“Is that what you want? To forget what happened?”
Something in his eyes made her heart throb, but she ignored it. “What else can we do? I don’t even know you, Rick.”
“Yeah,” he said and the green fire in his eyes went out like a blown fuse. “I don’t know myself anymore. I was always a good cop, everything by the book. Until now. I was wrong and I’ll pay the price for that.”
His grim tone startled her. “What price? Are you in trouble? Because of…because we slept together?”
“I should be. I have to tell my lieutenant, leave it in his hands.”
“What will happen? Will they fire you?”
“Hard to say. But I can’t live like this. I let the job down. And myself. And you.”
“Don’t give up your career because I talked you into something you didn’t want to do in the first place.”
“I’ll be okay with whatever happens,” he said and his face softened with so much tenderness tears sprang again to her eyes. He cupped her cheek. “I screwed up big, I know. You probably have a hard time believing anything I say, but I only want the best for you, Sammi.”
She let the tears spill over her lids and race down her face.
“You don’t want advice, I know,” he continued, “but don’t fight so damned hard to change. Mona’s right about that. You know who you are and what you want.”
He stared deep, searing her, so that even after he looked away, stood to go, the burned-in spots remained, like the afterimage from a camera’s flash.
Was he right? Did she know what she wanted? And had she just let him walk out her door? She was too confused to figure it out. Her whole world had tumbled around her ears, and lay smashed and broken at her feet, unrecognizable.
One idea rose in her mind. Rick was going to confess their relationship to his lieutenant, who might fire him.
That was unacceptable. No way could Rick lose his job because of her. He was as devoted to police work as he’d seemed to be to her. That hadn’t been fake, she knew for certain.
She grabbed the phone book and flipped to the blue-edged government pages, blinking her eyes clear so she could find the police listings. She’d call every station in town to find Rick’s boss and she’d talk and talk and talk until she straightened this all out. They’d both lost a lot over what had happened. She wasn’t about to let him lose his career.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU, RICK. All the way to the station, Samantha’s words rang in his head, pulsed through his bloodstream, beat a tattoo in his chest.
He had to talk to the lieutenant, come clean and take his lumps. It was the only way he could live with himself. He owed it to Samantha, to the job, to himself. He prayed Darien’s confession made the case strong enough that his bad behavior wouldn’t damage it.
In the squad room, he found people standing around Mark’s desk. “Check out the jugs on this one,” Rocky Marston said, holding out a paper Rick recognized as a photo proof.
All of Samantha’s work was evidence in the case now. It would be weeks, maybe months, before her negatives and computer files would be returned to her.
Over the past weeks, he’d blocked out the inevitability of this outcome, pretended it would all work out. Samantha had been right. They’d been living a fantasy, a dream, and now he was facing the brutal reality of the mess he’d made of it all.
“Hey, it’s the man of the hour,” Rocky said, noticing him. “You took some of these, you lucky prick?” He waved the proof he held in Rick’s direction.
“I want naked women,” Mark said, “These are all scenery and coyotes.”
“I love coyotes. Let me see,” Jessie said. She yanked the sheet from Mark and studied it.
With a jolt, Rick realized that was the Sedona shoot they were talking about. “Can I have those?” He reached, but Jessie said, “Whoa! This is you, West, and, here, with a woman…Isn’t that Sawyer?” She looked up at him, startled.
“Where?” Marston moved to look over her shoulder.
“It didn’t affect the case,” Mark said, trying to help, but making Rick sound as guilty as hell. The room fell silent as his fellow officers put two and two together. Soon the whole precinct would know he’d slept with a suspect.
“I’m going to talk to the lieutenant,” Rick said firmly. “Right now.”
“It’s nobody’s business.” Mark gathered the proofs from his silent squad mates, shoved them into the envelope and reached for the one Jessie held. She handed it to him, keeping her eyes on Rick.
“I’m accountable for what I did.” Rick swallowed over his dry throat, determined to face the people he’d let down. This was the whirlwind he’d reaped by failing to be the cop he’d always believed himself to be.