Xairn shook his head. “Kindred ships don’t work like that. There is no ‘key’ to start the ship.”
“Then give me a piece of the engine. Something small I can hold onto but you can’t get away without it. Like a sparkplug or something.” Lauren held out her hand insistently. “I mean it, Xairn. Now.”
He gave her a long look, then shrugged and lifted the hood of the engine compartment. After rummaging around for a moment, he produced a small silver ring and wiped it on his shirt. “Here.” He held it out to her. “The O-ring from the hydrogen scoop mechanism. The ship will be unable to start without it.”
“Perfect.” Lauren took the ring from him and examined it in the light from the sodium arc lamp overhead. It was very small and surprisingly elegant for an engine part. After a moment’s deliberation, she slid it onto her left ring finger where it fit perfectly. “There.” She looked up at Xairn. “That’s not exactly how I imagined it when I pictured getting a ring from the man I love, but oh well. The important thing is you’re not going anywhere.”
“I don’t think this is a wise idea, Lauren,” he protested as they walked back into the condo. “I think I should go before—”
She held up a hand. “Please don’t start that again. Come on.” She led him across the room and pushed him down to site on the side of the bed. Then she stood in front of him, hands on her hips.
He looked up at her, his eyes filled with dejection, his big shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry, Lauren,” he said in a low voice. “Sorry that I don’t know how to give you what you need without losing control.”
“Oh, baby…” Lauren shook her head and sat down beside him. “You know what the problem is?” she said, rubbing his back soothingly. “You’re not a monster and you’re not a beast—you just have trouble telling the difference between sexual and non-sexual touching.”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean there’s a difference between giving someone a hug and wanting to fuck their brains out,” Lauren said bluntly. She sighed. “I can see why this is a problem for you—you had a really dysfunctional childhood to say the least. But I think with a little work we can move past it.”
“I don’t know.” Xairn shook his head. “And I don’t know understand how there can be different kinds of touching. All I know is that I don’t want to touch anyone but you. And when I do touch you, or you touch me, it makes me feel…” He made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat.
“Feel like what?” Lauren encouraged. It was good they were talking about this, getting it out in the open.
“Feel like I want to…to do what I told you earlier.” He looked down at his hands. “Like I want to take you—bond you to me forever.”
“You’re talking about bonding sex? Where your, uh, both your…” Lauren cleared her throat. “Both your pieces of equipment are engaged?”
“Yes.” He looked up at her. “It would tie us together forever—form an unbreakable bond that could never be severed.”
“And you don’t want that with me?” Lauren tried not to feel hurt. “I mean, I know it’s really early in our relationship to be talking about a permanent commitment but I love you, Xairn. The idea of being with you forever doesn’t scare me.”
“It should.” He shook his head. “You have no idea how savage bonding sex with a Scourge can be. You’re a human female and you’re not built to withstand it—I won’t do that to you, Lauren.”
“So what are you saying?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “That we can never be together that way? Never make love?”
“It’s not making love.” His voice dropped to a growl. “It’s fucking rape. I won’t do it to you—I can’t.”
“Xairn…”
“In fact, I think it would be best if we curtailed our sexual activity for the time being.” He looked at her earnestly. “Just to be safe.”
Lauren repressed a sigh. “Okay, honey, I understand that you want to take it slow. How about this—only nonsexual touching for awhile.”
“I don’t think we should touch at all. Every time I touch you feels sexual to me,” Xairn protested.
“Right,” said Lauren firmly. “And if you don’t get used to it—desensitized to it—it always will. You need to be able to hold my hand or kiss my cheek without getting a hard-on. So look…” She stood up and placed herself in front of him again. “Here and here are off limits,” she said, pointing to her breasts and the area between her legs. “Okay?”