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“If you’re making a reference to my relationship with Lauren, the truth is she would be better off without me,” Xairn said. “I’m leaving to avoid causing her pain—both emotional and physical.”

“Physical? You really think you can’t trust yourself with the woman you love?” Deep demanded.

“You said it yourself when we met—Scourge are depraved. We’re sexual beasts—natural dominants. So no, I can’t trust myself.” Xairn fitted his hand to the side of the ship and watched as the smart metal melted around his palm and the hatch opened. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.”

“What if I told you there was a way for you to have bonding sex with your female without hurting her?”

Deep’s words stopped him dead in his tracks. He turned to face the other male. “What are you talking about?”

“I said, there’s a way you can bond her to you without hurting her. Kat has already talked to her about it.”

Xairn frowned. “You have such a thing?”

“Think about it,” Deep said. “We Twin Kindred always share a female and we’re all much better endowed than any human male our females might have been with before. If we didn’t have a way to have bonding sex without causing injury, our branch of the Kindred would have died off long before.”

For a long moment Xairn considered it. Then he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. My issue isn’t just about hurting her—it’s the shame and humiliation that go along being dominated. I don’t…don’t want to subject her to the kinds of degradations my Scourge instincts urge me to perform.”

“Maybe you should ask her how she feels about being submissive before you decide it’s not what she wants,” Deep said. “Some females enjoy sexual role playing—many Kindred brides included. We even have a Law of Conduct which allows each Kindred male to ‘punish’ his bride for infractions.” He smiled. “I promise you, it leads to some interesting scenarios.”

Xairn shook his head. “You truly do not understand. What my nature urges me to do is not role playing or any kind of scenario. It’s a constant, never ending state of sexual domination. And I wouldn’t dominate Lauren for ‘fun,’ I’d do it because I couldn’t help myself. Even if…even if she didn’t want me to.” He sighed. “No, it’s better just to leave.” He turned to swing into the cockpit but once again Deep’s voice stopped him.

“Without even saying goodbye?”

Xairn turned back again. “I said my goodbyes to her the night I left to confront my father.”

“But not your final goodbyes.” Deep frowned. “I’d stake my life you swore you would come back to her. Well, didn’t you?”

Xairn shifted uncomfortably. “That was…before. Before I reverted to my true nature.”

Deep raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you really going to stand there and tell me that you don’t think you can trust yourself enough to at least say goodbye in person? Because I don’t believe that, Xairn. You’re no ravening beast, no matter what you may believe about yourself.” He put a hand on Xairn’s shoulder. “At least see her once more and tell her why you must go. You owe her that much.”

Xairn had been ready to shake off the Kindred’s hand and leave but now he felt his shoulder’s slump as Deep’s words hit home. “You are right,” he said heavily. “Lauren and I have been through a lot together. I do owe it to her to say goodbye in person.”

“Go then…Brother.” Deep stepped back and nodded. “The Goddess go with you and grant you wisdom.”

“Thank you.” Xairn sighed and climbed into the ship. He saw Deep still watching him as the cockpit sealed itself behind him. It should be evening on Earth right now—he could make a quick side trip to see Lauren at her home and then plot a course for a far distant star—one where she would never find him.

Gods Lauren, he thought as he guided the small silver ship out of the docking bay and into the blackness of space. I love you so much. I wish things could be different.

But he knew in his heart that nothing could change his nature and nothing could keep him from acting on his natural impulses. He had to leave her, even though it felt like he was leaving his heart behind on her small blue planet instead.

For the last time, he turned his ship toward the Earth. It was time to say goodbye.





Chapter Thirty-nine





Lauren was sitting at home, absently stroking Little One when she got a strong feeling that someone wanted to talk to her. “Hello?” she said out loud, looking around and feeling kind of creeped out. “Is anybody there?”