I almost laughed but decided against making a joke about the infamous “O face.” It would take too long to explain, anyway. Instead, I turned and looked into his eyes again. He held the gaze for a few seconds and then his eyes slid down to rest on my chin.
“That was amazing,” I breathed. “Thank you.”
A faint smile appeared on his lips, as if he was proud of himself, and I found that in spite of feeling sated, I really wanted to kiss him again. I wanted more of him. And now that he’d had a taste of what it could be like between us, and since I was already naked…
I rose up on one elbow and caught his mouth with a kiss. “No fair you got to see me naked and I didn’t get to see you. But you know…we don’t have to be done here.”
He said nothing but returned my kisses with growing fervor. My hand slipped down over his crotch to, um, check the temperature, so to speak.
He was hard again.
“William,” I said against his mouth, and he continued to kiss me. “I’m on birth control and I’m clean.”
The kiss ended when he pulled back. “Why wouldn’t you be clean? You shower regularly.”
I grinned. “No, I mean I don’t have any STDs. I get checked regularly. And since you’ve never…we won’t have to worry about using a condom.”
“I have condoms.” My brows shot up. Really… “But nothing’s going to happen unless…”
I fell back against the couch and looked up at him. He had a very determined look on his face, damn it.
“Say you’ll stay, Jenna.”
I licked my lips and remained silent. A niggling feeling of guilt rose up, causing me to question where the hell it had come from. When I spoke, my voice was barely above a whisper. “Life’s too short to worry about things like commitment. We should just enjoy each other.”
“Is that what you’re afraid of? Life being too short?”
My eyes closed.
“People you’ve cared about have died. So that’s why you think about life being short. That’s why you have to run off and experience everything you can. That’s why you let fear drive you.”
Opening my eyes, I pushed against his chest, shoving him away from me. “Please get off,” I said. “I’m no coward.”
He sat back and watched me as I grabbed my clothes and slipped them on. “You’re right. You aren’t.”
I blinked, suddenly feeling tears burning the backs of my eyes. He was closer to the truth than I’d ever admit in a million years. Life was short. People you loved died and left you all alone. I bit my lip and refused to allow those tears to escape.
“Jenna…” I was about to get off the couch when he hooked a hand around my waist. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“But you did.”
He kissed my hair. “This is who I am. I say what’s on my mind. I’m sorry.”
I fell against his hard chest and his other arm held me close to him. Everything inside me ached. I wanted to be with him so badly it literally hurt.
And the scariest thing of all was that I was starting to seriously consider telling him I’d stay, seeing what this might become. But I had promises to keep—to others and to myself.
If it became something, then my beliefs and everything I thought I knew about the world would go flying out the window. I’d be in unchartered territory. No map. No plan. Not even my cards to rely on.
He was right. I was afraid. Terrified, in fact, of what this could become.
Chapter 22
William
A few days later, my workday is interrupted by an unexpected text from Jenna. It’s strange because I had just been thinking about her.
Mia and Adam invited us to go to Medieval Times w/ them. Wanted to check to see if ok w/ you.
I have never been there. From what I’ve gathered from advertising, it is a dinner and entertainment show involving knights and jousting—all with period-inaccurate armor and weapons.
I know that it would probably be best to follow up our progress from Disneyland with a setting of this sort, but I really don’t want to. I’d much prefer to spend time alone with Jenna again.
But time alone would make for more frustrating circumstances like the other night—the night I really wanted to have sex and stopped it anyway.
Sometimes I think I’m not so smart.
Me: I don’t know.
Her: I’d love to see you again. And we could laugh @ the fake fighting. Might be fun & more importantly would help w/ crowd issues.
Me: Inauthentic fighting annoys me.
Her: I’ll wear my low-cut medieval blouse & push-up bodice…
Me: Deal.
As the days pass until the next time I see her, I spend a lot of time thinking about my convictions. I’m seriously considering letting them go. I’ve thought a lot about what Adam said—and even what that fool Jordan said.