“And then you pissed me off so bad with your insane accusation that the reason I was going to come to your place completely left my brain.”
“Why were you coming to see me?” he asks quietly.
I can’t tell him this!
“I guess there’s nothing left to say.” I turn to walk away, but he stops me, his hand on my arm.
“Oh, there’s plenty to say.”
“You thought I was unfaithful to you!” I round on him, furious. “You jumped to conclusions without talking to me!”
“I’ve tried to call you,” he replies, his voice hard and cold. “You never answered. I had to go to Italy. I had a family emergency.”
“You left without me! I thought you’d just left because the going got rough! That I didn’t mean enough for you to fight for me. Just like everyone else in my life.”
“Alecia, no.” He shakes his head in disbelief.
“I think it’s obvious that this isn’t going to work.” I school my features and swallow hard, determined to get through this without letting him see me cry. “You obviously don’t trust me, and what I need, you can’t give me.”
“Just tell me what you want! Tell me how you fucking feel!”
“I fell in love with you!” I yell back angrily. “I was so in love with you my heart ached. And then I find out that just like everyone else in my life, you rank me last on your priority list!”
“This is bullshit!” he exclaims. “You are my priority. You’re my only priority, damn it!”
He takes my shoulders in his hands and holds me in front of him. “I was coming to you to take you with me.”
“I was coming to you to tell you I love you,” I reply before I can stop the words, and feel my eyes fill with tears. “And when I got there, I was told you’d left for Italy. And you didn’t even call me to tell me your were leaving.”
“Oh, baby, no.” He pulls me against him, and hugs me tightly, in the special way he does. “I’m so sorry for this. For all of it. We’ve been hurting for weeks for no reason.”
“I didn’t fuck Blake,” I say, the anger surging through me again as I push away from him. “I would never do that. How could you think that?”
“It looked really bad,” he replies with a sigh. “And I’ve lived that before.”
“The ex.” I cover my mouth with my hand.
“After my mother died, I was engaged to a woman, and I walked in on her having an affair with my cousin the night before our wedding.”
“Oh, my God,” I whisper and glance away, covering my mouth with my hand, but then I get pissed again. “And you immediately assumed that I’d do the same?”
“I was worried about Gianna back in Italy. I was excited to see you and whisk you away on a romantic trip to my home, and when I walked unannounced into your condo, I felt like I was reliving that scene in Italy all over again.”
“But nothing happened,” I insist. “Nor would it ever happen. Blake is in love with Emily.”
He simply nods, his eyes sad, mouth grim.
“It’s been a shitty few weeks,” he says quietly.
I simply nod. “One good thing came of it, though.”
“What’s that?”
“I went home too. To San Francisco. I confronted my parents and Jonathan.”
His eyes warm. “What happened?”
I lean against the couch again and cross my arms, wanting to touch him. Aching for him to hold me again.
“My parents are my parents. They don’t get it, and honestly, I don’t know if they ever will, but I told them how they made me feel and I felt really proud of myself when I left.”
“You should be proud of yourself. You’re so fucking strong. And Jonathan?”
“That was a surprise.” I frown. “He apologized to me.”
“Really.”
“He was actually…sweet. And it felt good to put some closure on it.”
He nods and smiles softly. “I’m so happy for you, Alecia.”
“So, what now?” I ask, waiting for him to make a move.
“Well, I can’t unlove you, cara. Trust me. I’ve tried. The past few weeks have been a hell that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.”
“You love me?” I ask with a whisper. Finally, finally, he reaches for me, crushes me to him and holds on tight.
“Loving you is like breathing, Alecia. Being apart from you, thinking that I’d never hold you like this again, was agony. I love you so much, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t say it before.”
“I’m so afraid that you’ll hurt me,” I whisper against his chest. “I know it sounds stupid, but I can’t help it.”