She was already retreating, her emotions … her physical reactions all crumbling, breaking apart until she was rushing toward the door.
"I'm so sorry for bothering you, August-for ruining your night. It won't happen again."
"Everly-damn it. Wait."
I grabbed her hand, halting her progress. She looked down at our joined hands, her eyes wide with shock.
"Stop running," I urged.
"I'm not running. I'm going home, where I belong. I want to go home."
I shook my head, a disheartening chuckle escaping my throat. "Go home then. But don't tell me a part of you doesn't want to stay. Don't tell me that deep down, a part of you wishes you were still here every morning making coffee in that kitchen and helping me develop film in the office. For a split second tonight, you saw it, didn't you? What life could be like between us?"
Her eyes darkened and suddenly, she twisted her hand from mine.
"No," she answered. "There is only one man I see in my future. And his name isn't August Kincaid."
And then she was gone.
And I was alone once again.
Slamming the door closed, I stomped into the living room and paced, attempting to clear my head.
Why? Why did I do this to myself?
Nothing would ever change.
She was not mine.
Picking up the phone, I did the only thing possible to ease the pain in my heart and the anger I felt toward my own stupidity.
"Hello?" Magnolia answered after the second ring.
"Hey, it's August," I replied, trying to act as casual as possible.
"Didn't expect to hear from you again tonight."
"Hey-I'm sorry to cancel. A friend had an emergency. It's all taken care of. I was wondering how many dates I could possibly fit into one evening if we started … now?" I asked, my voice lowering with each word.
Silence followed before I heard, "be here in twenty minutes." And then the line went dead.
Everly had left her empty mug on the coffee table, I turned and headed for the front door.
She'd made her intentions clear.
It was time I made mine.
Chapter Twenty-One
Everly
If I were a religious person, I would call what I did over the next several days repenting.
Since I wasn't, I'd just go with calling it reveling in guilt. I felt it in spades.
Guilt over driving to the cliffs when I was angry with Ryan.
Guilt because I'd stayed … because of the things I'd said, things I'd done.
Guilt, guilt, guilt.
I hated the word.
Ryan still hadn't asked where I'd gone after the failed intervention. Part of me thought he already knew, and the other enjoyed the quiet bliss of not knowing. Somehow, in the midst of all this, I'd become that heroine I despised-the one that always made me flip through pages of a book or roll my eyes in a movie because she just couldn't get her shit together.
I'd become someone I couldn't stand.
So now I would make amends.
Starting with the wedding plans I'd ignored over the last several weeks. There was so much to do and with the rift currently brewing between Sarah and me, the only person left to handle them was me.
As I looked through dozens of florist and cake brochures, I suddenly missed my best friend incredibly. We were supposed to do this together. Well, actually, she was supposed to pick out everything I liked while I sat here fooling around, making origami swans out of the dozen brochures she'd painfully gathered.
She loved this type of thing-me, not so much. It was why August and I had never hosted parties at the house and why I much preferred to spend an evening snuggled under blankets, rather than in a noisy club. I'd spent years living in other people's homes and never having one of my own. For a child-having a place to call their own is one of the most precious things on earth. And I'd never had that until August and I moved into that tiny one bedroom home on that beautiful, crowded street in the city. That was the first time I'd ever had a place to call my own. No roommates, no foster parents-just August, me, and our cute little home.
The walls might have changed, but that feeling still remained. I loved the feeling of coming home.
And even though Ryan and I were back to renting rather than owning a place, I'd still made it ours as much as possible. And being there would always beat a night out at a fancy club. But our wedding would be different and that was something I had to realize. It wasn't going to be a dinner party or fancy soiree. It was going to be our wedding day-and that deserved attention.
So why couldn't I focus?
I'd been diligent in my other groveling duties. I'd cleaned the house from top to bottom after my morning work shift, made a killer dinner each night he'd returned home from work, and yet when it came to planning the most important day of our life …
I couldn't string two minutes together.
Chocolate or vanilla … roses or lilies? It all seemed maddening.
"Ev, I think we need to talk." Ryan's voice broke through the silence as he stepped into the kitchen. I looked up and saw him awkwardly standing before me with his hands in his pockets, staring down at the brochures scattered on the table. He visibly winced and turned away.
"Sure, what's up?" I asked, gathering everything up in an effort to make room for him at the table, but he just turned and began to pace, lacing his hands behind the back of his head.
"I should have known. You shouldn't have to badger and practically beg a woman to date you," he said under his breath.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, suddenly concerned.
"Do you remember how long it took for you to say yes to me? Do you recall how many coffee orders I placed … how many cheesy one-liners and mentions about good hygiene and my impeccable driving record it took before you took a chance on us?"
"Why are you bringing this up?"
"It shouldn't be this hard," he answered. "Love shouldn't require thought or force. It simply is, and as easy as it is for me to feel that for you-I don't know if you feel it back."
My heart hammered in my chest as I jumped to my feet.
"Are you crazy, Ryan? I love you-only you. I agreed to marry you!" I said, holding my left hand out as proof.
"Where did you go, Ev? The other night? When we fought-where did you go?"
Silence poured into the room.
An agonized laugh fell from his lips. "See, the sad thing is I already knew. The moment you left here, I knew where you'd end up-who you'd turn to. It's like he's your true north on a compass. Up until a few months ago, I thought I might be."
"You are," I cried as tears began free-falling from my cheeks.
"No, Everly. I'm not. I filled the void for a while. But your heart was already taken. I don't get it … it's something I'll never understand, especially after everything he did to you. But even after all that, you never gave up on him. And now you need to give that a second chance."
"What are you saying?" I cried out, and wrapped my arms around myself like a protective vise. He finally stopped pacing and turned to me.
"I'm taking the high road-and giving you an out to discover what your heart really wants. Him or me."
I took a step forward but froze when I saw him back away.
"I don't want an out!" I screamed. "I want you!"
"No, you don't," he said softly. "You don't know what you want and until you do-I won't be your second choice."
His eyes met mine and I saw loss and pain, and then finality as he gave a single nod and headed for the door. Panic rose inside of me and I ran after him.
"Please Ryan, don't. Don't do this."
"I'm only doing what you're too afraid to do yourself," he said, stopping just short of the door. He turned to face me, unshed tears visible in his blue eyes.
"I love you-and this is my way of showing you," he whispered. He caressed my cheek and disappeared like a ghost out the door, leaving me alone with nothing but the silence and my tears to soothe me.
This time when my car pulled up that brick driveway, I knew exactly where I was. And why I was there.
Not wasting a second, I killed the engine and stepped away from the car, intent on my purpose. I had words-plenty of them-and I was ready to unleash them on my enemy.
Because that's what August was. My own version of Public Enemy Number One.
He opened the door almost immediately after I began pounding on it. His happy, surprised expression faded just as quickly as the words began rushing from my lips.
"You've ruined my life. Again!" I screamed, pointing my finger deep into his chest. His surprise gave way to confusion as he let me stumble my way over the threshold.
"I don't understand, Everly. What's going on?"
I grunted out a laugh. "You. You are what's going on. Ever since you woke up, my life has been in turmoil. It wasn't enough that you treated me poorly for years-no, now you have to ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me."
His hands went up in a defensive position as he slowly backed into the living room. My finger was still pressed deep into his chest and the way he looked down at it made me feel like I was pointing a loaded weapon at his heart.