Forbidden Love(34)

The lid fell to the side and I covered my mouth as memories jumped from the sight of the contents. My heart lurched into my throat and a sob threatened to escape as I slowly lowered my body to examine my past a little more closely.



Right on top was a picture Jude had snapped of us one morning; we had bed head and my mascara was smudged under my eyes, but Jude was smiling like the joker. I was stupidly happy. My eyes shone with pure adoration for the man lying next to me.



I picked it up and covered my mouth. Tears blurred the edges of my vision. "Stupid girl, you fell for the forbidden guy." I shook my head and laid it aside as I reached for the next item.



It was one of Jude's old band t-shirts of Shinedown, faded and peeling, but the fabric was soft and worn. I held it to my face, inhaling, hoping for some strange reason it would still smell like him.



It didn't.



Just like us, it had faded and was replaced with bitterness and hurt. I huffed. "All right, I need to stop this shit." I tossed the shirt into the bag.



My mind whirled, memories blended together of both past and present, Dylan's face replacing Jude's in some of my happiest ones. "I'm not that girl anymore," I stammered, my voice gaining strength as I allowed the pain to surface. "He lost his chance, and he didn't want me. I'm not going to beg for something someone isn't willing to give." I grabbed the next few things from the box and threw it all into the bag, not even bothering to look at it.



"This is your past, Haven. Focus on the now, on Dylan."



I finished rummaging through my memories with Jude, my hands shaking and covered in dust. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of everything, so I kept the picture. It was something that reminded me I was happy once and I could be again.



"Time to make some new memories, Haven," I proclaimed aloud, my hands itching to stay busy, my body buzzing with energy I ached to find remedy to. My phone buzzed, alerting me to a new text message. I swiped the screen and read it, a smile tipping my lips up.



Sugar, I loved every minute of our time together and I look forward to more moments. I cherish those, and you.



I gushed over his words as I read them a second time, and a third.



In my mind, I responded ten times over before I actually formulated one suitable to send back.



He made me giddy.



Giddy?



Yes, I was positively giddy.



My fingers flew across the keyboard of my phone on their own accord, as if they were determined to spill my innermost thoughts without my brain having a say in the matter.



And it didn't.



My heart was taking over.



My heart was taking over, and I was powerless to stop it.



Jude who?





Jude



After a shitty night's sleep, if you could even call it that, I groaned and rolled over in bed. My forearm covered my face as the sunlight streamed through the curtains, like a blinding beacon beckoning me to get my ass out of bed.



"Fuck me," I exhaled, pulling myself to sitting. I scrubbed my hands over my face and looked around the room. My gaze landed on the picture tucked under the side of my mirror. It was of Haven and me.



Her makeup was smudged and I had a shit-eating grin. We were lying in her bed. She looked happy.



I did that. I made her happy.



I slammed my fists into the bed on either side of me. "Goddamn it!"



I pushed up and strode across the room to my bureau. I plucked the picture from its hiding place and examined it closer.



"You love me, damn it," I said to her adoring face. "I'm not going to give you up without a fight." My teeth clenched as the picture crinkled in my too tight grip. I slammed it down and opened the top drawer. I needed to find her. Explain myself, fight for her. Prove I was the one for her, not that pathetic excuse for a cowboy.



I yelled out the open door down the hall, "Boys, wanna go to Mima's?" I heard scurrying followed by a thump.



"Yeah!" They yelled in unison.



"Okay," I called back while searching for my shorts. "Get dressed. We are leaving in ten!"



Their excited yelps and feet banging on the floor hit me as they hurried to be ready for Mima's house.



I pulled a shirt over my own head and bee-lined for the bathroom to wash up. I splashed water on my face and slathered some paste on my toothbrush. Quickly cleaning up, I waited for the boys to brush their own teeth.



I looked at the man staring back at me, a new fire in my eyes that hadn't been there the day before. "I'm gonna fucking do this." I swiftly finished up and headed downstairs, two rowdy boys in tow.



“Dad!” Jaxson yelled from behind me. “Breakfast?”



“Fu— Umm… pop tarts, quickly,” I called over my shoulder. Sugary breakfast snacks weren’t an amazing thing to be feeding them, but it would suffice. There were other things that ranked higher than maximum nutrition on a weekend.