Mother, he thought, turning his face toward her face, finally peaceful in death. I’m sorry. I couldn’t save you but at least I avenged you. And whatever it was that made me like him is gone. The power, the greed, is gone…
Then the world was eaten by darkness and he knew no more.
Chapter Thirty-seven
He woke in a dim room with someone bending over him. “What…who are you?” he mumbled, trying to make his eyes focus.
“Relax Xairn. It’s me, Sylvan—I’m a healer.”
“Am I sick? Where am I?” He sat up in bed and the room spun around him. With a groan he sank back down onto the pillows.
“Take it easy.” Sylvan sounded worried. “You had many wounds—you lost a lot of blood. I want to give you a transfusion but I’m still running tests to make sure our blood is compatible with yours.”
“Nothing about me is compatible with anyone.” Xairn started to put a hand to his head…and stopped. “Turn up the lights.”
“What?” Sylvan frowned.
“Turn up the lights, damn it! I need to see something.”
“Very well.” Looking up, Sylvan addressed the ceiling. “Lights high.”
Xairn blinked in the sudden brilliance and examined his hand with its pearlescent grey skin. Grey? But it was tan—the human DNA I got from Lauren changed it. How can it possible by grey again? How—?
Suddenly, in a rush of images, everything came back to him. The corridor filled with vat grown soldiers, the high steps leading to the throne, the cage covered in black cloth, the grinning face of his father, the sorrowful, beautiful face of his mother before she aged and died right before his eyes. And the cryo-knife, plunged to the hilt in the AllFather’s chest.
Gone. They’re both gone. I killed them both.
“Your mother’s death was not your fault,” Sylvan murmured and Xairn realized he’d spoken his desolate thoughts aloud. “And your father richly deserved what you gave him.”
Xairn shook his head. “I took her from the cage. If I’d left her in—”
“She still would have died,” Sylvan interrupted him. “The stasis holder can’t last forever. Once a subject is taken from such a long stasis, death is inevitable. There was nothing you could have done to save her, Xairn. I’m sorry.”
“I longed for her all my life and I got to see her for such a short time.” Xairn looked down at his hands. “I do not regret what I did to my father but I will never stop mourning for her. For my mother.”
“I know.” Sylvan put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “At a time like this, it’s best to try and share the pain with someone who cares for you. Lauren is waiting to see you—she just came up from Earth. She’s outside the door right now.”
“No!” Xairn sat bolt upright. “No, I won’t see her. Don’t let her in.”
“Really?” Sylvan looked perplexed. “But, Brother, she loves you.”
“I am not your brother and it doesn’t matter how Lauren feels about me. I won’t see her.” Xairn looked down at the hateful grey hue of his skin. “Send her away.” He wished he could use the power he’d had so briefly to force the other male to do as he asked. But he knew without even trying that it was gone—it had been pulled from him during his father’s death. His Scourge instincts and desires, however, still remained intact.
“Be reasonable,” Sylvan said softly. “She cares for you deeply and I know you care for her. At least speak to her.”
“You’re right.” Xairn looked up at him. “I do care for her. I love her—which is why I must never see her again.”
Sylvan frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Look at me.” Xairn held out his hands. “I am as I was before. The human DNA I had grafted to my own has been broken and replaced by my original Scourge genetic makeup.”
“Lauren won’t care about your appearance,” Sylvan said, shaking his head. “Such things are of no importance where love is concerned.”
“It is because I love her that I cannot see her.” Xairn sighed painfully. “It’s not just the way I look—it’s the way I feel. The way I’ll act if I’m not careful.” He looked at the other male. “You know what Scourge sexual practices are, do you not? The dominance and cruelty that is bred into our very genes?”
Sylvan looked troubled. “I do but I thought you must have found a way to circumvent those traits.”
“I did.” Xairn ran a hand through his hair. “It was the human DNA—that was what allowed me to control myself. Now that it’s gone I cannot trust myself around Lauren anymore. I can’t…can’t trust myself not to harm her.” He looked at his hands. “Surely you can understand.”