As if he were an old menu or a used napkin. “Why, Kisten?” I whispered. I had to hear it. It hadn’t been what Kisten did to the bar that caused Piscary to do what he did. Afraid, I stayed where I was, hands holding my elbows. I needed to hear it. I needed to hear Kisten tell me the truth so I could trust him. “Why did he kick you out?” I asked again.
His free hand rubbing at a sore rib, Kisten looked at me. He hesitated as if waiting for me to guess it before saying it. “He told me to kill you,” he said, and fear pinged through me. “He said it was the only way I could prove that I loved him. He didn’t ask Ivy to prove herself,” he said, his voice cracking and his need for my forgiveness pouring from him. “I said no. I told him anything but that…and he laughed.”
The heat from the burner against my back wasn’t enough to stop a shudder rippling through me. Kisten’s expression shifted to fear, but it was the terror of realization, not madness. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I couldn’t do it,” he rushed. “I’m going to die. He gave my last blood to someone as a gift. They’re going to kill me—and no one will hold them accountable. They’re going to get away with it. I could handle that,” he said, his quickening breath giving away his fear. “But he kicked me out of the camarilla, and no one will cross Piscary to keep me undead. It’s a double death sentence. One done quickly by a stranger who will suck me dry for his or her pleasure, the other slow by madness.”
His gaze met mine, and I froze at the controlled panic in his gradually widening pupils.
“It’s not a good way to die, Rachel,” he whispered, chilling me. “I don’t want to go insane.”
Tension pulled through me. Blood. He was talking about blood. He wasn’t afraid of dying, he was afraid of not having anyone to keep him undead afterward. And he was looking for me to help him. Damn it all to the Turn and back. I can’t do this.
Fear lay deep in his eyes, the rim of blue shrinking as he sat at the table in an empty apartment and saw his life fall apart and no one willing to risk Piscary’s anger to help him. I shifted forward and sat before him, taking his hands on my lap. “Look at me, Kisten,” I demanded, scared. I can’t become his source of blood. I have to keep him alive. “Look at me!” I repeated, and his darting gaze met mine in agitation. “I am here,” I said slowly, to try to ground him. “They won’t find you. I’ll work something out with Piscary. The thing is five thousand years old. It’s got to be worth both of us.”
The water from his bath glistened on his shoulders, his expression slack in fear as he looked at me as if I stood between himself and insanity. Perhaps at that moment, I was. “I’m okay,” he said huskily, and he took his hands from mine, visibly trying to divorce himself from his emotions. “Where is Jenks?” he asked, changing the subject.
A hint of unease stained my senses. Not knowing why, I leaned back. Jenks’s warning resounded in me. “Home,” I said simply. “He went to check on his kids.” But my heart beat hard, and the hair on the back of my neck rose. “Hey…uh, I should probably head home and make sure he’s okay,” I said lightly, not knowing why all my instincts said to leave, and leave now. If only for a moment. I had to think. Something told me I had to think.
Kisten’s head swung up, panic clear in his eyes. “You’re leaving?”
A shiver rose through me and died. “We have two hours before sunset,” I said as I stood, not liking him between me and the door all of a sudden. I loved him, but he was pulled to the breaking point, and I didn’t want to have to say no if he asked me to be his scion. “No one knows you’re here. I won’t be long.” Drawing away from him, I scooped up his clothes. “Besides, you don’t want to put these on until they’re clean. I’ll wash them and be back before sunset. Promise. It will get me some time to make up some spells, too.”
I had to get out. I had to give him time to realize he was going to make it. Otherwise he would assume he wasn’t and would ask me something I didn’t want to answer.
Kisten’s shoulders eased, and he exhaled. “Thanks, love,” he said, making me feel guilty. “I wasn’t looking forward to putting them back on. Not in that condition.”
I leaned forward and gave him a kiss from behind, my lips touching his cheek while his hand rose to caress my jawline. “Do you want Jenks’s shirt meantime?” I asked, slipping from him when he shook his head. “You want me to stop and pick up anything while I’m out?”