Lily grabs her phone, but I snatch it from her before she can do something stupid, like call Randy and get pissed.
"It was a video of his frank and beans." I cringe, because my wiener reference could be mistaken for insensitivity. "Sorry, I don't mean that the way it sounds."
Lily waves me off, apparently relieved that Buck didn't get a shot of her beaver. Her titanium, magic beaver.
"I'm sure Miller has seen Randy's junk plenty of times. As long as it's not my parts he got to see, I think we're good," she says.
"Before I moved to Chicago, Miller and I used to have Skype sex. And we still do when he's at away games, obviously," Sunny says and sighs. "I'm not sure I'll feel like doing that when I'm busting out a baby belly, though."
"You never know. Maybe he'll be one of those guys who's all about pregnancy porn. I can definitely see Buck getting into that." I'm trying to be supportive, not sound like a creep, but based on the looks from the women who work at the spa, I'm unsuccessful.
"I just mean he's down with you being pregnant," I add to clarify.
"He's actually really excited. And now that I'm only a few weeks from graduation, I am, too." Sunny gives her non-existent belly an affectionate pat.
"You're going to be the most amazing mom, Sunny." Lily's smile is one-hundred-percent genuine.
"You really are," I agree. I've seen her with her dogs. It has to translate. This might've been a surprise, but she's rolling with it. I have to say, I'm kind of envious of how easily she manages life-altering changes.
Not to mention, Buck seems to have embraced impending daddyhood now that the shock has worn off. I think he was mostly apprehensive about the family reaction.
Skye can't wait to be a grammy, and Sidney, well, I think he's relieved Buck's in an actual committed relationship.
Robbie didn't threaten to murder Buck for knocking Sunny up-that's Alex's role apparently. And even that didn't last long. Daisy's been hinting that maybe Alex and I want to jump on the baby bandwagon so Sunny and I can deal with the little barnacles of bliss together.
Alex, who has already expressed his desire to produce a hockey team's worth of offspring, doesn't seem to have any problem putting a bun in my oven now that he's past the whole anger and rage phase-which was a lot shorter than I expected it to be, with a twenty-four-hour residual irritation hangover.
While I'm excited for Sunny and Buck, I'm not on the same page as Alex when it comes to creating spawn. I'm not even reading a book in the same damn series.
No babies. Yet. First we get married and have lots of married sex.
I scratch my arm and immediately check for stress hives, which usually only appear during wedding-related discussions. They start in the same place every time: about two inches below a small mole on my right wrist. If I catch it fast enough, I can stop them from spreading up my arm and covering my chest. If I don't, I'll be covered head to toe within an hour or so. Thankfully they've been infrequent these last few weeks. I'm attributing it to the amount of yoga I've been doing to get all Zen.
I root around in my purse for my antihistamines, to ward off a potential problem. The hives upset Alex because he thinks they mean I have reservations about the wedding, which I don't. It's the mom interference that's my issue. I pop one, washing it down with my sparkling lemon water.
I honestly don't give a flying fuck where we get married. It could be in our damn bathroom.
Okay. Not true. Our bathroom is kind of gross most of the time, even though someone comes to clean it regularly.
But beyond that, the location is simply a means to an end. All I want is to be Violet Waters and look pretty for a day. Then I want to dress up Alex's dick in a tiny tux, or maybe a superhero cape, and make him marry my beaver.
"Vi?"
I look up from my phone. "Yeah?"
"Did you hear anything I said?" Charlene asks.
"Oh yeah, of course." I nod in affirmation.
She regards me dubiously. "Really? So you think it's a great idea for me to blow Darren during your wedding ceremony?"
"Uh, I think we've already established that you blowing Darren in a public place is not appropriate. However, if I say or do something dumb during the ceremony and you decide you want to pull that stunt to save me from personal humiliation, by all means, go right ahead."
"You gave Darren public fellatio?" Sunny looks more intrigued than disturbed.
Lily's biting her nails with this little smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.
Charlene scoffs. "It's called road head, girls."
Lily's grin gets bigger.
"You've totally given Horny Nut Sac road head!" I point an accusing finger at her.
"Of course! It's the best way to make sure he's going to last the first time we have sex after away games," she says.
"This!" I throw my hands up and almost kick the girl working on my toes in the face. "Shit. Sorry." She pats my ankle. I see her once every three weeks because Alex likes it when my toes and fingers are pretty, so she's used to my antics. "This is what I'm talking about. That's smart thinking, girl. Although, based on your condom usage, I'm not so sure you need to do that prior to getting balled by Balls."
Lily shrugs. "He went a lot of years without the joys of blowies. He deserves every last one of them."
"Sometimes I give Alex the lollipop treatment so he isn't as hard on the beaver," I add.
I get murmurs of agreement, except for Charlene. She's quiet on this one. Maybe because she lets Darren Area 51 her.
"At least you have boob sex as an option," Lily points out.
I glance down at my rack and give the girls an affectionate squeeze, then poke Lily's much smaller, but still nice, boob. "I'm sorry you don't have mountains to slide between."
Lily shrugs. "I make do with what I've got, and Randy loves them just fine."
My phone buzzes with several new messages, all from Daisy and my mom. I give in and check them. Apparently there's some urgency to booking one of these places, as they have five people interested in the same weekend in August that Alex and I suggested. This particular venue accommodates four hundred people.
It's excessive and unnecessary.
I keep saying I want to keep it small, and Alex agrees. I've sent the moms messages indicating this, as has Alex, but then his mom sends me stuff like this, and I wonder if we're going to be able to get away with having the wedding we want. Or more that I want. Alex doesn't have a thing against big weddings. He just wants me to be happy and to be his wife. But I'm not sure even he has enough power to keep the moms in check. Although in his defense, I haven't told him about the recent insurgence of interference. I think they're having trouble understanding that he's taking the reins on this one.
We spend the rest of the afternoon being pampered and eating those tiny tea sandwiches with the crusts cut off. It's luxurious and ridiculous, but I feel like I deserve it with the accident, the pregnancy, and now the wedding plans.
When we're finished, Charlene drops Lily and Sunny off at their house first. I think the plan is for Buck to move in there as soon as he can.
I check my phone again and sigh. Twenty-three new messages from my mom and Daisy have appeared between leaving the spa and now. Two more are from Alex. Those are the ones I check. He wants an ETA so he can get dinner started. He also says he has an idea for the perfect wedding venue. I really hope so.
I message back to let him know I'm on my way.
He follows up by telling me he has some great news, and he can't wait until I'm home so he can tell me. I wonder if it's wedding-related-and then congratulate myself on the budding maturity that allows me to see something wedding-related as potentially good news.
"Alex is totally into the whole wedding thing?" Charlene says.
"So into it. I figured he'd be excited since he doesn't have a whole lot to keep him occupied these days. He's taken most of the details out of my hands, which is a good thing because I am not an event planner, as evidenced by the engagement party and the way our moms took over."
"So he's not driving you insane?"
"Surprisingly no. He's been really good about it. It's our moms who are the issue. They keep texting me."
"You need to put a stop to that."
"I'm sure once we figure out the venue it'll be fine." All the nice places Alex likes are booked out all the way until next summer. Now I get why people plan weddings way in advance.
"I hope so, for the sake of your sanity. How's rehab going for Alex?"