Forever (Friends #3)(7)

I always thought Cannon was a simple guy with no problems. But he's a lot more complex than he seems. I'm starting to realize pretty much everyone is a lot more complex than they seem.

"Tuttle really cares about you, you know," Cannon suddenly says.

My entire body goes stiff. I do not want to talk about Jordan, especially with Cannon. Though I don't think they're close friends, so it's not like this conversation would get back to Jordan. "He has a funny way of showing it."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't think it's easy for him to show his feelings, which I totally get. I'm not big on it either." Cannon shakes his head as he flicks on the signal and turns right onto the main street of my neighborhood. "He never brings a girl around. Never looks at them the way he looks at you either."

My skin goes warm and I push the annoying feeling away. I refuse to fall back into that trap. "What do you mean? He has to fight off all the girls who want him." Maybe a slight exaggeration, but that's what I've always heard. Witnessed a time or two.

"Well, yeah. There are a bunch of girls who want him, including Lauren Mancini, who will probably cut a bitch if she gets in her way." He sends me an apologetic look. "Sorry. Just calling it like I see it."

"You don't need to apologize. It's true."

Cannon smiles and laughs. "Right. All sorts of girls are panting for his ass, but he really doesn't want any of them. I've never seen him go crazy for a girl the way he acts around you."

"How does he act around me?" I'm almost afraid of his answer.

"Like he can't stop looking at you. Like there's no one else in the world he'd rather stare at but you." Cannon's voice is soft. Almost reverent. "I'm not his good friend or anything, but I've spent a lot of time with him over the years, and I know what he's like."




 

 

I'm jittery. Like my hands are shaking from what Cannon said. He's just an observer. He doesn't know Jordan that well, doesn't know his thoughts. But maybe. Just maybe …

"Do you really know what he's like? Or are you just saying this to make me feel better?" He pulls in front of my house and I unclick the seatbelt, turning to face him. "I don't need any sweet words to make me feel better, Cannon. I've given up on Jordan Tuttle, because he's given up on me."

Cannon's lips thin and that ferocious look is back in his eyes again. "He's a total dumbass, giving up on you."

"Tell me all about it."

His jaw hardens as he stares at my house. "Is it wrong to want something you don't think you deserve?"

Is he talking about Jordan and me now? Or maybe someone else? "Depends on how much wanting something else ends up hurting you."

"I don't mind the pain." His smile is sad. "I just hate the waiting. And there's only so much waiting you can do until you feel like an asshole. You know what I mean?"

I burst out laughing, and Cannon eventually joins in. I can't even say why I'm laughing exactly. Maybe because it's better than crying? "Surprisingly enough, I know exactly what you mean."





"I'm feeling really self-conscious right now. Just thought you should know," I tell Livvy.

"No shit. If you'd stop tugging on your skirt, people wouldn't notice that you're self-conscious," Livvy says under her breath as we make our way to the front door of Cannon Whittaker's house.

Once Cannon dropped me off at my house, I texted Livvy. She came over so the both of us could get ready before we took off to his party.

And just because she was making out with Ryan while still in the school parking lot doesn't mean they're doing well. They fought again on the drive to her house and she was still mad at him.

Like, out-for-revenge mad at him.

"I can't help it." I tug on my skirt again, hating how short it is. I don't wear dresses very often, but Livvy insisted I wear one tonight. Considering she was at my house and my closet was at her mercy, I didn't have a choice.

Plus, I can admit to myself I was secretly hoping Tuttle might show up after all and see me looking extra hot. Maybe he'd change his mind and want me back after all …

Want you back. That jerk doesn't even deserve you. You're too good for him and don't you forget it.

It's weird, but my inner voice sounds suspiciously just like my mom. Maybe because she said something very similar to me when we first split up. She was trying to make me feel better, but …  

Yeah. Her words didn't really help.

"Yes, you can help it." Livvy slaps my hand away from the hem of my tight-fitting black dress, making me yelp. I don't even remember buying this dress, so I have no idea where it came from. "You're skinny with legs that are a mile long. I swear you look hot. Stop acting like a weenie and own it."