“Yes, it is.” Suddenly he stopped, with his shaft only halfway inside her. “This animal—this beast is me, Lauren. The real me.” The cruel hand released her and suddenly he pulled out, leaving her feeling empty inside.
“What?” Lauren turned to face him but he was already tucking himself away and fastening his jeans. When he looked up from his task, his face was a mask of misery.
“I tried to tell you. Tried to warn you.” He pressed a hand to his eyes briefly and spoke in a low, choked voice. “I am Scourge, Lauren. It doesn’t matter how human I look, I’ll never be anything else. And I’ll never be able to love you without hurting you.”
“Xairn honey, wait,” she protested but he was already gone, rushing out of the shop before she could say another word.
Chapter Twenty-seven
The AllFather let out a hissing curse and pounded his clenched fist on the arm of his throne. So close! Xairn had been so close to taking the little human female. He’d been scanning the emotional vibrations coming from the area that she called home—the place he was certain Xairn had taken her—and he had felt it clearly. The build-up of rage and lust, the desire to possess which was the hallmark of a Scourge male coming into his own. If only Xairn had followed though his mind would be open now, able to receive the AllFather’s messages. The images he wanted to send.
“But he cannot ssstop himself forever.” The AllFather spoke aloud. Standing, he swept back the hood of his shadowy cloak to reveal his burning eyes and the grinning skull of his face. “He mussst take her sssoon. And when he doesss, I ssshall be ready.”
He already had the trap prepared—the bait he planned to use would bring Xairn running back to him without delay. As soon as he took the little human fully, his mind would be vulnerable to attack and the AllFather would not hesitate to press his advantage.
In the mean time, he might as well cast a little more doubt and satiate his hunger at the same time.
“Alpha,” he called to the huge guard at his right. “Prepare the beam. It isss time to harvessst another.”
Chapter Twenty-eight
Xairn wandered the streets for hours, hating himself. Gods, what was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he love Lauren normally, treat her gently the way she deserved? Why was it that he turned into a monster the moment his sexual urges overtook him?
Because you’re Scourge. And you’re never going to be anything else, anything better. You’re never going to be the male she deserves, whispered the voice of self-hatred in his head. It was true and he knew it.
I should leave, he thought for the hundredth time. Leave her while I still can. Tonight was too close, I almost lost control.
Only the human DNA grafted to his own had saved him—it had allowed him to stop before it was too late. That and Lauren’s thoughts. Xairn knew they had no mental link, knew he shouldn’t have been able to hear what she was thinking. But it had happened again, just as it had the first time they were intimate. Her thoughts came to him clearly, almost as though she was speaking them aloud. And what she had been thinking nearly broke his heart.
She couldn’t believe that I would take her that way. That I would hurt her. She saw me as an animal—as a beast. But even as I was about to force myself inside her she still wanted to believe that I was good, that I wouldn’t do such a thing.
Xairn stopped for a moment, leaning his head against the side of a brick building. What was happening to him? Why was he able to hear Lauren’s thoughts? And why had he been able to command the stupid male who had been her assistant with his words? Only one other being that he knew of could do such things—the AllFather.
No, I am not like him! I refuse to become like him! But if the way he had treated Lauren was any indication, it was already too late—he was becoming like his father. More like him every day. His Scourge impulses were growing stronger—the human DNA he’d gotten from Lauren was holding him back but just barely. And its influence over him couldn’t last forever. Which was all the more reason to get away from Lauren before it was too late.
Xairn shook his head. What had happened today had been too close—he’d almost gone too far. It was time to admit that this was a mistake, that his attempt to love her and have a relationship with her was futile. It was time to ask for the O-ring back, get into the little Kindred ship and leave, never to return.
Just the thought of that, of never seeing her again, made him feel like a cruel fist was squeezing his heart. But if there was no other way to stop himself from hurting her—from forcing her—then it was what he had to do.