with you?’
I tapped the Gucci bag swung over my shoulder.
‘And you’ll call me if you feel sick or… anything? You have your phone, right, and money and…’
‘Relax, Dad. I’m only going for one night. I’ll be back tomorrow and hopefully I’ll have some answers at long last.’
He still looked doubtful, so I reached up to hug him. ‘Don’t worry about me so much.’ I smelt his aftershave then, and it suddenly reminded me of something. ‘And stop checking up on me all night long. You must be exhausted by morning – I’ve lost count of the number of times you keep coming in.’
Jimmy’s car pulled up outside, and I was bending to pick up the small soft bag I had at my feet, so I missed the initial look of confusion on my father’s face.
‘Rachel, I haven’t been in your room at night to check up on you. Not even once. You must have been dreaming.’
The journey to London confirmed that Jimmy had also reached a decision in the intervening hours between last night and that morning. Back once more was the warm-hearted, teasing, platonic friend I had known all my life – or at least the bit that had led up to my eighteenth year. The man who had held my hand in the coffee shop, while I stumbled through the story of what my life had become since that time, had completely disappeared.
And if I was disappointed at having let that person slip through my fingers, at least I still had my old friend Jimmy back in my life, and compared to a week or so earlier, that was a vast improvement.
‘So where do you want us to head to first? Have you given it any thought?’
I pulled a folded piece of paper from my bag.
‘I guess it makes sense to go here first. The other places are all across on the other side of town.’
The paper fluttered in my hand from a light draught from the open window.
‘I have the address, but I’ve no idea where it is exactly. Dad had to write it down for me.’
Jimmy’s eyes flickered away from the road for an instant and glanced down at the scrap of lined paper.