“Yeah, she does.” I nodded and thought of Mila’s best friend and how long she had panged for Cody. I pictured the looks of disappointment and pain on her face every time Cody did something that hurt her. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t be the man she deserves.” I looked into his eyes seriously. “You can be that man.”
“Are you going to be that man for Mila?”
“I don’t know if I can.” I shrugged and closed my eyes. My throat felt constricted and my head felt heavy as I thought about her.
“You’re a fool.” Cody shook his head at me. “You’re going to lose her and you’re going to wake up one of these days and you’re going to wonder what happened.”
“This engagement is complicated.”
“What relationship isn’t complicated?”
“This isn’t a normal relationship.”
“TJ, you’re my best friend. I trust you, man. I trust you with my life. But this is my sister. I know I don’t know what’s going on here. I know that you don’t seem to want to tell me, but I gotta ask you this, what you’re doing here, can you promise me that you’re doing it with good intentions?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “I can promise you that.”
“Okay.” He sighed and I could see him thinking. “God, I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I’m not sure that I really do,” I said under my breath, but he didn’t hear me.
“I know you’re busy, so I’m going to go now,” Cody said. “Maybe I’ll give Sally a call to see how she’s doing.”
“You sure that’s smart?” I asked him.
“Are either of us doing what we think is smart?” he asked me with a raised eyebrow and I just stared at him as he left the office. He was right. I knew without a doubt in my mind that neither of us were doing something smart. I let out a huge sigh as I looked at the paperwork on my desk. My dad had left a contract on my desk that was going to completely change the face of Mila’s parents’ company; something they were vehemently opposed to. However, because Mila had a 51% stake in the company, thanks to Nonno, she could make all final decisions. Which meant that I had that power now, legally, thanks to the papers we’d signed. I jumped up, grabbed the papers, put them in my briefcase and decided to leave the office. I couldn’t do this now. Not while I was in this inner turmoil. Even though I knew eventually I was going to have to go behind Mila’s back, had in fact already gone behind Mila’s back, I just couldn’t do this now. Not when I knew she’d gone crying to Nonno about me. Not when Cody was watching my every move. Everyone was going to be blindsided and there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn’t ready for that move yet. I needed to go and see Mila. I needed to let her know that I was trying my best, and while I knew that would never be enough and wouldn’t be enough to stop the betrayal, it would have to do for now.
***
I called Mila as soon as I got to my car. “Hey, can you get out of work early today?” I sat in the driver’s seat, my keys on the ignition, waiting, before I drove off.
“Not sure, why?” she asked curiously. “Is there another business meeting that you need me to attend?”
“No.” Kinda.
“Oh okay? Any more information would be nice.” She laughed and I smiled in response.
“I thought we could do something. Just the two of us,” I said softly. “Let me apologize for overreacting in the restaurant last week.”
“You don’t have to do that,” she said softly. “We all do things we regret sometimes. I already forgive you.”
“Thank you,” I said, my heart swelling. Mila really was too good for me. “But does that mean that you don’t want to play hooky with me today?”
“What does playing hooky with you mean exactly?” she asked, teasing me, and I felt my loins stirring. She knew me all too well.
“It means we’re going to have some fun.”
“Up on a roof sort of fun?” she whispered.
“Would that be so bad?” My heart thudded.
“No,” she said lightly and my heart soared.
“So play hooky with me?”
“Shouldn’t you be working, TJ?” She giggled. “I know I should be working. Stuff around here isn’t good.” She sighed. “I’m worried.”
“Why?” I asked softly, though I already knew her family business was in trouble.
“My parents are arguing all the time and I know we’ve lost a lot of revenue.” She spoke quietly. “I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I really shouldn’t leave early.”
“We can talk about, it if you want,” I said, my heart going out for her. “And are you really working hard right now or are you goofing off and texting with Sally?”
“We only sent a few texts.” She giggled.
“A few hundred?”
“Something like that,” she admitted. “Okay, fine. Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise,” I said happily. “Meet me at home in thirty minutes.”
“Yes, sir,” she said and I knew she was rolling her eyes at my bossy tone.
“Good girl.” I chuckled and then I hung up before she could reply.
***
“So where are we going?” Mila asked me eagerly as she sat in my front seat and stretched her arms out.
“It’s a surprise. How many times do I have to tell you that?”
“Until you tell me where we’re going.”
“It’s not going to happen,” I said and looked over at her. “How are you feeling?” I said, my voice quieter as I gazed at her, trying to figure out how she was feeling inside. There was so much going on between us and at her work. I knew her happy exterior was just a facade, especially considering what Cody had told me about her visit with Nonno. I knew I was going to have to talk to Nonno. He was bound to have questions. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. Everything was turning out to be so much more complicated than I’d ever thought it was going to be.
“I’m okay.” She shrugged and gave me a small smile. “Why?”
“I know you’re upset with me,” I said honestly. “I know this is a lot more complicated than we both thought it was going to be when we talked about this fake engagement.”
“It’s fine.” Her eyes looked away from mine. “It’s fun, right? I mean, let’s just concentrate on that.”
“This isn’t about fun,” I said seriously. “I hope you understand that, Mila.”
“I do.” She nodded. “Let’s just enjoy the day. We don’t need to have a serious talk.” She looked at me with the sweetest smile I’d ever seen and my heart dropped as I realized just how much she meant to me.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I started and she reached over and grabbed my arm.
“TJ, it’s fine. We’re fine. I spoke to Nonno yesterday and I’m feeling better. We just need to be ourselves and what’s going to happen will happen.”
“What does that mean?” I frowned.
“It just means we can’t force anything.” Her voice sounded wistful. “And, well, I don’t wanna be the person who tries to force something that isn’t there. I don’t want to be that girl.”
“What girl?” My hands gripped the steering wheel.
“It doesn’t matter.” She sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Mila,” I said softly as I headed onto the highway, “we’re going to talk about it.”
“I don’t want to,” she said, almost pouting.
“Mila.” I glanced at her. “Talk to me. Please.”
“Let’s just say, I’ve spent too many years thinking with feelings and emotions and I don’t want to be that person anymore.” She looked out of the window. “I’ve made mistakes in the past. I’ve said things. Done things. And now I look back and think, what was the point? What did it get me?”
“Are you talking about another guy again?” I said, jealousy stirring in the pit of my stomach. “Is there some guy you regret being with?”
“It’s not that.” She sighed again and I knew I was being ridiculous, but I couldn’t stop myself. “I just don’t want to be the girl floating around with her head in the clouds anymore. I don’t want to be the girl who’s dreaming of rainbows and butterflies on a day that’s thunderstorming.”
“What girl do you want to be?”
“I want to be the girl who dances in the rain. I want to be the girl who jumps in puddles. I want to be the girl who can stare at the gray sky and watch the lightning and know it’s okay to appreciate the darkness. I don’t want to be the girl who can only survive in the sunshine. Life’s not all sunshine. I don’t want to pretend that it is anymore.”
“I want your life to be all sunshine,” I said before I could stop myself.
“I know you do.” She nodded. “You care for me. I know that.”
“But?” I said, glancing at her.
“But nothing.” She rubbed the temples on her forehead. “When you live in the clouds, sometimes you just have to come back to earth every once in a while.”