Forever Light(30)

Heather grabs her stomach. “I need a Tums or something.”

I laugh. There are days when I needed one too. Watching Cash get sacked and when he was carted off of the field on a stretcher was one of those days. I’ve watched these boys get sacked more times than I can count so that part doesn’t faze me anymore.

“I’ve been watching Landon, Cash, and even…” My eyes tear up just thinking about him.

Heather wraps her arm around me and I rest my head on her shoulder. “It’s alright.” Heather says soothingly.

I know it is, it’s the way it is. It’s not fair that he was taken from us but we’re here and we’re breathing. I should be thankful for that but it doesn’t lessen the pain. Years later it hasn’t lessened it. I still wonder when this will ever get easier.

I let Heather comfort me until the half time show is over and the boys come back out on the field.

Cash finally found Landon in the third quarter and was able to complete a pass that scored them another touchdown. At the end of the third Cash was able to hand the ball off to Holden and he scored another touchdown right as the quarter ended.

Heather and I got to our feet cheering them on.

“See, I told you. They always seem to play better in the second half.”

Heather sits back down and grabs her stomach again. “Doesn’t make it any easier.”

I laugh and bump her shoulder with mine when Declan turns to her and blows her a kiss.

I turn and stare at Heather in shock. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

She blushes.

“Heather?”

She looks away briefly, “We may or may not have hooked up recently.”

My jaw hits the floor. I didn’t see that coming. Declan is the complete opposite of Heather’s type.

The crowd groans. The Ducks fumbled the ball and the Cougars ran it in for a touchdown. The score is now forty-eight to thirty-one.

“You’re giving me the details after the game.” I tell Heather, watching as Cash drops back in the pocket looking around to see who’s open.

“Nothing to tell really. We were at a party, one thing led to another, I went back to his room, he kicked Jet out, we went at it and I left.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“Have you talked to him since?”

She laughs, “Is this twenty questions?”

I look away embarrassed.

“No, I haven’t seen him since.” Heather answers.

I look over at her, “How do you do that?”

Heather laughs again like I just asked a funny question. “I’m sure you can figure that part out, Mace.”

I roll my eyes, “Smartass.” I watch the ball sail down the field and one of the Cougar’s players bats the ball away from Landon before he could get his hands on it.

“Oh, shit.” I hear someone behind me say.

Oh shit is right. Landon grips the guy up, they were helmet to helmet, exchanging words I’m sure, before a player from both teams broke it up.

“Temper much?” Heather snorts.

“You have no idea.” Landon runs back to the team and they huddle up again. “What I meant was how do you sleep with him and then not talk to him for a few days? Don’t your feelings get involved?”

Heather regards me for a minute. She’s thinking about what to say to me. How to answer the question so I’ll understand it. “Landon slept with other girls, right?”

I nod.

“Did those girls mean anything to him?”

I shake my head. “He said that no one mattered but me.” I look away. “I don’t know if that’s true though.”

Heather smiles sadly at me. I hate that she pities me. “Well, it’s the same for me. I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I’m here to have a good time. I’m leaving my emotions out of it.”

I let that sink in for a few moments. She doesn’t put her emotions into it. She doesn’t feel it. She doesn’t let it. She’s just having a good time. Is that how Landon thinks? I know he’s messing around with Madison even if he says that he’s not. I know they’re still friends and they hang out a lot. I’ve even seen him countless times over the years flirting with other girls at parties. I’ve watched him tease girls when he doesn’t know I’m in the same room as him. Hell, I’ve seen him kiss a girl or two right in front of me.

Does he leave his feelings out of it like Heather does? Does he numb himself with them? I know he doesn’t care about them. He sees right through them. I see it in his eyes. The only time he’s not looking through someone is when he’s with Madison and me. My stomach turns. My sister. It makes me sick to think that he can find comfort in her. He finds comfort in me too and he tells me it’s only ever me he feels but why can’t I be enough? Why can’t he just see me?