My mind faded, it was like looking through fog, trying to breathe in the thickest of smoke and see through the darkest of nights. I didn’t want to see right now. I wanted to be blind. Lock me in that broken down house; make me lie on the floor. Make me cold. Make me anything but alive to feel.
When I blinked, it was Macy with me and then it just as quickly fades back to Madison. I could have stopped right then and nothing would have changed. It was just a kiss. But what did I want? What did she want?
Madison gave me what I was looking for, the peace and quiet. She’d let me lie on that floor. She didn’t asking for anything in return. Just let me take what I wanted in the moment.
Everything seemed different. It wasn’t the normal sweet tasting kiss. The high and alcohol was really messing with me. I wondered if Madison felt it too. My tongue moved against hers. I grunted, pushed her small delicate body against the wall.
She groaned and pushed down against my leg harder. I gripped her ass in my hands, and raised her up so her legs were spread. Pressing forward, my erection dug into her. The newness, the anticipation, all of it sent a jolt through my body, a shiver I felt run down my spine. One I hadn’t felt in a while. We both gasped, her hands flew to my chest tugging at my tie and white dress shirt. I helped her out, my lips never breaking from hers.
“I have a condom… ” I whispered, gasping for breath.
Please don’t tell me to stop.
Don’t.
She didn’t say a word, her body started to shake. My hands fumbled to find the condom in my pocket but there wasn’t much hesitation on my part. She wasn’t stopping me either.
Some rationality hit me then.
Fuck. Stop, Landon. Don’t. Think of Macy. Think of Cash.
My body wouldn’t listen. I wanted this. A way to cope. A way to forget for a second. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to feel something and I was sure this was the answer.
Madison’s body shook against me. “Landon…” she pushed against my shoulders. I didn’t stop. Instead I pressed against her harder trying to make her see.
There was a click in the distance; my head turned as I looked over my shoulder and stepped away.
Alexa.
Fuck!
I was soaring and then quickly faded. I was extraordinarily wrecked beyond forever. I crashed in the darkest of darks. I lost the only little bit of light I had left.
Wrecked.
Destroyed.
Shattered.
“Goddamn it!” I punched the wall and quickly pulled my pants up to go after Alexa. Madison followed behind me.
We ruined everything that was barely holding up.
We stepped out of the closet and came face-t0-face with Alexa, Cash and Macy.
“I NEVER want to see you again, Madison!” Macy’s voice echoed through the hallway.
My eyes meet with Macy’s when the severity of what we’d done had set in. I’d broken her, what was left anyway. The tears streamed down her face, I did that. I put those tears in her eyes again. I thought that was the last straw with us. How much more could I break her, screw her life up? I looked down, my shirt was ripped and my tie was gone. My head went to my hands, I fucked up royally. I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to forget for just a little bit. I saw that just those few minutes might have caused me to lose my forever, my light.
I looked to Cash, he was shaking his head. He blinked and stared at me. I hated the look he gave me. I touched his girl. His. Not mine.
Madison, who was standing beside me, took a deep breath; I could feel the trembling of her body from even a foot away. “We need to talk, Macy.”
“No. Actually, we don’t need to talk because we’ve done nothing but talk these past four months yet nothing has changed. Nothing!”
Madison’s eyes flickered to Cash’s before she looked back to Macy. “I know, and I’m sorry! I know that I hurt you and I hate myself. Just tell me what I need to do. How can I fix this?”
“You can’t! You can’t fix anything you’ve done!”
I slid down the wall, brought my knees up to my chest and dropped my head. Everything around me fell apart. I shut down, it was the only way.
I couldn’t deal any longer.
I’ve ripped those gutters off that house. I tore the door off the hinges, broke the windows and set the grass on fire.
She’s right. We can’t fix anything we’ve done. Macy forgave me after that night as if it never happened. In reality, she forgave me before it even happened. That’s just Macy though. She wasn’t ready to lose the only piece of us we had left. I should have ended things right then and there between us but I couldn’t. I’m a selfish asshole.
Tapping on the window causes me to jump. I look around, where am I? What the hell happened? I heard the tapping again and I look to see what’s causing it.