And just for the moment I couldn’t really focus on the new beginnings, because all I could think of was leaving behind my boyfriend and my two closest friends. Ridiculously, I felt my eyes begin to water, and I hastily looked away, preferring the dazzling glare of the rays of the dwindling sun, than the reaction from around the table if they knew I’d been crying.
‘You OK?’ asked Jimmy softly, leaning forward so only I could hear his words.
Matt was placing the drinks order, so it was safe to quietly reply.
‘Oh, you know, just feeling a little emotional, I guess. Changes coming, saying goodbye to everyone, stuff like that…’ I trailed off, expecting some sort of ridicule, but instead was surprised when his hand reached across the table, encircled my fingers which were fiddling restlessly with the cutlery, and encased them in his grasp.
His grip felt oddly different; not the familiar clasp I had known since nursery school. Perhaps it was just the rough texture of the skin from his summer gardening, or was it more in the way my hand felt so small, tightly encompassed in his own?
I felt, rather than saw, Matt’s slow awareness of Jimmy’s action, but rather than a hurried retreat, Jimmy gave my hand one last squeeze and took his time before withdrawing his own. In an instinctive response, Matt drew his body closer towards mine, reclaiming both my attention and his territory and it was only after a moment or two that I became aware that when taking back his hand, Jimmy had somehow transferred the lucky penny he had picked up outside the restaurant from his hand to mine.
I held the coin tightly in my palm, imbuing the small copper disc with more significance than it perhaps deserved. It was typical of Jimmy to offer to share even the possibility of good fortune with me. We had, after all, shared so much for so many years. He was more like my brother than my friend: in fact, when I thought about it, his whole family were closer to me than many of my own relatives.
Jimmy’s mother and mine had been very good friends long before Jimmy and I were even born, and when my mum had died so suddenly when I was only a toddler, Jimmy’s family had reached out and somehow drawn both Dad and me into their lives and their hearts. I realised with a shock that my dad wasn’t the only family I’d be leaving behind when I went away, it was going to be almost as tough saying goodbye to Jimmy’s parents and his younger brother too.
When the two bottles of wine Matt had ordered were delivered to the table, everyone took a glass to raise a toast.
‘To going away…’
‘To not dropping out…!’
‘To our new lives…’
‘… and old friends…’
The last was echoed by each person around the table, as glasses clinked together, catching a brilliant prism of evening sunlight.
As the others sat joking and bantering light-heartedly, I took a second to look around the table, trying to take a mental snapshot of the moment. I knew we were all destined to make new friends at our various colleges and universities, but just now it was hard to believe that the new bonds we would forge could ever be as strong as those that threaded between the seven of us around the table.
As my eye fell on each individual friend, a memory or emotion would erupt in response. So many, it was almost impossible to separate them, but each recollection was another brick in the wall of our friendship, which I had to believe would remain solid no matter where we all ended up.
When I looked at Sarah, I couldn’t help but repress a smile. In a strange way I already felt jealous of the new friends she would be making on her art course. Crazy, loyal, funny and incredibly caring, Sarah’s friendship was one of my most treasured possessions. Whoever they were, these new friends didn’t know how lucky they were.
And then there was Jimmy. I’d spent so much of the summer stressing over how it would feel to be apart from Matt, that whenever the thought of also saying goodbye to Jimmy had intruded, I’d hastily stuffed it away to the back of my mind. I knew it sounded strange, but the thought of not seeing my old friend on a regular basis was just so huge, so hard to absorb, that I couldn’t even allow myself the time to contemplate it.
I realised with some disappointment that I wasn’t nearly as ready as I should be to let go of any of them.
As we waited for our meals to arrive, I glanced occasionally through the window beside me and up the road to the church. The sun was just beginning its leisurely descent and the sky was bathed in diluted shades of red and gold, turning the usually drab high street into a magical abstract of colours. I noticed there were few pedestrians, but the lines of parked cars flanking both sides of the road meant that the pubs and restaurants were all doing good business that evening. From somewhere in the distance the distinctive wail of a siren could just be heard.