"Okay," I choke out as he rushes down the hall, away from my teary reaction to his niceness.
I dab at my eyes with the back of my sleeve and text Charlene, asking her to meet me in the foyer with my coat and purse so I don't have to deal with anyone else. Less than two minutes later, she comes speedwalking around the corner and almost slams into me.
"How'd it go? Are you crying? What happened?" She jabs the down button on the elevator frantically.
"I got the account."
"Are these tears of happiness then?" She rummages around in her purse and pulls out a shredded tissue. Then she tries to blot my face with it.
"What're you doing? Did you blow your nose with that?" I shield my face with my hands.
"No!" She inspects the tissue. "At least I don't think so. But seriously, why are you crying?"
"I'll explain when we're eating." The elevator doors open. There are people inside, so we smile politely and don't say anything until we're on the street.
"So you got the account, but what? Did something happen with Alex? Is he okay?"
"Alex is fine. At least I think he is." I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and check my phone, to make sure.
I have six new messages from him. There are lots of kissy faces and emoticons with heart eyes. He's also discovered how to make a jizzing penis out of the alternate symbols, as well as boobs.
"Alex is fine." I show her my phone.
"Are those boobs?"
"Yeah."
"What's between them?"
"A dick, I think."
"Right. Okay. He must be feeling better then."
"Yeah." I pocket my phone. I want to tell him in person that I got the account.
"So if Alex is okay and you got the account, why the tears? Are you PMSing? Wait. Oh my God, are you pregnant?"
"Seriously, Charlene?"
"Sorry. Jimmy's been watching a lot of bad reality TV and then giving me a play-by-play of the episodes at lunch. I really miss you." She side-hugs me. "So you're definitely not pregnant?"
"No."
"Okay, great, because I think we need drinks."
We're seated immediately. The host knows me, not just because we eat here at least once a week, but also because of Alex. We order drinks and then haul ass to the buffet.
Once we're back at our table, Charlene returns to asking questions. "So you got the account, and you're happy about that, right?"
I shove a dumpling in my mouth and nod while I chew. "Definitely happy. Nervous because it's a big deal, but happy." I give her the rundown, including the shitshow with the DTF mouth-fucking slides.
A forkful of noodles unravels on to the table. "Oh my God."
"Yeah."
"How did the Darcys react?"
"Well, Mitch has seen me mostly naked and heard me come, so, you know, it could've been worse."
"What about Bunny?"
"She didn't seem too concerned about my tongue in Alex's mouth."
"Well, that's good, right?"
"Yeah. Definitely. She was really nice, offering to do lunch and Botox, or whatever."
"I love that lunch and botulism are a thing." Charlene pulls a face.
"Right? But she seems nice, despite that. I'm having a hard time getting past the swinger rumor, though. I keep examining her motives."
"I honestly think Jimmy was being an asshole, but I can find out for you." She picks up her phone and types away.
"What're you doing?"
"Asking Darren." Her phone rings, so she answers it. "I'm having lunch with Violet right now, so that's not possible … I can't excuse myself for a minute … Mmm-hmm. I understand that, and I'm okay with it." She starts playing with the pearl necklace under her infinity scarf. "Yes, Darren. Which pink one? But I thought-of course. Right. I definitely want to be ready for that." She touches the back of her hand to her cheek. "My question? Oh. I thought so. Thanks, sexy."
She ends the call and sets her phone on the table, staring into space.
"Char?" I wave a hand in front of her face.
She snaps out of whatever trance she's in. "Huh?"
"To swing or not to swing?"
"Oh, right. Darren says no; he doesn't think it's true."
"But he doesn't know for sure?"
"You can never be a hundred percent on anything, but he's been playing with the guy for a long time, so he's pretty confident."
"Okay. That's good. I'm still not sure I want to go to the spa with Bunny. I kind of like that my face moves."
"Good point. Anyway, Alex is doing better?"
"Physically for sure. He's still uncomfortable, but the bruises are healing, and he's not walking like he belongs in an old folks' home, so that's a plus. He doesn't really like needing to be taken care of, though. He gets frustrated."
"He's not really one to sit around and veg-none of those boys are. I know Darren's missing his workout partner."
"Yeah, so am I."
"I didn't know you worked out with Alex."
"That's not the kind of workout I'm talking about."
Understanding dawns in her eyes. She looks around and lowers her voice when she asks, "Are things not good in beaverland? Is Daisy making that a challenge?"
"Daisy's not really the problem." I push the food around on my plate.
"Oh my God, did he pull a groin muscle or something? I know it was a hard hit. Why didn't you say anything before now?"
"He didn't pull a groin muscle. Super MC still works fine. It has more to do with Alex's level of frustration than anything. He's used to having a lot of stamina, and at the moment, well, he doesn't, so I have to do all the work. Anyway, it's good that I've been doing all that yoga with Sunny, 'cause my legs are getting a serious workout. Sex makes my abs hurt."
"Right?" Charlene exclaims. "Some days it feels like I've done a P90X workout after a night with Darren."
"Especially after away games. Sunny should come up with some kind of pre-sex yoga ritual so I don't walk like a robot for three days afterward." I'm joking about it, because otherwise I'm at risk of crying. I'm all over the place today with the emotions.
"Agreed."
We're silent for a minute-Charlene probably because she's thinking about all the sex she's been having and will be having tonight, and me because I'm thinking about all the sex I'm missing. Well, it's not that the sex is missing, it's that Alex isn't in the right condition to bang on the beaver the way he usually does.
While I enjoy how sweet he can be, and how considerate he is during sex, I miss some of the intensity and aggression. But I know it will return.
"Honestly, Char, I can deal with the temporary lack of hot sexing. Mostly I'm glad he's okay. It could've been so much worse."
"But we know he'll be fine."
"That's what the doctors are saying anyway." The retrograde amnesia persists, with the hours surrounding the accident still missing, but otherwise he seems okay. I push my plate away. I'm so overwhelmed. Because fine is relative. Goddamnit. The tears start leaking out.
"Vi? Are you okay?"
I take a few deep breaths, trying to get myself under control. "I'm okay."
"No, you're not."
"It's been a rough couple of weeks. I just … I don't know. I mean, now I have this account, and that's awesome, but it's going to be a lot of work, and right now all I can think about is being with Alex-and how much worse the accident could've been. He's getting better, but he's still a long ways from being totally fine. What if he'd had a serious brain injury? What if-" I can't finish the sentence.
Charlene puts her hand over mine. "But he didn't, and he's okay. He's going to be fine. You have to believe the doctors. It just takes time."
"I know. But that's this time. There's no guarantee it won't happen again."
"Try not to think that way, Vi."
I stare at my plate. "But it's the reality of this profession. Bad things can happen."
Char squeezes my hand tightly. "So what does that mean?"
"All I can really think about is how I don't ever want to lose him." I feel the wave building inside me. I've been holding it together decently since Alex came home from the hospital, but today it seems I'm due for a breakdown. A tear drops onto my sticky rice. "I love this job, but I'm starting to realize the nine-to-five isn't something I'm going to be able to keep up over the long term. And I don't think I'll want to. So I need to figure out what's realistic and adjust my plans."
Charlene sits back, contemplating. "You've been thinking about this a lot."