Did he ever come here to remember? Did he still mourn the loss of my touch?
As much as I loved Ryan, a part of me would always love August. Two vastly different lives and yet I would have been happy in either. How could one heart love two completely different souls?
The gravel crunched behind me, and I turned to see approaching headlights. I wasn't the only one who knew of this spot. In a city of millions, it was impossible to have a place of your own, but this car I recognized. This intruder I'd requested.
The lights dimmed and the car door creaked open. I stepped forward and met him halfway.
"It's been a long time," Brick said, a warm smile creasing his aged face.
"It has," I said. "Too long." I closed the gap, wrapping my arms around him in a long embrace, holding back the tears that threatened to make an appearance.
"It's okay," he soothed. "I won't tell."
A strangled laugh fell from my mouth as the floodgates opened up and moisture gushed from my eyelids.
"I'm happy now," I managed to say through the sobs. "But why does it still hurt?"
He pulled back, his kind eyes finding mine. "It will always hurt. It never stopped the first time. You just had anger to replace the pain."
"I want to be angry at him. It would be so much easier if I hated him," I confessed.
"I know. Me too."
"He's shut you out, too?" I asked, curiosity piquing as I turned to him in the darkness.
"For the most part. Every time I call or visit, he's busy or has an excuse. He's changed and not for the better."
"It's Trent. He's like a parasite. The moment he came into our lives, everything changed. And now he's back, and our August is gone for good."
"August chose his path," Brick said, rubbing my shoulders to ward off the chill in the air. "Now, all you can do is chose yours. The pain will lessen with each day and soon it will feel more like a distant memory instead of a sharp burning ache in your gut. Live your life, Everly. Let him live his."
"You won't tell him about this, will you?" I asked as we both turned toward the bridge. I wrapped my hands protectively around my chest as the breeze whipped around us, making me very aware of the late hour.
"He'd have to return my calls to even make that a possibility … but no," he answered. "What is said between you and me is confidential."
"So, should I expect a bill in the mail?" I joked, nudging his shoulder. He chuckled. It sounded like the gravel had when he'd parked his car next to mine, deep and ragged.
"No. You know I only make house calls for my non-clients. This was strictly one friend visiting another."
"Good," I answered. "Because I'm pretty sure my therapist is strongly against house visits." I looked around, and laughed. "Or bridge visits," I corrected.
"That wouldn't surprise me in the least," he answered, a slight smile tugging at his lip. His arm curved around my shoulder as we made our way back to our vehicles. He stopped short, taking my hand in front of the driver's side door.
"The next phone call I get from you will be a happy one," he said with confidence.
"How can you be so sure?" I asked.
He squeezed my hand and smiled. "Because you are a survivor, Everly. You've been surviving one bad break or another ever since you were little. You will survive August Kincaid as well."
I nodded, knowing he was right. Knowing I'd already taken the first steps. That agonizing pain in my gut that had doubled me over for weeks no longer ruled my life. Slowly, it had reduced itself to a dull throb that flared up from time to time.
And during those flare-ups, I would mourn.
Mourn a life I would never have.
Mourn a man I had lost-not once, but twice.
And then I would move on again and celebrate the new life that had just begun.
Because life was once again full of possibilities. And Brick was right. I was a survivor.
And nothing could take that away from me.
"If you bring another feather dress in here, I will kill you!" I hollered over the dressing room door.
"Hey, you brought me. That was your first mistake!" Sarah yelled back as the attendant began helping me out of another monstrosity of a dress.
It felt like déjà vu: Sarah handing me horrible dresses in a never-ending store of white.
I could have avoided the entire episode. I had a perfectly good dress in the back of my closet at home, but somehow it felt tainted now.
Ruined.
After reuniting with Ryan, and after months of getting to know each other once again, he'd got down on one knee and proposed once again.
And I'd happily said yes.
This time, we were going to make it down that aisle and when we did, I was going to give my whole heart to the man who'd believed in me … even when I couldn't. Ryan truly was the best of us. He saw love in an unconditional, never ending way. Somehow he knew by letting me go, I'd eventually find my way back to him.
And now I was determined to find the perfect dress to say my "I do's" in. But Sarah was making it almost impossible, as usual. Deciding to try several stores rather than just one, Sarah had dragged me all over the city today, finally stopping at a shop I recognized from my drive to work. As I stepped out of the latest disaster of a dress, adding it to the huge pile of discards, I began to feel discouraged. Taking a seat in the corner while the attendant made ready the next dress, something much simpler she'd picked out based on my specifications, not Sarah's, I awkwardly waited in my white underwear and strapless bra, trying to do my best not to seem awkward at all.
Which was proving difficult … because who isn't awkward in a bra and underwear?
Underwear models, I guess.
But definitely not normal people. Normal people with flaws and blemishes that showed like neon flashing signs under the bright lights of the three-sided mirror that adorned the large bridal dressing room. I may have been just skinny but I felt like a bean pole sitting there, as my eyes critically picked out each scar I'd managed to pick because I'd never had a parent around to tell me otherwise, every boney rib poking out because I'd always been the last one to receive dinner, and the scared little bird who still sat in her cage on my shoulder because she was too frightened to take the first leap.
I think it's time for the bird to fly, Everly.
Easy for him to say. He didn't bother hanging around to see if I made it off that first rickety branch. Or whether I was still peeking out of the cage door, waiting for the right opportunity to take that first step.
He'd once promised he would never hurt me ever again.
Nothing but a bunch of empty, useless words.
"Okay, ready to try another?" the bridal attendant asked cheerfully, clearing the moody cobwebs from my mind.
"Yes," I answered brightly, bouncing up from my chair as I stepped up to the dress.
No dark thoughts, Everly, I chided myself.
"This is very elegant, but understated. I know you said you were wary about lace, but I saw this and it had the shape you like. I thought you might like it."
As the fabric fell around me and I got that first look, I had one of those silly moments everyone speaks about. Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to keep my emotions at bay.
"So, this is a yes?" the attendant asked with a sliver of a laugh.
All I could do was nod as I stared at my reflection, waiting for her to finish lacing the back. The gown gave me curves where I had none, cleavage where there was little, and accentuated my small waist, making it appear feminine rather than boyish. I felt beautiful and glamorous and about a dozen other adjectives in between.
"Do you want to go show your friend?" she asked, moving back to allow me access to the door.
"Yes, please," I answered, taking one careful step at a time behind her as she guided me toward the larger mirrors at the front of the store.
"Oh. My. God!" Sarah shrieked the moment she saw me enter. "If you don't buy that dress, I will beat you over the head with it and force it on you the day of your wedding."
"That's so sweet," I crooned. I rolled my eyes and took a hesitant step up onto the pedestal. The lovely attendant held out a hand and helped me the rest of the way as I took center stage.
"I know this may sound a little self-absorbed, but I think I might just marry myself dressed in this gown."
Sarah chuckled, rising from her chair to stand next to me. She looked small and short as I towered above her on the carpeted pedestal, and the realization made us both instantly laugh. Turning to her, I took her hands in mine and pulled her up to stand shoulder to shoulder with me.
"Now we just need to find your dress," I said.
"I think we need to spend a bit more time staring at this one," she pressed, holding my fingers up high in the air in an attempt to awkwardly twirl me around. We laughed and giggled as we tried to mimic a horrible rendition of a waltz.