I put my clothes on as fast as I could, stopping briefly to remember the tender moments we had shared just moments ago. I couldn't look at him again. His face already haunted my thoughts…mixed with yellow liquids, blue veins, glassy eyes and distant memories of flying. I’d been a fool…an idiot who’d told another person my deepest, darkest secret. A secret I’d kept from everyone I cared about for so long. And what’s worse, I just blurted it. In my furious state, I couldn’t even explain properly. Who knows what he must think…but then again, it doesn’t matter. I guess it takes one to know one, right?
I must've stalled just long enough for Dylan to realize what I had said, because the next thing I knew, his arms were around me. I instantly stiffened, knowing how this story ended. One addict plus a recovering addict ended in a big, disgusting mess of addict.
"Please, Haven. Don't run. I promise, it's not what you think."
I fought against him, his grip tightening around my middle, my arms pinned to my sides. “Let me go!” I shrieked, treacherous tears formed in my eyes and threatened to spill as my emotions continued to spiral out of control.
"Shh…it's okay, sugar" he crooned in my ear, his voice low and soothing. “I’m not an addict.”
“That’s what we all say, Dylan. That’s the lie we tell ourselves to make it okay, to justify it.” I sobbed. “Why? Why do I have to fall in love with the forbidden ones?” I dropped my head back against his chest, my breath coming in short, exasperated pants. I couldn't catch a lungful of oxygen, making my body started to protest. "I can't. I can't, Dylan. Please, let me go." My words came out strangled and sounded foreign.
"Not until you hear me out. Even if I have to hold you up, just like this, Haven. You need to know." His voice remained calm and soothing in my ear. "Sugar…I'm not an addict.” He dropped a small kiss on the top of my head, took a deep breath and let it out as if preparing himself. “You noticed the scar on my chest? That was a port, for chemo. I have cancer, Haven. I’m dying.”
His words barely registered before everything went dizzy and a cold feeling washed over me.
"Haven." Dylan turned me in his arms. "Haven, oh God. Wake up, sugar."
My body was lifeless, my mind aware but nothing responded. He laid me down on his bed. I felt a cool pressure against my cheek, then my forehead. "C'mon, baby, I need you to wake up. Talk to me. Let me know you're okay." His voice was strained, like he was holding back tears of his own.
I groaned. My head hurt and I didn't know if I had hit my head or it was just from the shock of what Dylan had shared with me. "Dylan." My voice was hoarse. "Wha—did you—?"
He interrupted my babbling. "Shh, just rest a minute, Haven." He continued to wipe my brow. "You passed out."
I tried to sit up, pushing his hand aside. "Stop," I protested. "I'm fine." I swung my legs over the side of his bed as embarrassment flooded me. I needed to look away from the tenderness of his gaze.
Fucking cancer?
"No, this is some bad joke. Some kind of excuse for all that shit strewn around in there. I've heard some really fucked-up stories, Dylan, but that's just cruel." I screwed up my face in disgust. “You're young and fit…healthy even. You don't have cancer. Nice touch with the scar, though.” I brushed him off when he tried to put his hand on me again. I glared for a moment and angrily asked, "So, you're a drug addict and a liar now?"
I couldn’t believe it. Of all the people I could fall for, it had to be a drug user. Somebody who did the very thing I had been battling against. Life had a pretty fucked-up sense of humor for sending this shit my way.
"I don't fucking believe it." I pushed off the bed. My legs were still a bit wobbly, but Dylan was already standing. "Don't fucking touch me!" I jerked away from his grasp, stumbling just a little bit more. I couldn't believe I had been duped by this…by him.
"Haven, please," he pleaded, his hands up in a surrender motion. My eyes scanned the room. I needed to get away from this place, from him. I felt trapped, like glass had encased around my chest and filled with water. I was positively drowning in pure dread and there was no way to escape.
I couldn't stop the angry tears from running down my face. "No!" I screamed, pushing my way passed him. "This isn't happening. I gotta get the fuck out of here."
"Haven, we need to talk. Just stop for a goddamn minute!" His voice elevated and fear laced his appearance. He was terrified of me walking out the door and never seeing me again; it shone clearly in his eyes. He grabbed both my wrists and brought my face to his. "Just hear me out. If you still want to leave, then I can't stop you." His anger disappeared instantly. In its place was defeat. "Just…listen." His breath fanned across my face. "Five minutes, Haven. You owe me that much."