I watch her for a second and then smile. “Morning.”
She winks at me, turns around and takes a selfie so she can see me over her shoulder, and then gives me that once over, her smile growing.
I shake my head laughing when Macy yells at her and tells her to go back in her room.
“What’s her deal?”
Macy smiles. “She tried to see your penis.”
I turn to look at her again, smiling. “You really saw my penis?”
Macy rolls her eyes and tosses my hoodie by the door at me. “Yes, Cash. I saw your penis.”
“Was it nice?” It’s clear I’m still drunk, even the room is still spinning.
“Cash?” Macy looks at me seriously, and I think she’s about to burst out laughing but she doesn’t.
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
I nod. That’s probably a good idea. Penis conversation isn’t good with your friends. The nodding makes me realize how bad I’m fucked up today. “My head hurts. And my stomach. Jesus.”
She looks offended. “You didn’t have to sleep in my bed.”
“Why did I?”
“Because you were scared of the dark and said you saw a spider.”
I nod, I do shit like that when I’m drunk. Freshman year I slept in Saylor’s bed with him once. He wasn’t pleased with me after that but I’m a loveable guy and he couldn’t resist me.
“Go to practice.” Macy says, yawning.
Holy fuck. I check the time and see it’s six and I was supposed to be at practice in the gym an hour ago. “Shit!”
“Yeah.” She nods tossing my shoes at me, one at a time.
“I’m so fucking dead!” I run toward the door.
“Cash?”
I turn to face Macy again. “What?”
She motions to my lower half. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
I look down and see my pants are gone. “Right…”
November 24, 2013
The next few weeks I’m playing game after game and six days a week of practice. Then on Sundays we go over game footage with the team and practice afterwards.
We travel to California to play Stanford. It’s not an easy loss, 26-20.
It destroys our hopes at a national championship.
The following weekend we get our game back and beat the Utes, 44-21.
The entire month it’s rare I’m not at the gym or practicing.
I tell myself I’m not going to go to her. But I still go to her in the mornings. I go more often than I should.
I can’t help myself. I want to but it seems the longer this goes on, the more I crave it. It’s never far from my mind what’s happening either. I told her to stay away from Jay and the cocaine but I can tell by the dilated eyes she’s not listening. It hurts. I see what’s happening but there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
I turn my aggression toward football.
After we play Arizona, and we lose big time, 42-16, none of us are in a very good mood when we get back to campus. Sunday night, despite school tomorrow, most of us get wasted.
Parties aren’t my thing but there’s nothing else to do in college at night when you don’t feel like studying. So we party.
I’m wandering, annoyed with our playing the last night and looking to forget. Though I had some good numbers and threw 308 yards with two touchdowns, I also had two interceptions.
What I remember most were those two throws that got picked off. I can tell you every pick I’ve ever thrown. They stay with you. Always.
I can tell you the game, the quarter, hell, I can even tell you the players who picked it off.
I’m not even sure why I can tell you all that. When did I throw my first touchdown pass?
No clue.
But those picks, man, they always did a number on me because I was always so precise on the field.
That game wasn’t easy on any of us and we can only hope to get a chance at a BCS bowl game now after our second loss.
Couples surround me, some fucking against the wall I’m leaned into, while others try to engage in conversation with me. I don’t bother. There’s no sense.
This house is one I’ve been to before, another football player, Tathan, who’s on defensive that’s graduating this year. It’s clear his roommate is a photography major by the endless photos on the walls in the hallway. To my left, my eyes scan over the ones from a birthday party they had for Tathan here a few weeks back.
A few don’t hold my attention but others that haunt me. It’s the ones of Madison, high, tossed, and in the arms of the guys on my team, assholes I’ve warned her to stay away from. It’s clear they’re making out and maybe more. Lip locked and lost, she’s looking for them to solve her problems. I don’t focus on that as much the fact that I don’t want them touching her.