Found(77)

Worth it, he told himself, cleaning up and refastening his flight pants. If it keeps me from taking her, from forcing her, then the pain is worth it a thousand times.

Taking a deep breath, he glanced at himself in the mirror. His eyes were normal—well, what was normal after having his DNA altered, anyway. They seemed to be a very peculiar shade of bluish green but Lauren thought them quite beautiful, which was all that mattered to him. It did bother him that they’d gotten so hot while he was touching her—which was when Lauren had said they’d gone back to their original color, too. Slk had warned him that his Scourge DNA might resurface under circumstances of extreme emotional duress. Was that what was happening?

It must not happen, Xairn told himself almost desperately. He sensed that whatever tenuous control he had over his sexual urges was linked to the human DNA he had gotten from Lauren. If he reverted back to his Scourge form completely, he would lose the small edge that allowed him to hold himself back, that kept him from hurting her. Even with the human DNA he was having a difficult time restraining himself. Without it, he would have no chance at all.

He looked at his eyes more closely. They went back to normal after my tension was released, he thought, frowning at his reflection. Perhaps his eyes flickering back to their old color was just a side effect of doing anything sexual. Maybe he had nothing to fear. Xairn hoped so, anyway.

There was one other thing that bothered him, though—he’d been able to hear her thoughts several times as he touched her. That wasn’t right or normal. Though he had wished for it many times, he and Lauren had no mental connection like the Kindred had with their brides because they weren’t bonded. The only other person he knew who could read minds and pluck thoughts from the brains of others was his father—the AllFather.

No, Xairn told himself firmly. No, I’m not like him. I don’t have his abilities or his perversions. I refuse to believe it. I want nothing to do with him, ever again.

It was time to face Lauren and try to explain why he’d run from her. Pushing his father out of his mind and squaring his shoulders, he turned the doorknob and went back into the bedroom.





* * * * *


Lauren heard the bathroom door open and the light shut off but she didn’t turn around to look at him. She didn’t want him to see the disappointment and hurt in her eyes. Didn’t want him to know how painful it had been to lie there on the bed, abandoned, while he took care of himself rather than making love to her.

She lay on top of the covers but she’d put back on her t-shirt and panties, not because she was cold but because she felt exposed without them. It was one thing to let Xairn see her naked while they were being intimate but she still wasn’t comfortable enough in her skin to run around in her birthday suit 24-7. Even back on the Fathership when she’d had no choice about her nudity she had always tried to cover herself, at least until Xairn gave her his cloak.

She’d turned off the lights and she didn’t offer to turn them back on as he made his way to the bed. There was enough illumination coming from the long, high window that ran the entire length of the condo’s west wall for Xairn to see where he was going.

The bed creaked as he sat down beside her. Lauren shifted but didn’t turn over. “You okay?” she asked, trying to keep her voice neutral.

“Fine.” Xairn cleared his throat. “Much better now that…much better.”

“You mean you’re better since you took care of yourself?” Lauren rolled over to face him and propped a hand under her head.

“Well…” Xairn cleared his throat. “Yes,” he said at last. “That is what I mean.”

“You didn’t have to do that, you know.” Lauren touched him lightly on the arm and he twitched, as though he was trying not to pull away. It hurt her feelings but she made an effort not to show it. “I would have helped you at the very least,” she said softly. “I mean, even if you didn’t want to…to make love—”

“I didn’t want your help,” he said stiffly.

“I see.” Lauren withdrew, feeling like he’d slapped her. “Sorry for offering.”

“No, I didn’t mean it that way. I just…” Xairn ran a hand through his hair in obvious frustration. “I was afraid. I had to leave because—”

“Because you didn’t want to hurt me,” she said flatly. “I know. You’re so sure I’m going to break the minute you touch me you have to bolt out of the room as soon as things get a little intense.” She knew she wasn’t exactly being fair but she felt hurt—rejected.