That’s my girl they’re touching. That’s the girl I made a backseat promise of forever with. The one I had wrapped around my side all of high school. The one I run to when nothing else makes sense and she gives me what I need.
I close my eyes and when I open them, there’s more to my right. These hurt worse because she’s half naked in them and it’s Jay’s lap she has her head in. Jay. That fucking drug dealer. The one I’ve told her to stay away from. Begged her to. For three years she’s left me hanging, wondering, and wishing she’d see that I would always be there for her. And what am I given? I’m handed this shit.
I don’t want to see what I see. It’s a soul-crushing pain. A breath-stealing and heart-shattered love gone with the bend in the road.
I look away, the images disappear, but I know I’ll never forget them and I soar out of control, maybe further than ever before at what I’ve seen.
It’s hours later, maybe longer, and I’m in a low-lit bathroom feeling lost with a cheerleader. I’m taking my need with a girl who only wants my dick. I don’t even know her name. She doesn’t care who I am or what I want, she just wants what her tossed body is craving. She reaches for me, dancing around in the small space, looking for a reason to break my faith more than it has been broken.
I’m not this guy.
I don’t search for this shit to satisfy me.
There’s only one who can do that for me. If this girl knew how fucked up I really am, she wouldn’t give me the time of day. She gets my belt buckle undone and goes to push them down when I step back.
Rap music pulses, the wall vibrates against my back as I stumble showing this cheerleader my own dance moves.
By the look in her eyes, she knows who I am.
She blushes when the realization hits her.
A giggle captures my attention, my head snaps up. A smile breaks across my face, my mouth searches hers.
Look at this girl, she’s willing and I’m wasted. What frustrates me is that all these girls are all over me except for the one who covers my heart with the dark shadow of her avoidance.
When I look at this girl, whatever her name is, she knows I’m king and would suck my dick in a heartbeat.
Why can’t I just do it?
My hands move and cup her ass, her legs wrap around me instantly.
I want this. I want to fuck this girl against the door.
I want this.
I do.
My dick rubbing against her confirms this. She wraps her legs tighter, grinding against my straining erection.
It feels good, it feels so fucking good.
My body arches at the contact, I feel shivers run up my spine and it makes me press against her, my belt digging into her. It’s a hungry kiss that never feels like enough, never satisfying, a needing touch that gets to be too much. My arms wrap around her waist and cling to her, pushing her down on my erection again. She pulls away just enough reaching between us. She’s got my jeans undone all the way now, her hand slips inside to palm my dick.
Pulling back, I look at the girl, blonde hair and begging blues shine back. I don’t want that.
Where’s that dark hair that hides what the world can’t see?
Where’s the lifeless blues I die to save?
Fuck Madison.
FUCK her and the way she controls me.
Happiness shouldn’t be hard. It shouldn’t be achieved in anger, or when your blood finally turns to alcohol and you can’t deal until you’re craving what shouldn’t be. I need more of her like I always do. She fucking controls me and I hate her for it.
I hate the control.
My heart starts pounding in my chest, the bile rises.
With a gasping breath, I step back away from the girl. “I can’t.”
I don’t wait for an answer, a plea, nothing, I back away and button my jeans, my hands on the counter. I grip it, so hard I wish it could ease the pain. It won’t, I could tear the world apart and it wouldn’t matter. I could destroy it, nothing would matter.
I start shaking, my body trembles with an ache I know only one can cure.
It’s pouring outside, rain pelting my face and soaking my t-shirt. I don’t care. I still walk in the rain.
Before I know it, I’m on the third floor and approaching her door, my shoes squeaking on the concrete floor. Taking my phone from my pocket, I send Madison a text.
You up?
She answers right away. It’s locked. Hold on.
My shoulder hits the wall, I lean into the door waiting for her to unlock it. A couple holding hands and beer passes by me. I don’t give them the time of day, even though they bump my shoulder and congratulate me on the season though we lost last night.
Fuck football at this point.
I’m angry.
So fucking angry.
I know I should have known that she was this girl but the fact that she kept stringing me along, that has me so pissed.