He nods, and the silence extends, which isn't unusual with Darren. He weighs his words before he uses them. "You also need to consider that all this time watching is giving you a different perspective on the team. When you're back on the ice, you're going to know what to expect and how to plan for it. Randy's not going to usurp you because he's had one good season."
He's right, but it still sucks. I run a frustrated hand through my hair. Soon I'll be able to make one of those man bun things like Ballistic if I don't get it cut.
At my silence, he continues. "Just take it slow, Alex. You don't want to push too hard too fast and end up setting yourself back."
"I just want to be with my team."
He pats my shoulder. "I know, man, and you will. It's just not gonna happen as fast as you'd like."
Everything he says is true, but it doesn't make me feel better.
I prepare myself for the back pats I know are coming when I join the team in the training room. It doesn't matter that I've been at it for a while now; every training session is hard. Especially since I'm unable to keep up with the rest of the team.
Miller drops down beside me on the bench while I do forearm curls with weights Violet could probably use.
"How's it goin'?"
"All right." My prior hockey injuries have been minor compared to this, with rehab being limited to weeks, not months before I was back in the game.
"This isn't easy, huh?" He gestures to the weight I'm holding.
"It'll get easier." I change the subject to avoid discussing how long recovery is going to take and what I'm going to miss out on because of it. I'm lucky this isn't ending my career, I remind myself. "How's my sister doing this morning?" I haven't had a chance to check in with her today, though that's become a habit.
"Good. Great." He moves to the edge of the bench and gets into position for triceps dips. "The morning sickness phase has finally passed. I don't know why they call it that. I mean, the barfing isn't limited to the morning. It was, like, all day, every day for a while. Anyway, she's not hurling anymore, so I'm glad about that. Apparently Skye barfed every day with Vi, so it could be worse, right?"
This really isn't a conversation I ever expected to have with Miller. At least not this soon. "I'm glad that part is over."
"She's feeling great these days. Lots of energy. Horny as he-" He cringes. "Sorry."
"Violet says a lot worse."
He nods. "Dude, I heard all about the kitchen incident."
"What? She told you about that?" I need to talk to her about what she shares with Miller. There has to be a limit.
"She was talking with the girls when she was over the other day. I was unfortunate enough to overhear. I guess it's good you're keeping her happy, right?"
"Uh, yeah. I try my best. It's a lot easier now that I have the use of both arms again."
We both blow out a breath. This is a very Violet-overshare kind of conversation.
"Anyway. So, uh, the wedding stuff is going okay? Vi seems a lot calmer these days."
This is a much better topic. Safer. We're less likely to want to punch each other over it. "Yeah. She hasn't broken out in hives recently. I just need to get my mom off my back about the guest list, and we'll be fine."
Miller rubs the back of his neck again. "Yeah. Sunny's kinda worried she's gonna pull the same shit when we get married."
I'm pretty sure my eyebrows almost shoot off my forehead. I shouldn't be surprised. This was bound to happen. "Is that happening soon?"
"I'mma propose to her soon. I just need to find the right ring. I've already talked to your dad. We considered maybe getting married before the baby comes, but she's starting to show, and, well, I don't care about that, but I think maybe she does. Anyway, I'm cool with whatever she wants, before or after. Either way. If you ask me, I think she doesn't want to steal your thunder."
"That sounds like Sunny."
"Yeah. She knows you've been waiting for this for a while."
I hate to admit it, but I'd really like to get married before my sister. I know it's not a competition, but I want to be first for this. Which sounds assholey. Because it kind of is. But Violet was right. I've spent most of my life being the center of attention, so I shouldn't be put out that Sunny is going to be a mom before I get to be a dad. I figured I'd go first and be able to guide her through like I always do. But this time she's first, so I won't have any advice to give. I don't know what I'll say.
"Alex?" Miller asks.
"Huh?" I've zoned out. I need to stop being so self-centered. The world doesn't actually revolve around me.
"So you'll stand in the wedding party? I mean, it's gonna be a small thing-I think, anyway. Close friends and family probably, the same as what Violet wants.
"Yeah, of course," I say absently, then finally clue in to what he's said. "Wait, you want me to stand in the wedding party?"
"Well, yeah. You're Vi's fiancé-husband by then. And of course Sunny's gonna ask Vi, but if she's not cool with it, that's fine. Vi's got some wedding hang-ups, as I'm sure you're aware."
"That's great. I mean, not the hang-ups part, but about Sunny asking Violet. I'm sure she'll want to be part of things."
"Maybe. We'll see." Miller doesn't look quite so convinced.
"Was it really that bad?" I hate to have to ask, but I have a feeling Violet's given me the abridged version of the events.
Miller regards me dubiously. "You mean she still hasn't told you?"
"She's told me. But I think I have the watered-down version."
"For fuck's sake." Miller shakes his head. "What did she say?"
"That she ruined the cake and messed up her speech, and that there was an issue with her dress. But she was a teenager, so I can't imagine it was that bad. Maybe if I have the full story, I can explain better to my mom why Violet doesn't want the entire world at our wedding."
"Maybe if she saw my dad and Skye's wedding video she'd get it." Miller snorts.
"There's a video?" I drop my weight on the mat with a low thud.
Miller pauses in the middle of a dip. "Fuck. You didn't know about the video?"
"Violet never said anything about video."
Miller sits back down beside me. "That's probably because she doesn't want you to see. We had the whole wardrobe malfunction bit edited out, but I have an original copy. It's pretty fucking epic."
"Epic how?"
"Like, she'd probably win that home video show if we submitted it. Which I would never do," he tacks on at the end.
"Does Violet have a copy?"
"Maybe? If she does I'm sure it's locked away somewhere."
"Can I see the one you have?"
Miller chews on the inside of his cheek. "I probably shouldn't. Vi'll be super pissed at me if she finds out."
"I won't tell her."
He rubs his head a few times and heaves a heavy sigh. "Come to the condo after we're done here."
"Thanks, man."
Normally I wouldn't go behind Vi's back on something like this, but if it helps get my mom to calm the fuck down, I guess I can do it this once.
Miller stands. "I gotta do suicides. I'll see you in a bit."
I spend the next hour with my physical therapist, working on strengthening the muscles around my healing shoulder.
I hit the hot tub afterward and then the sauna before I shower.
Back outside, I toss my bag in Darren's trunk and drop into the passenger seat. "We gotta stop at Miller's before we go home."
"Everything okay?" Darren asks.
"Yeah. He's got a copy of Sidney and Skye's wedding video."
"Marriage is a complicated beast," Darren says.
"Seems that way. Violet's who I want, though, so I need to figure out how to make this easier for her."
"Yeah. You two are good for each other. Sometimes people get tied to the wrong person, and then they can't figure out how to get free again."
"Is that why you and Charlene aren't getting more serious?"
I know they see each other a lot, but Darren keeps most people at a distance. I've met his parents once in all the time I've known him. Icy is a good way to describe them.
"My parents have been married for thirty years, and they hate each other. They have bedrooms on different floors of the house. I don't see the point in changing things when it's working fine. Plus, Charlene has her own stuff, so we're good the way we are."
He pulls up to Miller's condo building and lets the valet park the car. Neither of us says anything more about it. The guy at the front desk buzzes us in, and we take the elevator to Miller's.