My hands were shaking as I grabbed a condom from the nearby table.
No more games.
The next time she screamed out my name, it would be with me inside her.
Her eyes never left me as she watched me slowly unroll the condom over my shaft. Whatever feelings of guilt or remorse she may have been feeling earlier, she'd put them aside for now and was solely focused on me. Only me.
That look made me feel like I could take on the entire world.
It gave me a glimpse of the man I wanted to be.
I bent back down and felt shivers race up my spine at the feeling of our warm bodies rejoining. We were like two halves of puzzle interlocking seamlessly. She was my other half-I just needed to convince her of that. And every second she was here in my arms, I'd fight like hell to prove it to her.
Her gaze never left mine as I moved, and I felt the trust she gave with every powerful jolt of my hips. I felt humbled, honored and weighted by the enormous responsibility of it all. How my former self had neglected such a precious treasure, I'd never understand. But now that I had a second chance, I'd give everything to right my wrongs.
Even if I didn't remember them.
"I know you're scared," I breathed, lavishing her neck with long, smoldering kisses. "But I can't ignore how right this feels when we're together."
She answered by arching her back, as her fingers dug into mine, pulling me closer, deeper. Our lips met in a frenzy-tongues mating as our bodies crested over the edge of delirium. Sweat dripped from our skin as I worshiped her, bringing her to the peak of ecstasy. She writhed and moaned, wrapping her legs tightly around my waist. Running my hand down her leg, I pushed on her thigh, freeing it from its viselike grip around my waist, edging it closer to her chest.
"Oh God!" she cried as I deepened the angle of each thrust.
"Let go," I said, kissing her lips once again until I felt her body tighten around me. "That's it," I whispered.
"August!" she screamed, wave after wave of release sweeping over her beautiful body. I couldn't stop myself from claiming her lips again, needing to taste her as she came apart. Feeling my own climax was imminent, I never slowed the pace of our lovemaking, prolonging her orgasm in spades. She gripped my shoulders and moaned between kisses as I came.
I swear I saw fucking stars.
I'm sure my former self had had more sexual encounters that he could count, but for me-practically newborn, barely alive a few months, I could count them on one hand-the waitress and Everly.
Neither of those encounters had ever brought me to my knees like this. Collapsing next to her, I was sure I'd never move another muscle in my life.
She'd destroyed me.
I only hoped it was permanent, because I never wanted to go back.
"So is this what you do with your spare time then?" Everly asked as I set the sparsely filled tray down on the bed before her.
Laughing, I answered, "Well, besides photography, watching shitty movies, and taking you to bed, yeah I guess," I answered with a shrug.
"It's just … " She looked curiously at the different types of food. "So weird."
I chuckled and nodded. "I know, but okay … hear me out." She gave me a look that said she was just humoring me as I held out my hands in defense. "Just one minute."
"Okay." A slight grin tugged at the corner of her lip.
"You go to an ice cream shop and look at the various types of sundaes. Each have several different ingredients and based on that, you make your selection, right?" Biting her lip to keep from laughing, she nodded. I ignored her, shaking my head, and continued with my explanation.
"Over your life, you've tried everything on that menu-maybe individually or with something else, but you've made a conscious decision whether you like it. Me? I'm starting from scratch. Looking at a menu like that? I truly don't have a clue if I like caramel or cherries or even whipped cream."
"So, you've decided to do it this way?" she asked, motioning to the tray again.
"Okay, I know … it's weird. But I'm a guy. We're simple creatures. One thing at a time seemed like a good idea when I started and I just haven't been able to graduate to anything else," I admitted. I looked down at my pathetic excuse for a meal, which consisted of plain eggs, sliced cheese, and coffee.
"So," she smirked, "when you discovered you liked eggs and cheese, you never had the idea to … I don't know, combine them?"
"That requires cooking."
"Oh my god," she said, shaking her head. "You're pathetic-like a toddler."
"Yes. Yes I am. You came just in time to save me."
Her hand paused midway as she reached for a piece of cheese. "What am I going to tell Ryan?" she asked, her face falling as the realization of own situation hit her. Laughing over eggs and cheese had suddenly become a serious matter as she came face to face with real life again.
"Why do you need to tell him anything? He left you," I reminded her gently, grabbing a piece of cheese for myself.
"It's not that simple," she answered. "I'll have to go back there. I have to find a place to live."
"Live here," I said, the words leaving my mouth as quickly as my heart leapt at the idea of having her forever.
Her eyes met mine, as fear and doubt seemed to swipe away her features.
"You're even crazier than I thought," she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Yes, I am. When I'm around you, I feel crazy, delirious, and for the first time since I woke up, I feel truly alive. What I feel for you doesn't make any sense, Everly. None of this does, but if we're going to do this-then let's do it. If there's anything I've learned about life in this little do-over I've been given, it's that there's no time for half-assing your way through things."
Her eyes filled with worry as she busily bit down on her bottom lip, obviously contemplating my words.
Feverishly shaking her head back and forth, she said, "I can't depend on someone. Not again. I can't be that person."
"But I don't want you to be anywhere else."
"So charge me," she suggested. "Make me pay rent."
My eyes widened in shock. "Now you're the one out of your mind! Why would I do that? I am the last person on earth who needs more money, Everly."
"And I am the last person on earth who needs to be dependent on another man. Please, August. Let me do this. I should have never moved in with Ryan, and let him handle the majority of the rent. It gave him power-power he never used, but still it puts me at a disadvantage. I can't ask him to leave and now I'm left without a home. I can't jump from feeling powerless with one man to doing the same with another. Especially-"
I held up my hand to stop her. "I get it," I said, taking her hand in mine. "I don't like the idea of you giving me money, but I understand the need for it. Do what you need to do, as long as it ends with you here every day."
"As long as you agree to me taking over the cooking again," she smiled.
My heart skipped a beat just seeing her smile. It was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. "Deal. But I have one caveat of my own."
"Okay," she said, her eyebrow peaking in interest as she picked at the mostly cold eggs. "I want a fresh start. No more comparing me to the man I was. I understand you can't forget, and I don't want that. I just want the opportunity for you to know me and who I am now. I want you to fall in love with the August that exists today."
"I want that, too," she whispered, pushing the tray away to crawl into my lap. "We'll go out later," she breathed into my ear.
"Good idea," I agreed.
And we did.
Much, much later.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Everly
I needed clothes.
And a toothbrush and well … everything else that wasn't currently lying in the bottom of my purse-so basically everything but a tube of Chapstick and a stick of gum.
I really wish in August's effort to move on, he'd at least kept a few things of mine. A single shirt. A pair of pants, maybe? In my attempt to move on, I'd left everything from our life here, walking away with very little to call my own. In that moment, I'd never expected to miss any of it.
I'd been camped out here at August's place for nearly two days, and even though I was enjoying lounging around in his t-shirts and sweats, carrying around the smell of him everywhere I went, I was starting to feel like a bum and desperately wanted some things of my own.
Like a razor.
And deodorant that didn't smell like a dude.
Also, I had to work tomorrow. So wearing the rugged August apparel needed to come to an end quickly.
I had two options. I could deplete my savings account and go out and buy an entirely new wardrobe, shampoo, and every other thing a girl needed, or I could muster up the courage and go back to Ryan's apartment and pack up my things.