Found(24)

“Nothing really. I just…” Kat grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her chest. “I’m just not a big fan of…that kind of sex. That’s all.”

“You know the bonding fruit will help you stretch to accommodate us, don’t you?” Lock asked.

“She knows.” Deep frowned. “But I’m guessing our Kat’s objection goes deeper than that.”

Kat sighed. “I guess I might as well tell you or you’ll never leave me alone.”

“I think you need to tell us,” Deep said, his voice unexpectedly gentle. “So no, we won’t leave you alone until you do.”

“Fine.” She squeezed the pillow harder and looked down at the bed. “It’s not a big deal really. Just that I let…let a guy try that once, back there, and it really hurt.”

“And?” Deep’s voice said he knew there was more to it than that.

Damn him. Kat flashed him an unfriendly look and he stared back, one black eyebrow raised. “And he was really into the moment and he didn’t…” She swallowed hard, not wanting to remember. “He didn’t stop when I asked him to. It just…wasn’t a very good experience, okay?”

“He hurt you?” Lock’s voice was raw—filled with the pain Kat didn’t want to express.

“Yes,” she said tightly. “And ever since then I’m not…I don’t really want to go there. Or let anyone else go there, if you know what I mean.”

“We know,” Deep murmured.

“I don’t understand,” Lock said, shaking his head. “I thought…during our joining to find Sophia, when you let us all the way into your memories…I don’t see how you could have concealed such a source of pain, my lady.”

“She was able to conceal it from us because she’s been concealing it from herself,” Deep rumbled. “Isn’t that right, Kat?”

Kat gave a short nod. “It’s not a happy memory, okay?”

“Of course not.” Lock stroked her shoulder soothingly.

“Perhaps you’d feel better if the bastard who hurt you was brought to justice,” Deep growled.

Kat sighed. “No, I wouldn’t. He wasn’t a bad guy—it was just that we were both kind of drunk. He apologized afterwards.” Not that I could ever stand to date him again. Not after that, she thought with a shiver, remembering the painful experience of being pinned to the bed and invaded.

She’d cried and begged but Devon had never seemed to hear her. Or if he had, he hadn’t wanted to stop. Afterwards, seeing her swollen eyes and tear-streaked cheeks, he appeared to feel terrible about what he’d done. But Kat could never really trust him after that. They broke up a few days later and she’d never seen him again. And tried never to think of him. Until tonight…

We would never hurt you that way, she heard Lock send through their mental link.

Never, Deep echoed. He slid an arm around her shoulders. Come here. If you have to cry, Lock and I want to hold you.

She sniffed and realized that hot tears were rolling down her cheeks. Four muscular arms surrounded her and drew her down on the bed. Kat knew she was safe, sheltered by their love for her. It flowed over and around her, comforting, soothing, whispering that she was cared for, needed, loved. Telling her that she would never be hurt in such a way again.

For a long time Kat let herself drift. Cradled between Deep and Lock she closed her eyes and tried to let go of the past. What Devon had done was painful and humiliating but it was over. It was time to let it go.

Finally she felt strong enough to speak. I’m sorry, she whispered at last, through their link. I didn’t realize until now how much it upset me. I spent so many years trying to forget.

Of course you did—anyone would try to forget a memory so painful, Lock assured her.

Well, maybe forgetting isn’t the answer. Sniffing, Kat wiped her eyes and sat up. “Maybe it’s time I got over it.”

“And how do you propose to do that?” Deep asked, as he and Lock sat up as well.

“By…by trying it again.” Kat took a deep breath. “By letting the two of you make love to me there…that way. The way you want to.”

“We don’t want to do anything that will hurt you, my lady,” Lock protested, stroking her hair.

“Lock’s right. We’re perfectly happy to make love to you in our regular way for the rest of our lives,” Deep said.

Kat lifted her chin. “But that won’t help us find Lauren, will it?”

“Kat, look at me.” Deep tilted her chin so that they were eye to eye. His coal black eyes were burning. “If we do this,” he murmured, “It should be for you—not anyone else. We can try and find Lauren if you want, but the main focus should be on healing your wounds.”