Four Week Fiance 2(13)

Yet, I was still able to forget. I was still able to be with Mila and pretend. Because when I was with Mila, I did forget. All I thought about was how easy and good it felt to be with her. She was so genuine, so sweet, so loving. I froze as I thought about that. She was loving. Too loving. I knew she was falling deeper and deeper for me. She possibly still had a crush on me. Still felt she was in love with me. I liked that, but I didn’t. I didn’t want her to fall in love with me. I didn’t want her to think that I was something that I wasn’t. Falling in love with me would only break her heart a second time. I couldn’t do that to her. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to feel her love. Oh, how her love filled me up. When I was lying in bed late at night, sometimes I would just picture her smile and the look in her eyes as she leaned over to hug me and kiss me and it would make me warm. It would make me feel things that I’d never imagined feeling before. Sometimes those feelings made me feel uncomfortable. If they happened in the day, I banished them. But late at night, when the lights were out and it was quiet, I could pretend it was all a dream world. A dream-world fantasy and I’d let myself enjoy it. I’d let myself just soak it all in. And in those moments, I felt alive, truly alive. It was only in the morning that I’d be angry at myself.

“TJ, are you paying attention to me?” Mila poked me in the arm.

“Sorry, what?” I gave her an awkward look, not having heard a word she’d said. “I was thinking about something.”

“Not about Barbie, I hope,” she said jealously and I tried not to grin.

“Maybe I’ll think about Barbie while you think of your ex-boyfriends.”

“You’re an asshole.” She glared at me.

“Am I?” I asked her and leaned over and kissed her on the lips. “Let’s not talk about Barbie anymore. She’s tiresome.”

“So does that mean she’s banished from our lives forever?” Mila asked eagerly, her eyes wide and a huge smile on her face.

“Yeah,” I said softly, not wanting to lie, but not knowing what to say.

“So Cody is no longer seeing her?”

“Cody is no longer seeing her.” I nodded. That was true. Cody had no interest in her other than from that night. Though we hadn’t really spoken about it. We hadn’t spoken about much since my fake engagement to Mila. Not that he knew it was fake. He was pissed at me for having kept our “relationship” a secret for so long. I didn’t know what to tell him. I couldn’t tell him the truth either. And that added to my hurt. We’d been best friends for so long and I felt that I was ruining everything with my actions.

“At least Cody grew some brains. It’s a pity it happened before he became a douchebag.”

“I think he did Sally a favor,” I said, sticking up for him. “At least she knows now that he likes to get around.”

“I don’t think that makes her feel better.” Mila rolled her eyes. “Men change when they’re in love.”

“So you think Cody would have stopped sleeping around if he was in love with Sally?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “That’s what love is all about.”

“Okay.” I tried to hide a grin.

“What? It’s true. When people are in true love, they don’t mess around.”

“Uhm, okay. True love, huh?” I nodded.

“Whatever.” She looked pissed. “I mean, it’s not like you’re going to mess around on me, right?” Her eyes searched mine.

“Well, we’re not in true love, so technically I can, right?” I responded without thinking and I saw her face drop. I immediately regretted my choice of words, but then realized that perhaps they were the best words I could have uttered. I mean, I had to disabuse Mila of the idea that this was ever going to be some picture-perfect love story. That wasn’t how our story was going to go down.

“Yeah, we’re not in love.” Mila shrugged, her voice void of emotion as she looked back up at me with a disinterested expression. “We can do whatever we want.”

“Well, no, we can’t.” I frowned. “As per the contract, we both will remain faithful for the duration of the engagement.” I pursed my lips. “We don’t want anyone on the board to have any inkling that this isn’t a love match, and if you’re flirting around with a bunch of other men, it’s going to be hard to convince them of that fact.”

“Yeah, ’cause I’m the person that’s going to be flirting around.” She stepped back. “Excuse me, I need to go to the restroom.”

“Okay.” I nodded. “Do you need anything?”

“Nope,” she said as she walked away and I’m pretty sure I heard her mumbling under her breath something like, “I need you to not be an insensitive asshole.” I didn’t ask her to speak up, though. She was entitled to her thoughts and feelings. In fact, this is what I wanted. I wanted her to enjoy having fun with me, but I didn’t want her to fall in love with me. We both needed to remember what this was about. This was for fun and excitement. This was for me to fulfill my obligation and duties for the promise I’d made. I sighed as I realized that I’d made a deal with the devil and I wondered if I was going to burn in hell for the rest of my life. As I stood there, feeling uneasy, I knew that that would be a light punishment for the game I was playing. A very light punishment indeed.





Chapter Five

TJ


Two Years Ago



“I want a relationship.” Heidi’s whine was irritating my ears and I tried not to frown at her. “I want to be your girlfriend.”

“I told you I’m not looking for a girlfriend,” I said matter-of-factly and checked my watch to make sure that I hadn’t missed the beginning of the game.

“TJ Walker, did you just check your watch?” Heidi pouted. “Do you have somewhere to be that’s more important than this conversation?”

“Honestly?” I asked her, wondering if she realized just how honest I was.

“Yes,” she said, her eyes looking into mine in a surprised expression.

“Okay, well, I told Cody I’d watch the game with him tonight and kickoff is in twenty minutes, so I kinda have to leave soon.”

“But you just got here an hour ago.” She looked incredulous. “What was this? A booty call?”

“I’d have to be getting some booty for that.” I winked at her, but she didn’t laugh.

“All you want me for is sex,” she said slowly as if that was just dawning on her. I wasn’t sure why she was so surprised. I wasn’t sure why any girl was surprised when they realized I didn’t want a relationship. I never told them anything different.

“I like you, Heidi,” I said, giving her a weak smile. “I’m just not in a position to be in a relationship right now.”

“What position is that, TJ?” She growled, starting to sound angry. “The position of being an adult? The last time I checked, you were one.”

“I don’t want a relationship,” I said honestly. “And if I did, it wouldn’t be with you.” I shook my head to myself as the words came out. They were true, but I knew they were hurtful.

“You’re a dirty rotten bastard.” She glared at me and her eyes looked glossy. That was the first time a woman had called me that and to be quite honest, I agreed with her. I stared back at her and wondered if I could make it out of her apartment before she started crying. I really didn’t want to have to waste time comforting her.

“I really liked you, TJ,” she said plaintively, reaching forward and grabbing my hands. “I can help you. You can tell me anything, TJ. I can help you get through your issues.”

“I don’t have any issues.” I sighed and pulled my hands back. I was starting to feel irritated. Heidi really didn’t get it. If she wanted me to stay, there was basically only one thing she could do right now and that was to pull my zipper down and take me into her mouth, and even then I’d be resistant to staying, now that I knew she wanted a relationship and was in the “pleading for it” stage. There was nothing worse than a normally confident and attractive woman begging me for a relationship, when she knew I didn’t want that. I wasn’t sure what it was about women that made them think that they could sleep with a man enough times to make them commit. Didn’t they realize that a man wanted more than some ass to commit to someone? So many times, I wanted to tell these women that just because they let me fuck them up the ass or in some back alleyway, that wasn’t making me respect them. And the attempts to pull out my cock and suck me under the table at restaurants were too numerous to count. I wasn’t sure what manual women read that made them believe that sex was a way to a man’s heart. But it needed to be updated.

“So you’re just going to leave?” She pouted at me. “That’s it?” Tears started to roll down her cheeks and I sighed. I really didn’t have time for this. “You’re just going to leave me like this?” She pursed her lips and I felt her hands reach down to my zipper. “I want you to stay, TJ.” She slipped her fingers inside my boxers and I felt her slightly cold and trembling fingers on my shaft.