Tomorrow is the Civil War game. This matchup is going to be intense and everyone needs to be on their game, especially Cash. Oregon State is a huge rival of ours and the game is at home so we have that going for us. I haven’t smoked in days and it’s starting to wear on my nerves, I feel like I’ve been off my game until I’m on the field. That’s the only time I feel a sense of calm come over me.
My phone starts buzzing beside me. I pick it up and see that it’s Madison.
“Yo.”
“Come over?” She sounds sad.
“Give me a few.” I hang up not waiting for her response.
I toss the ball on my bed; grab my truck keys and wallet and head to the only diner in town that’s open.
After ordering two turkey sandwiches I head over to Madison’s place. It’s not Thanksgiving dinner but it’s close enough and I really don’t think she’ll care. I know I don’t.
Of course when I arrive at Madison’s she’s smoking from a bong and her room is filled with smoke. She’s really taking this final split with Cash hard. I think she finally realizes that she’s pushed him too far this time.
“What did you expect him to do?” I ask taking the bong from Madison.
“I don’t know?” She says looking away. “He’s never actually been this pissed off before.”
I don’t know what she wants me to say so I say nothing. She had to know that this would all come to a head and blow up.
Madison’s lying back on her bed staring up at her ceiling for a while. Every once in a while she’d look in my direction to make sure I was still here.
I do what I can for her, make her laugh, and comfort her just by being there. Every time I’ve needed her, she’s been there.
For a moment, I hesitate when I look at the bong she has out.
Only for a moment.
And then I inhale and nothing else matters. It relaxes the both of us. We eat the sandwiches I bought and then I fall asleep on her bed and then go back to my room around one when she’s tossing and turning so much I can’t sleep.
As I open the door to my dorm room, I see Colton sound asleep and realize that should be me. But now, I spent the night getting high knowing damn well we have a game tomorrow and I’m going to be tested.
I fucked up.
November 29, 2013
Eugene, OR
Civil War Game
I barely slept when I got home from Madison’s last night. I knew the second I saw Colton asleep that I should have been here hours ago with him. My head wasn’t on tight though and I fucked up. Nothing new there.
When I get to the locker room I change into my uniform. I finish off a bottle of Gatorade and I walk over to toss it in the trash but I stop in my tracks. Cash has red welts covering his face, his lips are swollen and cracked, and his eye is swollen too with a deep purple mark lining the creases. I want to ask him if he feels better after getting his ass kicked but I don’t. I really want to say I fucking told you so but he could say the same for me and all the fucked up shit I’ve done. Instead I just walk away. I know what battles to pick and which ones to stay away from.
We’re all suited up and standing in the tunnel ready to run out onto the field in front of sixty-thousand screaming fans, people from all over come to watch the Beavers battle it out with us.
The first half of the game is tied. Cash finds me open and we score two touchdowns and a field goal in the first two quarters but the Beavers scored the same in just the second quarter.
The third quarter Cash calls the play but I get held up and have to haul ass to get down the field where I should be standing when I see Cash’s arm go behind his head. I make it just in time and make the catch scoring a touchdown. The Beavers are only able to score a field goal. By the end of the quarter we’re leading.
The fourth quarter we’re off to a bad start. The Beavers are up a field goal and a touchdown. Cash is able to find me and we score leaving the score twenty-four to thirty. We’re in the lead. It’s one tough ass game as we all expected it would be. With less than two minutes on the clock the Beavers score again. The game is tied. The clock is winding down. Plays are being yelled without a huddle. Cash gets us as close to the end zone with handing the ball off but we’re out of time; he has to throw the ball. He looks to me and I know that look. He’s relying on me to score, to win this game for us. I nod and he makes the call for the play. Saylor hikes the ball to Cash, he makes the snap and I’m right where I should be but the throw is off and I make the split second turn and catch the ball to for a twelve-yard touchdown.
We win thirty-six to thirty-five.
The fans and team rush the field. Colton runs to me and I jump mid-air and he catches me. Saylor slaps my ass as the rest of the guys congratulate me. I’ve played one of my best games. I don’t feel like I should be living in the victory because I know when I get back to that locker room and take the piss test my season is over. This was the least that I could do for them. I give myself a few minutes to live in the moment.