Forever Dark

July 4, 2007



“You want to?”

“Yeah.”

By the light in her eyes, she wanted to. And I obviously did. Bad. I had a constant erection around her these days. You can only get so many hand and blow jobs before you want more.

I reached for the handle knowing Steven would let us use the spare bedroom. Madison surprised me, like she so often did and shook her head. “No. Here.”

My eyes went wide as I sat back in the seat. Madison crawled over on my lap, straddling me. “In the car?”

She smiled, thick black lashes fluttering closed. “A backseat promise.”

“A backseat promise?”

“Forever.” She said unzipping her dress.

I swallowed, watching her every movement with hooded eyes. Holy shit. Shaking my head, I smiled. “I fucking love you.”

I learned early on you’d never convince Madison Thomas to do anything unless she’s ready.

It took me a minute to not only find the condom in my wallet, but also get it on. I was eager and rushing into it in case she changed her mind.

We were fourteen, just weeks shy of fifteen. She could change her mind.

And I would still respect that if she did. Just before I entered her, I hesitated.

Just for a moment to give her a chance.

Nothing.

It couldn’t have been good for her. It didn’t seem that way at least by the trembling of her body and the way she wouldn’t let go of my neck.

“We’re having sex.” She laughed, burying her face in my neck.

Kissing her cheek, my breath came out in gasps, I brushed her hair from her face. “Yeah,” I laughed. “I guess we are.” And then I figured I should warn her that it wasn’t lasting long. “Madison?”

“Yeah.” She panted, seeming in pain.

“I can’t hold on any longer.” My knees were shaking.

Actually shaking.

“Oh, thank God.”

Shaking my head I laughed, breathless and kissed her neck. “Can I come inside you?”

What? You have a condom on dumb ass. Of course you could. But asking is better, right?

Fuck. Stop thinking.

Madison laughed her chest shaking mine. “Yeah… isn’t that the point of sex?”

I didn’t answer.

I didn’t last long. Maybe a minute longer and she smiled. “Nice play.”





December 3, 2010



The sound of the bell ringing brings me out of my trance of that night I took her virginity. They’re the same thoughts that have been consuming me for days, maybe weeks. Yeah, probably longer than that even. There’s a world around me that’s never catching much of my attention.

I’ve got one girl on my mind.

The only girl.

Students file into the classroom, surrounding me as Steven sits down next to me wearing his navy blue game day jersey, his elbow bumping my ribs. I feel him staring at me for a minute. I pretend he’s not.

He leans forward, watching me, his dark hair hanging over his forehead. “What’s up?”

I smile.

“Seriously dude, are you really thinking of proposing to Madison?”

Madison Thomas has been my girl since I was nine. For almost ten years she’s owned my heart and I can’t imagine my life being any different. After saving for an entire year, I was finally able to buy her a ring three weeks ago. It wasn’t much, and someday I’d buy her a better one. Eighteen may be young but if anyone can make it, Madison and I can. We’re strong. Sure we’ve broken up, completely messed up, but we certainly never gave up.

That has to stand for something, right?

“Yeah.” I nod, feeling kind of weird about it. It’s still on my mind that we’re too young and college will change shit. I know we won’t get married until after college but I want to go there knowing she’s mine. Forever. “I bought a ring,” I say, shrugging.

“No fucking way? When are you going to do it?”

“Tomorrow after the game.”

“Do it on the beach.” Steven suggests, as if I should have thought of it. “That’s about as romantic as you can afford since you blew your wad on a ring.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He flips his chemistry book open and then sighs knowing he didn’t finish his assignment last night. “She’ll totally eat that shit up, she’ll say yes, you’ll get laid… win-win.”

Steven Griffin and Landon Hayes are my best friends. I’ve known them since I was five. We met at the park one day with our parents and have been inseparable ever since. From sleepovers to birthday parties to hanging out on the weekends riding our bikes to playing together for what seems like forever, nothing has kept us from remaining best friends for over a decade. I trust them probably more than I trust anyone. They were there for me when my mom died. Even camped out in my tree fort that I refused to leave for a week after her funeral. Because of that, I take Steven’s words and flip them around.