Forbidden Love(51)

Well, damn it!



I'd wanted to take care of her for a long time. Haven was the type of girl a man wanted to take care of. Love and cherish. I wanted to be that man. I would be that man. Haven deserved to love and be loved. Dylan had shown her that, and for his gift to her, I was thankful. I just hoped she was accepting of me once he was gone.



I clicked save on my voicemail. Chances were I’d need proof of what Dylan’s request was of me. Regardless, I would take care of Haven. Whether she wanted me to or not, I couldn’t deny a dying man’s wishes.





Haven



Lying wrapped up in Dylan’s arms, I couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my face knowing this might very well be the last time I would be held by him. My nights were spent wondering when that moment would come, when I had to say goodbye. My throat felt like it was on fire and I tried in vain to swallow down the lump stuck there. His body looked so tired and I knew the only thing keeping him in a deep sleep were the painkillers.



The lights where low and the soft slow sounds of music came from the stereo speakers, while the world outside completely oblivious to the fact that I was losing him. He was slipping away from me with every second that passed by.



“Sugar,” he rasped out. “Promise me something?” His breathing was sluggish as he tried to speak clearly.



“Anything, Dyl.” I moved my hand up to his chest, resting my palm there, waiting for his request. I’d promise him anything.



“Let him take care of you.” He struggled to take another breath and spoke again. “Don’t shut him out anymore. I know you love me, but I’ve always known you’ll never stop loving him. And that’s okay, darlin’.” My throat was closing. This was his dying wish? He wanted me to promise that of all things as he struggled through his last breath? I buried my face against his ribs and tired not to break…again.



Fighting the sob clinging to my chest, I swallowed, pushing past the angry lump in my throat. Yes, I was angry. Not only was my heart being ripped out from within my soon-to-be hollow chest, but his request pulled apart and tugged at the carefully created denial I had been living all of these years.



Fighting for breath, I fought for control. I desperately wanted to deny his words and was at the point of begging God for it to be over. I couldn’t take anymore. Unbidden, a fierce sob erupted, echoing around the room. Shaking my head in denial, I battled the words I knew he needed to hear.



“Sugar, I know you love me,” he rasped again.



I dared not look at his beautiful face, knowing I’d see so much pain in his features. Illness had taken the Dylan I was used to waking up to away. He’d lost so much weight he barely resembled his old healthy self. His face was gaunt and his eye sockets hollow. My own body hurt just looking at him and the pain he was constantly in. I couldn’t count the times I’d dropped to my knees and prayed to the gods or Heaven, or any greater power that might be out there, for a little relief for my sweet cowboy.



As he drifted off to sleep again, I whispered those words aloud, knowing full well it might be the first and only time I would lie to the man I loved. “I promise, Dylan”.





The gurgling sound that woke me was a noise I would never forget. I shot up in bed and looked around the dimly lit room; my chest thudding like a stampede of animals was running through it. Struggling to take in a breath, Dylan lay beside me. His lips pale and his eyes lacking anything other than tiredness. Panic kicked in and the instinct to call for help took over.



“Dylan!” I cried, reaching above him for the phone that lay on his bedside table.



He shook his head and moved his hand up to grab my arm. “No.”



That one fragmented one-syllable word broke me apart on the spot. He was leaving me. It was time for him to go and he was asking me not to stop it. Asking me not to call an ambulance and prolong it any more.



Unstoppable tears poured down my cheeks as I looked into the face of the man I loved so deeply, as I was made to watch him die. Not next week, not tomorrow, not even soon. Right there he was taking his last breaths.



“What can I do, Dylan? What do I do?” I begged through my sobs. Pain etched his beautiful face, although his eyes, which occasionally focused on my own, relayed his peace and acceptance. The knowledge tore at my heart and left me momentarily paralyzed. This is it. There was no longer anything I could do for him. Powerless, I looked on in panic, my eyes begging him to let me help.



“Just…” Gasp. “Hold…” Gasp. “Hand…” Gasp. I gripped his hand and sat beside him while he started up at me. The light that normally shone in his eyes diminished.