Because I know he has feelings for me. He cares about me. And he'd rather push me away. Keep me out of his life.
It's so incredibly frustrating.
And stupid.
Em glances over at Cannon before she returns her gaze to mine. "You're still in love with Tuttle?" Hearing her say the words out loud makes me wince. "You should tell him. He's here. I just saw him."
My heart trips over itself. "What? He's here?" I didn't think he was coming, though I'd secretly hoped. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah. When I first got here, I saw him outside, leaning against his Range Rover, looking irritated and sexy, though I don't know how he manages to do both." Em laughs and shakes her head. "You should totally go find him and talk to him. I know he'll listen to you."
Yeah right. "He already knows how I feel." My heart is racing. It never seems to remain calm when Jordan is nearby. "It's a waste of my time to talk to him."
"I don't know about that," Em says slowly, her attention focused on Cannon. Her lips curl into a flirtatious smile. "Hey, you got anything for me to drink, Whittaker?"
And that's it. I'm forgotten, which I can't blame her for, because if she really likes him, I get that. Wanting to spend all her time with the boy she wants, I've been there. I've so been there.
Walking through the kitchen, I go to the door that leads to the backyard, watching everyone outside. I spot Livvy on the far side of the yard, talking with Ryan, her expression closed off, her arms crossed in front of her like she's trying to keep him away. Her body language says it all. A breakup is imminent.
I turn away and head for the fridge, where I find another cold Bud Light. I open it and chug half of it in a few gulps, wipe a hand across my mouth before I finish it off. My head is already spinning and I toss the empty can in the sink, turning away from the fridge to glance around the kitchen.
No one's paying me any attention. I'm alone. It's like I'm invisible. It doesn't matter what I do, because no one is going to notice me doing it. Right?
Shrugging, I go into the living room, where loud music is playing and a bunch of girls are dancing. I join them, laughing when they easily accept me. They all yell and cheer and one of them grabs my hand, pulling me into the center. We're all dancing and singing the words to the popular song currently playing. Guys start to take notice of us and they hover nearby and watch us, though they never join in the dancing.
Chickens.
Speaking of chickens, Jordan Tuttle is nowhere to be seen.
Of course.
The song ends and another fast one starts, making us cheer all over again. More girls join us and it's getting so hot. My hair sticks to the back of my neck and I lift it up, trying to cool myself off.
"Want a drink, Amanda?"
I turn to see a girl I knew from band standing in front of me with a smile, a red cup of foamy beer in each hand. I take one from her with a loud thank-you, ready to bring the drink to my lips when a hand shoots out of nowhere and snatches the cup from my fingers.
"Hey!" I yell, lifting my head to find myself staring into Jordan Tuttle's eyes. He's glaring at me, clearly irritated and gorgeous and infuriatingly sexy while gripping the red cup in his hand like he wants to crush it.
My skin tingles.
My heart flips.
He doesn't move and neither do I-until someone calls out his name.
The moment he's distracted, I turn and run away.
I'm only here because I knew she would be here. It's like I have no control. When I got home after the game, I took a shower. Jerked off. Dried off. Thought about shaving but didn't, because I'm too lazy. Got dressed. Climbed into my car. Made the drive to Cannon Whittaker's house without even thinking about it. It was like I suddenly found myself pulling into his driveway with no recollection of making the journey there.
I killed the engine and sat there, watching the house for a while. So many people. They were everywhere. At least at my house, it's big enough you can't see them all. Here, they're all I see.
Except for the one person I wanted to see. I knew she was inside. I could feel it-feel her presence. Maybe she's what drew me here.
Ridiculous. Illogical. Yet here I am. Trying to come up with the courage to go find her.
After a few minutes, I got out of the SUV. Leaned against it, watching people go past, a few of them calling my name in greeting, and I nodded in return. Most of them say nothing at all, they just stare at me as they walk past. I stood outside for a solid fifteen minutes, contemplating my next move. Hesitant. Full of doubt.
Totally unlike myself.
"Fuck it," I muttered, and headed toward the house, not paying attention to anyone, not bothering to say a word. I opened the front door, pausing as I scanned the room, and she was the first person I lay eyes on.