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Forever (Friends #3)(2)

By:Monica Murphy


"Jordan."

Pausing, I glance over my shoulder to find she's watching me, her dark eyes extra big, her mouth curved downward. She looks sad. Hopeless. I know what that feels like. I'm right there with her. "What?"

"I-I miss you." She hesitates.

My heart starts beating extra fast. I can't believe she just said that. I want her to say more. So much more.

"Do you miss me, too?"

Those last words are a faint whisper. Like it took everything out of her to admit that.

I say nothing. I can't. I messed up. I let her in and it cost me. More than she'll ever know.

More than she'll ever understand.

I give the slightest shake of my head and leave her standing there. I can feel her eyes on my back as I walk away, and I know she's mad. How does that old saying go? If looks could kill? Well, I'd be a dead man for sure. She's probably plotting my future murder.

"Hey, jackass. Ready to play?" Ryan appears out of nowhere, shoving my helmet into my stomach extra hard, making me cough.

"Asshole," I mumble as I take my helmet from him.

"I'd be a lot nicer if you got your head out of your ass and focused on the game," Ryan tells me. "Don't let that girl mess with your mind, man. We need this win."

"She's not messing with my mind," I say, though I'm lying. She's totally messing with my mind. I can't think about anything else. Just Amanda.



Why did I walk away from her again?

"She is," Ryan says firmly. "It's been weeks since you two split. Move on, dude. She's not worth it." He shifts closer to me, his face practically in mine, though I'm taller, so I have the advantage. "Think about your future. Don't worry about some girl who wouldn't give it up to you. She's using that to control you. I bet if you'd already boned Amanda, you wouldn't be all twisted up inside over her. You'd be ready to find the next girl."

It takes everything within me not to tear his face off. He's saying this type of crap to get a rise out of me. I know it. But I refuse to take the bait. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Ryan grins. "I think I do. But whatever, man. Keep fooling yourself. Just don't let your misery affect the team. We need you, Tuttle. We've made it to the playoffs. We need to keep winning."

He's right. I want to win. We all do. I need to get over this. Over her. Focus on my future. Win the division championship, clinch a scholarship at my school of choice and get the hell out of here. Screw my dad. Screw my mom-though she doesn't care what I do, as long as I'm gone.

Amanda will just hold me down. Distract me. Ryan nailed it. She's still messing with my mind and we're not even together anymore.

Were we ever together in the first place? Was that hopeful thinking on my part? I wanted her so badly. I still do. Despite everything I've done, everything I've said, everything she's said, I still do.

And I think she wants me too.

"Let's go," I tell Ryan when the defense comes off the field. Almost the end of the second quarter and the score is three to zero in our favor. "We need to score a touchdown."

"Now you're talking!" Ryan shouts as we run out onto the field. "Let's go kick some ass!"

I become the quiet, intense quarterback in the blink of an eye. The untouchable leader. It's what they expect, what my team needs. It's amazing how easily I fall into the role, how it fits me like a second skin. How I become Tuttle the QB, the star. The legend in the making.

It's all bullshit. But that's okay. I'm just going through the motions, doing what I need to do in order to survive. I need no one. Just myself.

Maybe if I keep thinking it-saying it out loud, even-I'll eventually believe the words.





"I despise working the hydration station." It's the first thing I say to Livvy when I spot her after the game's over.

Livvy frowns as she watches me approach. She's waiting for me so we can go find Ryan's car together. He's our ride back to her house since I'm spending the night, which I think Ryan secretly hates. He'd rather have Livvy all to himself. 

"I thought you enjoyed it?" Livvy asks. "Flirting with all the football players. Keeping tabs on that asshole Tuttle."

I ignore her calling him an asshole. I'm the only one who's usually allowed to call him that, but right now, I'm so furious, I don't care. She could put a hex on him and I'd encourage her. I'd probably build the voodoo doll and everything.

Oh my God. My thoughts are so incredibly random, I'm making no sense.

"I hate him," I tell Livvy. "I don't want to keep tabs on him." Oh, I sound like a Bitter Betty, don't I? I can't help it. His earlier rejection still stings.

Why'd I tell him I missed him? Why, why, why? I'm such a fool. I get within a few feet of him and it's like I can't even help myself.